Joel Campbell rejecting Arsenal
I think it says everything about what is going wrong at Arsenal when a 19-year-old Costa Rican player turns you down. Still, that hasn't stopped Wenger from making bids for 17-year-old Romelu Lukaku (who is incredible on Fifa) and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who is, unsurprisingly, also 17. In other news, a bid for Phil Jagielka, who is, surprisingly, not a teenager, was rejected on the grounds that it was £2 million less than was offered last year. So clearly not a serious bid then.
Mohamed Bin Hammered
One-time Fifa Presidential candidate (he never made it to voting) Mohamed Bin Hammam has been found guilty of trying to bribe officials to vote for him. No, really?! Trying to prove his innocene, Hammam said that Fifa had it out for him and were going to find him guilty. So nothing to do with the fact that somebody took photos of money used to bribe the heads of Caribbean football. It was all just one big conspiracy. Admittedly, Jack Warner decided to quit so he could not be charged and Sepp Blatter is clearly incorruptible so there is no issue there (after all, friends of Robert Mugabe couldn't be evil). Let us hope that Mohamed is bin-bagged and sent back to Qatar and we never have to hear from him again. Once his appeal has failed that is.
Tevez not leaving
In the latest 'no shit Sherlock' moment, we found out that Carlos Tevez isn't going to Corinthians. Did not see that coming.
Manu boo hoo
This week Emmanuel Adebayor was sent to play with the reserves after not being selected for Manchester City's tour of the US. So he complained about it. Then he was told to train with the youth team. It's not like Roberto Mancini failed to understand what Manu was saying, as anyone who watched him as a pundit during the World Cup would acknowledge.
Adebayor had a great time at Real Madrid last season apparently. He just wants us all to know that. As he said, he's prepared to wait until August 31st to seal his dream move. He might as well wait until August 2045 because it's not going to happen, not that I want to be the one who tells him this.
You can just picture the scene now: August 31
(Adebayor is in his sitting room, holding a Ronaldo toy tightly and eyeing up the phone. In walks Garry Cook).
Adebayor: Ooh, ooh Garry, any news from Jose?
Cook: Sorry Manu, I've heard nothing.
Adebayor: But he will call, I know he will call, Jose won't let me down.
Cook: We've had an offer from Tottenham, We were hoping you would go to them and get paid £100,000 to sit on their bench and mope.
Adebayor: Spurs?! Even I managed to score against them.
Cook: Yes, but if you actually put some effort in when you play Arsenal and score against them for their biggest rivals, then you will piss them off even more.
Adebayor: The only team in white I will go to is Madrid. Now shush, I'm trying to listen to the phone in case Jose calls.
A tweet by Rory McIlroy
http://www.mobypicture.com/user/McIlroyRory/view/10169451
Northern Ireland the last couple of months must have been a great place to go out!
Hall of Lame
I was thinking about part-time bowlers taking wickets when I saw Mahendra Singh Dhoni trundle in during the first Test match, so this week, unfortunately, we have to revisit one of my least favourite wickets of all time. We may all dislike Ricky Ponting, but sometimes I wonder why he didn't become an all rounder.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heWw_Tp5cf0
Still, it's nothing on Michael Vaughan bowling Sachin Tendulkar.
Cricket shining through
As if this Test match hasn't been good enough, it has been a glorious week for cricket watchers everywhere. For me, two matches in particular have stood out. The Hampshire v. Nottinghamshire match was a thriller, with 25 of the 36 wickets being taken by spinners and Notts falling 4 runs short of winning the match with 4 wickets remaining.
However, the Roses clash at Headingley was something else. Yorkshire were 48 for 8 in reply to Lancashire's 328 all out, but they rallied to make 239.
Then, amazingly they had Lancashire 33 for 3 at the close of play and 87 for 8 the next morning, but then they managed to make it to 194.
As if that wasn't dramatic enough, chasing 283 to win, Yorkshire were 177-8 before another ridiculous 9th wicket stand got them to 230-9, but eventually they lost by 23 runs.
So overall, the 9th wicket stands in the match were: 9, 154, 80 and 53. Not too bad.
The week ahead
Got to back the draw in the Test match tomorrow, but I'm not backing a Tendulkar hundred as I think he might struggle for time.
In other news, Tevez will say he prefers Liverpool to Manchester, Cesc Fabregas' accountant will say he's being robbed and Sir Alex Ferguson will accuse everyone from the FA to his postman of being against him.
Quote of the week/month/year/millennium
Guy Moussi, after signing a 3 year contract with Forest: "I don't want to be rude, but I could not have gone to Derby. It was impossible."
And what he actually meant: "I would never go and play for the sheep-shagging scum, baa baa."
I hope you saw that Kris Commons.
