Hello and welcome to a surprisingly large (and at times witty) edition this week. I have been in a football bubble all week which I like to feel has been reflected here, along with the usual cricket stories. With the football season starting again, I will endeavour to cover as much of it as possible and there should be some predictions to look out for next week as I take on the three other guys I am living with next year to prove who has the greatest football knowledge. And failing that, I will just batter them on Fifa instead...
Balotelli reaches hero status (but is still flop of the week)
We had the bib, we had the gambling, the helping a child who was being bullied. And now we have the back-heel. Oh and don't forget the darts, the parking tickets, the wearing an AC Milan top when playing for Inter. I think you get the idea. Words cannot express how brilliant I think Balotelli is and I hope Roberto Mancini mans up and doesn't sell him. Give me Mario over mopy Carlos any day.
I know it's a week old now, but it's still brilliant. And if for some reason you haven't see the incident, then here it is. And if you have seen it, then here it is again. Even the Yanks commentating can't believe it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oytEUmlkHo
The funny thing is, nobody mentions what a good pass it was from David Silva. And what if Balotelli had scored? We would all be bowing down to him right now.
Beckham feeling 'sick' as a parrot
It takes a lot to hurt David Beckham. Tattoos don't do it, having a wife who won't touch a carb isn't a problem either. But apparently Becks said he felt sick about the 2018 bid which went tits up. Also this week, he defended Balotelli, saying the striker must have thought he was offside when trying his ridiculous showboating. So for someone as polite as Beckham (who was clearly trying to be nice to Balotelli and feels no shame in calling a child Harper Sevem), to show outrage at Fifa just indicates just how bad they really are.
Arsenal own goal
I know it was a fluke and it's only a friendly. But still, the omens are not good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS4cjju_BoA
Elsewhere, the Gunners cocked up so that an American team won the Emirates Cup. Yes, the trophy which they themselves created in order for them to get some silverware and they still couldn't beat a side from a country where football is something like the 4th most popular sport.
I suppose it sums it up well that Thierry Henry was able to come to Arsenal and still win a trophy over one weekend. Maybe Arsenal should follow New York and rename their team Red Bull. After all it's clearly worked for them and we've seen how well Sebastian Vettel's done recently.
Also, Nicklas Bendtner is expected to leave Arsenal to go to Sporting Lisbon. In other news, the Gunners' odds in winning a trophy have been halved.
Jose not so special
We were all thinking it, but it took wantaway left-back Jose Enrique to finally say it:
"The club is allowing all the major players of the team to go. Seriously, do you think it is the fault of the players? Andy [Carroll], nobby [Kevin Nolan] etc etc. This club will never again fight to be among the top six again with this policy,"
"They [the board] don't want spend in [sic] the club and bring quality players that's why everybody go."
"lie all the time".
This is the same Enrique who was given a "massive offer" to stay with the club. I wonder what those who are getting a lot less, but aren't good enough to move elsewhere, think of Newcastle.
El-Hadji Dope
Good news, one of football's nice guys El-Hadji, yes the guy who has trouble keeping saliva in his mouth and was called a 'sewer rat' and the 'lowest of the low' by Neil Warnock (which is ironic) when abusing Jamie Mackie as he was being stretchered off with a double leg break, has been banned for 5 years from playing for Senegal.
Apparently El-Hadji, who is close with the Gaddafis, said African football was corrupt (but clearly not Libya) and when asked to explain what he meant, did not turn up to the meeting which was slightly more than a spits throw away. I'm sure international football won't miss him.
The one thing that I don't get is, why do football boards ask for someone to explain their comments? When Sir Alex Ferguson calls a ref useless, stupid, ugly, a Liverpool supporter and unfit, he is asked by the FA what he meant. Isn't it obvious? You might as well fine him and save the hassle.
Hall of Lame
In honour of Super Mario, here are two other showboats gone wrong:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzPMvAIrtQs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4fsLeCjB4s
Cricketing excitement
Yes, thank you. It was I who predicted England would not win at Lords on the final day, so of course they proved me wrong. And I said Sachin wouldn't hit his hundreth hundred, which Billy Bowden must have heard. I was secretly hoping he would get to 99 then get a horrible LBW decision and not be able to review it. I'm the sort of person who feels victories where you have benefitted from lucky decisions aren't as good as normal, but should India get hard-done by I won't complain because it is there fault.