And in case you dislike Wales and want to gloat at them for being bottom seeds in the next Fifa qualifying tournament, then you should read this. This guy should be a national hero.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/wales/8635249/Meet-the-Faroese-student-who-made-Wales-officially-worse-at-football.html
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Clarke follows Irish example
Right, I need to apologise to Graeme McDowell and Lee Westwood for backing them to do well at the Open. It was a bit harsh to give them the kiss of death, but I honestly thought both had chances of winning. Those of you who bet on either, well you should have bet with Paddy Power then shouldn't you.
As for Darren Clarke, it is nice to see such a popular figure win. Graeme McDowell said two winners from Northern Ireland was something like winning a lottery, but 3! I suppose that's about on a par with Forest winning the play-offs, Millwall being universally loved and Ryan Giggs not shagging anyone who looks at him.
But if Phil Mickelson wonders where his surprise form came from, he should thank me for predicting he would miss the cut. If he fancies giving me half of his prize money then I will feel rewarded for my work.
Everyday I'm suffering
It turns out Rebekah Brooks isn't the only person having a bad week. No, it appears that one famous person has been kidnapped and is being refused entry back to his homeland. That person is of course Cesc Fabregas, who according to his international team-mate Xavi is "suffering" and according to his home-town mayor, is being kept locked up at the Emirates, unable to leave. As part of the Harry Potter theme this week, it is only right Cesc be portrayed as Harry himself, locked up by the Gunners (i.e. the Dursleys) in a place where no-one can find him, unaware that a greater destiny awaits him (i.e. warming the bench in Barcelona). Let us hope Cesc can survive long enough to make it back home.
Party in the USA
Our Draco Malfoy has to be Joey Barton, a guy who has some good inside of him, but continues to cause trouble and wreak mayhem wherever he goes. Barton plays for Newcastle, where Albus Dumbledore (Sir Bobby Robson) used to rule, but it is his past misdemeanours which are causing him trouble. Whereas we have to suffer Barton every week, it appears that the United States have decided to block him from entering their country, threatening him with the Dementors kiss should he even dare to step inside an American terminal. The difficulty with Barton is not knowing why he has been banned from the US. Was it for putting out a cigarette in the eye of a team-mate? Was it for beating up Ousmane Dabo? Was it even for mooning some fans after a match? It could very easily be any of these things.
However, Barton can speak as much bollocks as Mundungus Fletcher when he wants to. Recently he said he was the best midfielder in England (despite his one cap) and after hearing his mate Kevin Nolan was leaving, he decided to tell his followers on twitter that himself, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique (Crabbe and Goyle) were also going to leave. It's a shame that we don't have the powers to kick Draco out of the country.
Rio giving bare chat
It was tough thinking of a character for another muppet who made the news this week, but I think it is possible to compare Rio Ferdinand to Professor Umbridge. You may be wondering how a cat-obsessed bitch who looks like a toad can in any way be similar to Rio 'I thought the test was tomorrow' Ferdinand, but I think I've just about figured it out. Ferdinand likes telling everybody that he is a perfect role model and that everything said about him is a lie. Like Umbridge. Ferdinand was once the top dog, captain of England and in favour with Fabio Capello. Like Umbridge with Fudge (Arsene Wenger - who is extremely stubborn and will not change his views despite everyone telling him he is wrong). Then Rio fell out of favour with Capello and was banished back to the ranks. Like Umbridge at the Ministry of Magic.
This week, Ferdinand was moaning that nobody rates Manchester United, that everybody wants them to lose and that they should be made clear favourites for the title (which they are). "It makes me laugh" he said, before going on a rant which proved that actually it didn't make him laugh at all. Maybe he should take it up with his boss, seeing as he is equally fond of journalists.
Snape - Mario Balotelli
Ron - Steve Sidwell
Hermione - Robbie Savage (looks like a girl, talks like a girl, acts like a girl)
Lord Voldemort - Sepp Blatter
Bellatrix Lestrange - Michel Platini (Blatter's bitch and both have a French name)
Neville Longbottom - Titus Bramble (both seem helpless but are truly heroic characters)
Liverpool riches
When you have midfielders such as Gerrard, Lucas, Meireles, Aquilani, Rodriguez and Kuyt, it seems extremely strange that you would go and spend the best part of £50 million on Henderson, Adam and Downing, three players who are pretty much the same quality. Oh and they bought themselves a reserve goalkeeper. So no money spent on defenders which is surprising when you have Glen Johnson and Martin Skrtel as part of your back four. Liverpool would have been better off forking out £50 million for Tevez, that way they have decent cover when Andy Carroll gets himself locked up.
Speaking of Tevez, it appears that the Argentinian version of Nicolas Anelka could be on his way to Brazil to secure a dream move to Corinthians. Then again, City could refuse to sell him and make him stay for the rest of his long-term contract which he signed only recently. I'm sure him and Adebayor would have a great time chatting in the reserves.
If we look at the number of players who are getting stroppy about not moving, we could start to put together a quality team. Players at the moment include: Fabregas, Modric, Tevez, Adebayor, Nasri (+ Clichy, Young and Downing who have already left).
Hall of Lame
I've already mentioned Joey Barton in some detail, but here are plenty of other examples why he is a thug. I've spared you the video of him mooning for obvious reasons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlz5tO1F9JI - kicking Dickson Etuhu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul5uVWDexRo - getting himself arrested
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkBfsNlBEaY - taking out Alonso
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9AfwVuttS4&feature=related - punching Morten Gamst Pederson
Tests ahead
A fabled batting line-up including Gambhir, Dravid and Tendulkar... is 138-8 at the end of day 2 in a warm-up match against Somerset at the flattest gorund in the country. This comes after the home side posted 425-3. So expect India to win the toss on Thursday and rack up 600 declared. And Tendulkar is poised on 99 international hundreds...
The bad news for England is that former coach Duncan Fletcher, who knows all about their players, is now coach of India. The good news is that he is planning to call up Geraint Jones and Ashley Giles to the squad, as neither have played international cricket for five years.
The week ahead
India 600-5 declared: Gambhir - 175, Dhoni - 110, Tendulkar - 99 (run out Gary Pratt)
Arsenal beat the Malaysian government u-15 reserves 5-0, followed by Arsene Wenger declaring his team are more mature and are ready to win the Premier League. After the match, Wenger signs one of the opposition players and uses him to silence his critics who say he doesn't spend enough money.
Liverpool sign Nigel Reo-Coker, Gareth Barry and Shaun Wright-Phillips
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger: "I would like to welcome Weira Gun Na Loose to the football club. I feel we are finally showing our strength in the transfer market."
Roberto Mancini: "I was absolutely not being disrespectful to Arsenal. All I said was I was looking forward to Nasri playing in a blue shirt next year. I was of course talking about the Arsenal away shirt. I think it looks good on him."
Harry Redknapp: "We will only sell Luka for a pack of fags and tin of magic beans."
Right, I need to apologise to Graeme McDowell and Lee Westwood for backing them to do well at the Open. It was a bit harsh to give them the kiss of death, but I honestly thought both had chances of winning. Those of you who bet on either, well you should have bet with Paddy Power then shouldn't you.
As for Darren Clarke, it is nice to see such a popular figure win. Graeme McDowell said two winners from Northern Ireland was something like winning a lottery, but 3! I suppose that's about on a par with Forest winning the play-offs, Millwall being universally loved and Ryan Giggs not shagging anyone who looks at him.
But if Phil Mickelson wonders where his surprise form came from, he should thank me for predicting he would miss the cut. If he fancies giving me half of his prize money then I will feel rewarded for my work.
Everyday I'm suffering
It turns out Rebekah Brooks isn't the only person having a bad week. No, it appears that one famous person has been kidnapped and is being refused entry back to his homeland. That person is of course Cesc Fabregas, who according to his international team-mate Xavi is "suffering" and according to his home-town mayor, is being kept locked up at the Emirates, unable to leave. As part of the Harry Potter theme this week, it is only right Cesc be portrayed as Harry himself, locked up by the Gunners (i.e. the Dursleys) in a place where no-one can find him, unaware that a greater destiny awaits him (i.e. warming the bench in Barcelona). Let us hope Cesc can survive long enough to make it back home.
Party in the USA
Our Draco Malfoy has to be Joey Barton, a guy who has some good inside of him, but continues to cause trouble and wreak mayhem wherever he goes. Barton plays for Newcastle, where Albus Dumbledore (Sir Bobby Robson) used to rule, but it is his past misdemeanours which are causing him trouble. Whereas we have to suffer Barton every week, it appears that the United States have decided to block him from entering their country, threatening him with the Dementors kiss should he even dare to step inside an American terminal. The difficulty with Barton is not knowing why he has been banned from the US. Was it for putting out a cigarette in the eye of a team-mate? Was it for beating up Ousmane Dabo? Was it even for mooning some fans after a match? It could very easily be any of these things.
However, Barton can speak as much bollocks as Mundungus Fletcher when he wants to. Recently he said he was the best midfielder in England (despite his one cap) and after hearing his mate Kevin Nolan was leaving, he decided to tell his followers on twitter that himself, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique (Crabbe and Goyle) were also going to leave. It's a shame that we don't have the powers to kick Draco out of the country.
Rio giving bare chat
It was tough thinking of a character for another muppet who made the news this week, but I think it is possible to compare Rio Ferdinand to Professor Umbridge. You may be wondering how a cat-obsessed bitch who looks like a toad can in any way be similar to Rio 'I thought the test was tomorrow' Ferdinand, but I think I've just about figured it out. Ferdinand likes telling everybody that he is a perfect role model and that everything said about him is a lie. Like Umbridge. Ferdinand was once the top dog, captain of England and in favour with Fabio Capello. Like Umbridge with Fudge (Arsene Wenger - who is extremely stubborn and will not change his views despite everyone telling him he is wrong). Then Rio fell out of favour with Capello and was banished back to the ranks. Like Umbridge at the Ministry of Magic.