Moving on to the second Test, I should point out that the impressive performances from Ian Bell and Stuart Broad should be ignored because you can read any newspaper report bowing down to them. I am mainly hear to highlight sporting failures (of which I am an expert on), although I would like to briefly praise India for allowing Bell to come back after tea. If this had been Israel, not only would have Bell not been allowed back, they would have charged him for not leaving the pitch quickly enough, for wasting the third umpire's time, for not eating falafel and for parking illegally in the car park.
Cricket tip no 21: the Harbhajan Singh method of saving a Test match...
Tweet of the week
7 - Despite playing just 32 mins, Mario Balotelli had the most shots (4) & created the joint-most chances (3) v LA Galaxy. Hollywood.
Tweet of the week part 2
@sickipediabot sickipediabot
Q: If God created the top half of a woman, who created the bottom? A: The Council, who else would put a shit-hole next to a play area?
Irrelevant to sport, but I thought it was funny
Comeback of the week
http://bit.ly/oL3g0R - Alan Hansen would not be impressed
Comeback of the week part two
Carrying on my cricketing theme from last week, two of the teams I mentioned have gone on to produce another great match. To see Notts were 27-5 then 69-7 against Lancashire wasn't what I had hoped for, but to then go and win by 129 runs takes some effort. Funnily enough, spinner Graeme White didn't bowl a single delivery in the entire match, but he ended up scoring 86 runs and was only dismissed once. That was more runs than any other player on the pitch. Strange game cricket.
Embarrassing moment of the week
I have just finished my two weeks of work experience at FourFourTwo and on one day I was asked to ring up a few football clubs to see when their kits would be coming out. What I didn't realise was that you have to press 9 for external calls and that pressing 0 takes you down to reception. So imagine the surprise downstairs when some idiot calls them, says he's from FourFourTwo and asks when the Blackburn Rovers kit will be coming out?
Then, when I tried to ring Wigan, I did the same thing again and was put through to the same guy. Eventually I got through and was told Blackburn had no sponsor so a new kit wasn't coming out. So imagine my surprise when I saw this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6euXX-pkCA
They could have at least kept me abreast of things...
Embarrassing moment of the week part 2
http://bit.ly/poTekj
Most likely incident of the week
Arsenal drawing from 2-0 and 1-0 up inside two days
Most unlikely incident of the week
Fernando Torres scoring
Number of football tops seen in London during my 2 weeks here
Manchester United - 4
Every London team combined - 3
No comment.
Quids up
I love Harry Potter as much as everyone else, but even for me this is too much.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2017581/Harry-Potter-Muggles-magic-alive-real-life-quidditch.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
Cricketing tip no 35: the Harbhajan Singh method of preventing a team-mate from shouting at an umpire... (shame nobody thought to use it on himself)
The week ahead
Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid both hit double centuries, but a hobbling Jonathan Trott takes a dramatic five-for to leave India needing 10 runs for the last wicket.
Incredibly, Mahendra Singh Dhoni hits the winning run and goes off celebrating, but Ian Bell notices that he has not grounded his bat so decides to run him out. Dhoni is then fined 100% of his match fee for a slow over rate and is banned for the rest of the tour.
Arsenal don't buy a defender.
Chelsea make a bid for Modric.
Another member of the Barcelona team say how much they love Cesc Fabregas.
Joey Barton tweets something ridiculous.
Forest say they don't need a left back.
Sven Goran-Eriksson signs five more players.
Quotes of the week
John W. Henry: "I am delighted to announce that from now on, we will be known as Liverpool Red Bull."
Sven Goran-Eriksson: "Well erm, I would like to welcome Mario to the club."
Victor Valdes: "Cesc is a Barcelona love child and we want him back."
Rory McIlroy: "Tiger is a failed golfer and will never amount to anything."
I suppose there's no shame being called a failed golfer by Rory, not like being called a rubbish goal-scorer by Heskey.
Cricketing tip no 43: the Indian team method of not using technology so that Harbhajan Singh can get a shocking decisionOptaJoe Opta Sports
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