This week, Ferdinand was moaning that nobody rates Manchester United, that everybody wants them to lose and that they should be made clear favourites for the title (which they are). "It makes me laugh" he said, before going on a rant which proved that actually it didn't make him laugh at all. Maybe he should take it up with his boss, seeing as he is equally fond of journalists.
Snape - Mario Balotelli
Ron - Steve Sidwell
Hermione - Robbie Savage (looks like a girl, talks like a girl, acts like a girl)
Lord Voldemort - Sepp Blatter
Bellatrix Lestrange - Michel Platini (Blatter's bitch and both have a French name)
Neville Longbottom - Titus Bramble (both seem helpless but are truly heroic characters)
Liverpool riches
When you have midfielders such as Gerrard, Lucas, Meireles, Aquilani, Rodriguez and Kuyt, it seems extremely strange that you would go and spend the best part of £50 million on Henderson, Adam and Downing, three players who are pretty much the same quality. Oh and they bought themselves a reserve goalkeeper. So no money spent on defenders which is surprising when you have Glen Johnson and Martin Skrtel as part of your back four. Liverpool would have been better off forking out £50 million for Tevez, that way they have decent cover when Andy Carroll gets himself locked up.
Speaking of Tevez, it appears that the Argentinian version of Nicolas Anelka could be on his way to Brazil to secure a dream move to Corinthians. Then again, City could refuse to sell him and make him stay for the rest of his long-term contract which he signed only recently. I'm sure him and Adebayor would have a great time chatting in the reserves.
If we look at the number of players who are getting stroppy about not moving, we could start to put together a quality team. Players at the moment include: Fabregas, Modric, Tevez, Adebayor, Nasri (+ Clichy, Young and Downing who have already left).
Hall of Lame
I've already mentioned Joey Barton in some detail, but here are plenty of other examples why he is a thug. I've spared you the video of him mooning for obvious reasons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlz5tO1F9JI - kicking Dickson Etuhu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul5uVWDexRo - getting himself arrested
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkBfsNlBEaY - taking out Alonso
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9AfwVuttS4&feature=related - punching Morten Gamst Pederson
Tests ahead
A fabled batting line-up including Gambhir, Dravid and Tendulkar... is 138-8 at the end of day 2 in a warm-up match against Somerset at the flattest gorund in the country. This comes after the home side posted 425-3. So expect India to win the toss on Thursday and rack up 600 declared. And Tendulkar is poised on 99 international hundreds...
The bad news for England is that former coach Duncan Fletcher, who knows all about their players, is now coach of India. The good news is that he is planning to call up Geraint Jones and Ashley Giles to the squad, as neither have played international cricket for five years.
The week ahead
India 600-5 declared: Gambhir - 175, Dhoni - 110, Tendulkar - 99 (run out Gary Pratt)
Arsenal beat the Malaysian government u-15 reserves 5-0, followed by Arsene Wenger declaring his team are more mature and are ready to win the Premier League. After the match, Wenger signs one of the opposition players and uses him to silence his critics who say he doesn't spend enough money.
Liverpool sign Nigel Reo-Coker, Gareth Barry and Shaun Wright-Phillips
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger: "I would like to welcome Weira Gun Na Loose to the football club. I feel we are finally showing our strength in the transfer market."
Roberto Mancini: "I was absolutely not being disrespectful to Arsenal. All I said was I was looking forward to Nasri playing in a blue shirt next year. I was of course talking about the Arsenal away shirt. I think it looks good on him."
Harry Redknapp: "We will only sell Luka for a pack of fags and tin of magic beans."
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Footballers talk like Haye but act like Charlie Sheen
Rio court case is a Cashley affair
It would be fair to say that shock of the week was not seeing Rio Ferdinand going to the High Court to sue the Mirror on Sunday for publishing a story that he had had an 8 year affair. Mr 'missed drugs test' himself may not have reached the levels of a Ryan Giggs, but he is notorious for his extra-marital affairs which have him on a par with Wayne Rooney. But instead of just ignoring the story, Ferdinand decided to sue the newspaper. Not because the story was false, but because it was a private manner, which of course, is now in every single newspaper and news outlet. You would think when it comes to privacy Rio would ask Giggs for a word or two as he would know that going to Court is the stupidest thing you can do when it comes to trying to keep an affair away from beocming big news. Ferdinand is obsessed with getting 'stay on your feet' into every part of his daily life now, but it is a shame that he didn't take the message to heart, as it might have saved him having to pay for lawyers, the Court and the Sunday Mirror when they win the case. Let's just be thankful that, with his memory, Ferdinand remembered to turn up to the Court.
Also this week we were told by none other than Ashley Cole, the man who cheated on his wife repeatedly and shot a work experience student with an air rifle, to judge him only on his football. After watching his performances last season, maybe he should be careful what he wishes for.
Mugabe blunder
In another great moment for Sepp Blatter, he decided to meet Robert Mugabe this week. I don't know what he was thinking, allowing himself to be pictured alongside that terrible dictator, the portrayor of all corruption and deceit, the runner of rigged elections and the man who would ruthlessly remove all enemies. Not that Mugabe is too great himself...
Haye's how you do it
As we try and forget about David Haye's awful attempt to knock out Wladimir Klitschko, the giant Ukranian decided to remind us that talk is cheap by putting up a video where he silently mocks the Hayemaker. As I continue the cliches, this proves that actions are louder than words and that Haye should learn to roll with the punches (ok I'll stop). The final attack at the end is truly a knockout hit for Haye, as a copy of the Daily Mail is used to compound his embarrassment. Bit of a low blow if you ask me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH3IViJfK48
Sad day for Forest
The Forest Derby rivalry has been intense over the last few years, as former players and managers have traded sides and desperately tried to put one over each other. So it was a sad day to hear that chief Derby destroyer Robert Earnshaw has gone back to Cardiff instead of deciding to continue his exploits last year where he scored 3 times (including the winner at Pride Park). You might think with Billy Davies, Kris Commons and Robbie Savage all having left it would be a bit quieter next season but I wouldn't count on it. New Forest manager Schteve McClaren is a former Derby assistant manager and flag-waving extraordinaire Nathan Tyson has moved down the A5-2 to join the Rams, who probably still haven't forgiven him. As pre-season fixtures start to arrive and the countdown to the new campaign gets ever closer, I think we should look at the former Forest and Derby players in each other's ranks.
Forest
Lee Camp - saved penalty for us at Pride Park to earn controversial 1-1 draw (with help from Stuart Atwell)
Marcus Tudgay - scored twice for us in the 5-2 home win last season
Steve McClaren - see above
The Sheep
Nathan Tyson - see above
Nigel Clough - former Forest striker and, of course, son of the legendary Brian
Departures: Robert Earnshaw, Billy Davies, Kris Commons
In case any Forest fans out there need cheering up, here are a few Youtube videos I've just looked up: We start with my favourite ever match, the 1-1 draw at Pride Park. The footage is awful, but the commentary in the last minute or so more than makes up for it.
This is followed by the departing Earnshaw's winner at Pride Park and a compilation video of his goals, including the 3 against Derby and a hat-trick against Leicester City. The perfect way to enjoy your Sunday evening!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC3FQv4v6o8&feature=related - Derby 1-1 Forest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gHknP-vQXE - Earnshaw at Pride Park
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLfeFW3nocc - Earnshaw goals
Women footballers follow the men
I've always believed there was something re-assuring about familiarity, but I wouldn't tell our women footballers that after losing on penalties in the World Cup quarter-finals. Now I know I may not have been as complimentary to women's sports as I could have been, although that is not to say I didn't enjoy watching the tennis in Birmingham and at Wimbledon. So I will avoid making remarks like the matches had to go on longer because they had to explain the offside rule, because they are unneccessary. Truth is, I enjoy watching women's football. I mean Bend it Like Beckham was a brilliant film after all.
RIP NOTW
Whether you approved of the News of the World's techniques in finding stories or not, you must admit it was pretty interesting to read. I personally will miss hearing about the Fake Sheik and what he managed to convince celebrities to say when they thought they were talking in private. In particular, the newspaper should have our thanks for outing the Pakistani cricketers who tried to ruin the sport. It is a shame they never nailed Sepp Blatter as well, then they could have tried to rescue two sports from corruption.
Plane to Spain
We've had the Arms Race, now footballers are seeing who can get the plane to Spain the fastest. Cesc Fabregas has been putting in a top effort for the last couple of years, whilst Carlos Tevez has made a late dash, although he may have to wait for his move. Rumours have been circulating about a big bid from Barcelona for Gareth Bale, but that would appear highly unlikely. It will be interesting to see which moaning footballer out of Fabregas and Tevez can get there first as players convince themselves that they will get into the Real Madrid and Barcelona teams. Tevez possibly could get in the Madrid team, but Cesc should be careful before rushing back to Catalunia. He may have won nothing at Arsenal, but at least he got on the pitch. Maybe he should talk to Javier Mascherano, who spent the whole season on the bench and only got to play when there were injuries, before deciding to leave.
Hall of Lame
If Rio is flop of the week, it would seem right to look back at some of his indiscretions. This week he was accused of having affairs with 10 women, he has had a number of one night stands, filmed himself having group sex in Cyprus and missed a drugs test because he went shopping. And in a continuation of this, he decided to send a direct message to journalist Oliver Holt recently, saying: "You fat prick. U got something to say about me missing a drugs test say it when u see me." And this was the England captain, who got replaced by John Terry. Lovely.
Also, as the News of the World is shutting down, we should remember the time Sven fell for the Fake Sheikh and said he would be tempted to join Aston Villa as manager and could bring David Beckham with him. Brilliant.
The week ahead
Golf, like tennis, decides to throw together a few majors at the same time, so only a few weeks after Rory McIlroy's triumph at Congressional, we are back in Britain for the British Open. Here are my predictions:
Winner: Graeme McDowell (sorry to jinx him)
Runner-up: Lee Westwood
Rory McIlroy performance: 65, 67, 81, 59 - ends 5th
Certainty to miss the cut: Phil Mickelson (has only one top 10 finish in this event)
Also this week, Liverpool will announce they are going to build a new stadium. Rumours are it will be sponsored by the History Channel.
Quotes of the week
Carlos Tevez: "My little toe is hurting, so I have to go to Spain."
Cesc Fabregas: "I miss eating good paella, so I must return to my homeland."
Harry Redknapp: "Luka Modric is not leaving no matter what."
Daniel Levy: "We will never sell Luka Modric."
Luka Modric: "Sod it, I'm off to Spain."
It would be fair to say that shock of the week was not seeing Rio Ferdinand going to the High Court to sue the Mirror on Sunday for publishing a story that he had had an 8 year affair. Mr 'missed drugs test' himself may not have reached the levels of a Ryan Giggs, but he is notorious for his extra-marital affairs which have him on a par with Wayne Rooney. But instead of just ignoring the story, Ferdinand decided to sue the newspaper. Not because the story was false, but because it was a private manner, which of course, is now in every single newspaper and news outlet. You would think when it comes to privacy Rio would ask Giggs for a word or two as he would know that going to Court is the stupidest thing you can do when it comes to trying to keep an affair away from beocming big news. Ferdinand is obsessed with getting 'stay on your feet' into every part of his daily life now, but it is a shame that he didn't take the message to heart, as it might have saved him having to pay for lawyers, the Court and the Sunday Mirror when they win the case. Let's just be thankful that, with his memory, Ferdinand remembered to turn up to the Court.
Also this week we were told by none other than Ashley Cole, the man who cheated on his wife repeatedly and shot a work experience student with an air rifle, to judge him only on his football. After watching his performances last season, maybe he should be careful what he wishes for.
Mugabe blunder
In another great moment for Sepp Blatter, he decided to meet Robert Mugabe this week. I don't know what he was thinking, allowing himself to be pictured alongside that terrible dictator, the portrayor of all corruption and deceit, the runner of rigged elections and the man who would ruthlessly remove all enemies. Not that Mugabe is too great himself...
Haye's how you do it
As we try and forget about David Haye's awful attempt to knock out Wladimir Klitschko, the giant Ukranian decided to remind us that talk is cheap by putting up a video where he silently mocks the Hayemaker. As I continue the cliches, this proves that actions are louder than words and that Haye should learn to roll with the punches (ok I'll stop). The final attack at the end is truly a knockout hit for Haye, as a copy of the Daily Mail is used to compound his embarrassment. Bit of a low blow if you ask me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH3IViJfK48
Sad day for Forest
The Forest Derby rivalry has been intense over the last few years, as former players and managers have traded sides and desperately tried to put one over each other. So it was a sad day to hear that chief Derby destroyer Robert Earnshaw has gone back to Cardiff instead of deciding to continue his exploits last year where he scored 3 times (including the winner at Pride Park). You might think with Billy Davies, Kris Commons and Robbie Savage all having left it would be a bit quieter next season but I wouldn't count on it. New Forest manager Schteve McClaren is a former Derby assistant manager and flag-waving extraordinaire Nathan Tyson has moved down the A5-2 to join the Rams, who probably still haven't forgiven him. As pre-season fixtures start to arrive and the countdown to the new campaign gets ever closer, I think we should look at the former Forest and Derby players in each other's ranks.
Forest
Lee Camp - saved penalty for us at Pride Park to earn controversial 1-1 draw (with help from Stuart Atwell)
Marcus Tudgay - scored twice for us in the 5-2 home win last season
Steve McClaren - see above
The Sheep
Nathan Tyson - see above
Nigel Clough - former Forest striker and, of course, son of the legendary Brian
Departures: Robert Earnshaw, Billy Davies, Kris Commons
In case any Forest fans out there need cheering up, here are a few Youtube videos I've just looked up: We start with my favourite ever match, the 1-1 draw at Pride Park. The footage is awful, but the commentary in the last minute or so more than makes up for it.
This is followed by the departing Earnshaw's winner at Pride Park and a compilation video of his goals, including the 3 against Derby and a hat-trick against Leicester City. The perfect way to enjoy your Sunday evening!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC3FQv4v6o8&feature=related - Derby 1-1 Forest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gHknP-vQXE - Earnshaw at Pride Park
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLfeFW3nocc - Earnshaw goals
Women footballers follow the men
I've always believed there was something re-assuring about familiarity, but I wouldn't tell our women footballers that after losing on penalties in the World Cup quarter-finals. Now I know I may not have been as complimentary to women's sports as I could have been, although that is not to say I didn't enjoy watching the tennis in Birmingham and at Wimbledon. So I will avoid making remarks like the matches had to go on longer because they had to explain the offside rule, because they are unneccessary. Truth is, I enjoy watching women's football. I mean Bend it Like Beckham was a brilliant film after all.
RIP NOTW
Whether you approved of the News of the World's techniques in finding stories or not, you must admit it was pretty interesting to read. I personally will miss hearing about the Fake Sheik and what he managed to convince celebrities to say when they thought they were talking in private. In particular, the newspaper should have our thanks for outing the Pakistani cricketers who tried to ruin the sport. It is a shame they never nailed Sepp Blatter as well, then they could have tried to rescue two sports from corruption.
Plane to Spain
We've had the Arms Race, now footballers are seeing who can get the plane to Spain the fastest. Cesc Fabregas has been putting in a top effort for the last couple of years, whilst Carlos Tevez has made a late dash, although he may have to wait for his move. Rumours have been circulating about a big bid from Barcelona for Gareth Bale, but that would appear highly unlikely. It will be interesting to see which moaning footballer out of Fabregas and Tevez can get there first as players convince themselves that they will get into the Real Madrid and Barcelona teams. Tevez possibly could get in the Madrid team, but Cesc should be careful before rushing back to Catalunia. He may have won nothing at Arsenal, but at least he got on the pitch. Maybe he should talk to Javier Mascherano, who spent the whole season on the bench and only got to play when there were injuries, before deciding to leave.
Hall of Lame
If Rio is flop of the week, it would seem right to look back at some of his indiscretions. This week he was accused of having affairs with 10 women, he has had a number of one night stands, filmed himself having group sex in Cyprus and missed a drugs test because he went shopping. And in a continuation of this, he decided to send a direct message to journalist Oliver Holt recently, saying: "You fat prick. U got something to say about me missing a drugs test say it when u see me." And this was the England captain, who got replaced by John Terry. Lovely.
Also, as the News of the World is shutting down, we should remember the time Sven fell for the Fake Sheikh and said he would be tempted to join Aston Villa as manager and could bring David Beckham with him. Brilliant.
The week ahead
Golf, like tennis, decides to throw together a few majors at the same time, so only a few weeks after Rory McIlroy's triumph at Congressional, we are back in Britain for the British Open. Here are my predictions:
Winner: Graeme McDowell (sorry to jinx him)
Runner-up: Lee Westwood
Rory McIlroy performance: 65, 67, 81, 59 - ends 5th
Certainty to miss the cut: Phil Mickelson (has only one top 10 finish in this event)
Also this week, Liverpool will announce they are going to build a new stadium. Rumours are it will be sponsored by the History Channel.
Quotes of the week
Carlos Tevez: "My little toe is hurting, so I have to go to Spain."
Cesc Fabregas: "I miss eating good paella, so I must return to my homeland."
Harry Redknapp: "Luka Modric is not leaving no matter what."
Daniel Levy: "We will never sell Luka Modric."
Luka Modric: "Sod it, I'm off to Spain."
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Djoker has last laugh, as Haye fails to wiggle his big toe
Welcome to a special edition of the blog which makes me feel better about my own lack of sporting ability by making fun of others who are a lot better. As this week saw the end of Wimbledon for another year, we have an exclusive from good friend and expert on women's tennis, Sam Travell, who gives us his top 10 players (and no, Martina Navratilova will not be on the list if you understand what I mean). There are numerous pictures and links for you to enjoy should you have a bit of spare time on your hands.
Also this week, we look at the tournament as a whole, followed by an assessment on the most overly-hyped fight in history. For all his bragging, Haye deservedly finds his place on this blog after losing so comfortably and then giving poor excuses. And as usual, there is the standard football chat and random stuff which I have decided to add in for your enjoyment.
Flop(ianski) of the week
If we knew anything before Saturday about David Haye it was that he can certainly talk the talk. Maybe he could go and work with Ed Miliband and help him with his interviews. I could just picture it now: "This election will be as one-sides as a gangrape," although with Clegg and Cameron teaming up together this prediction could become a scary possibility, albeit with the roles reversed.
However, Haye's bark is certainly better than his bite, as he was totally outclassed by Wladimir Klitschko in a fight which was as one-sided as Haye had predicted. On average, the three judges gave the Ukranian an 8 point victory which in boxing is a comprehensive victory. Perhaps we should have seen this coming seeing as Haye wore the new England away shirt as he entered the ring. Might as well start how we plan to continue. The Londoner had the support of Andy Murray for the big fight, while Klitschko had three-time Wimbledon winner Boris Becker at ringside. Again, the omens were not good.
Once the fight was over and Dr Steelhammer was announced as the clear and undisputed winner, Haye decided to put in his worst performance of the night, that was, he said he had lost because he had broken his little toe. Now it is not for me to criticise a world champion, certainly one who is a lot bigger than me, but seeing someone with biceps the size of my head complain about a little toe when Tiger Woods won a US Open having broken a leg, suffered cruciate ligament damage and had to play a fifth round makes does not seem right.
Haye's injury reminds me of the beginning of Kill Bill Volume 1 when Uma Thurman sits in the back of a car desperately trying to wiggle her little toe in order to get the rest of her legs to start moving again. Then again, Haye has said he hopes to have a career in acting once his boxing days were over. After his performance before and after the fight it isn't hard to see him star on the big screen, just as long as he isn't asked to be a stuntman in case his feet cannot cope.
Hall of Lame
"My size will take its toll on him,"
"He is so scared of losing, he has trained like a crazy man. We did not expect him to come in so light".
"David Haye's ego is way out of control, like mine was back in the day," "I've got compassion for David Haye but he's going to get schooled in the art of boxing."
Sorry to remind you about the worst fight in boxing history, but it seems appropriate to refer to the last guy who thought he was going to dominate the heavyweight scene. What's even more worrying is that Audley hasn't retired yet, although I don't think the fans in Manchester will be flocking back to see him any time soon. Still, you can't beat these quotes when you are looking for a good chuckle.
Djokovic dethrones the King
Rafael Nadal is the king of clay and for the rest of his career always will be. But he had started to become the king of grass until he was dethroned by the brutal hitting of Novak Djokovic. My admiration for Nadal, who played a rare poor match by his standards, remains undiminished, but my respect for Djokovic has definitely raised up a level. The Serbian had shown an aversion to grass which matched that of Mario Balotelli (who suffered an allergic reaction), and like our Italian friend he has found a way to overcome it.
But where does that leave Andy Murray? It's funny that when he was winning tournaments a few years ago and was number 2 in the world, a lot of people seemed to dislike him. But now that he has started to struggle more and has decided to let a load of bum fluff grow on his face he has become the darling of centre court, giving the crowd their customary semi-final appearance. He is truly the heir to Henman and I take no joy in predicting that he would not win this tournament two weeks ago as he is about as mentally strong as the Arsenal back four and as good at holding on to a lead as them. Still, it is only a couple of months until the US Open and we will continue to believe that he can win a Grand Slam (me included). I suppose with Djokovic being the new world number one he probably won't have to play Nadal in the semi-finals. Not much of a silver lining I know.
Sam Travell women's top 10
Good news for Forest fans, Andy Reid has returned to the club over 6 years since his £4 million move to Spurs. In other news, Burger King have announced they are to open a new store next to the City Ground.
http://hasandrevillasboasbeensackedyet.com/
Birmingham City owner Carson Yeung has been arrested over alleged bribery. This is the same Yeung who passed a "fit and proper person test" and promised to give then manager Alex McLeish around £50 million to spend. Harry Redknapp once said fans don't care who their owners are as long as they put the money into the club, even if they were Saddam Hussain. And even he probably would have been seen as acceptable. It is therefore no surprise that Birmingham should have Marlon King on their books, a player who the description of "fit and proper" has never been applicable. The Blues have been run as a Mickey Mouse club recently and knowing the Football League, there is always the chance that he could be actually running the club in the future, although he might have to keep Minnie away from the changing room.
England v. Sri Lanka 3rd odi - Kieswetter and Trott combined in the first powerplay: 5 runs from 26 balls
Angelo Matthews when blocking to try and let Chandimal reach his century: 1 from 21 balls
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger: "I am glad to welcome Pascal to the club. I feel he can add a lot to the team and improve team spirit."
Stuart Broad: "We will play a brand of fearless cricket."
Steve McClaren: "I, erm, am happy... to be able to welcome... Andy... to the club. I believe... he will bring... a great presence to the club."
Headline of the week - BBC Sport: 'Sex Crime player faces new probe'
Also this week, we look at the tournament as a whole, followed by an assessment on the most overly-hyped fight in history. For all his bragging, Haye deservedly finds his place on this blog after losing so comfortably and then giving poor excuses. And as usual, there is the standard football chat and random stuff which I have decided to add in for your enjoyment.
Flop(ianski) of the week
If we knew anything before Saturday about David Haye it was that he can certainly talk the talk. Maybe he could go and work with Ed Miliband and help him with his interviews. I could just picture it now: "This election will be as one-sides as a gangrape," although with Clegg and Cameron teaming up together this prediction could become a scary possibility, albeit with the roles reversed.
However, Haye's bark is certainly better than his bite, as he was totally outclassed by Wladimir Klitschko in a fight which was as one-sided as Haye had predicted. On average, the three judges gave the Ukranian an 8 point victory which in boxing is a comprehensive victory. Perhaps we should have seen this coming seeing as Haye wore the new England away shirt as he entered the ring. Might as well start how we plan to continue. The Londoner had the support of Andy Murray for the big fight, while Klitschko had three-time Wimbledon winner Boris Becker at ringside. Again, the omens were not good.
Once the fight was over and Dr Steelhammer was announced as the clear and undisputed winner, Haye decided to put in his worst performance of the night, that was, he said he had lost because he had broken his little toe. Now it is not for me to criticise a world champion, certainly one who is a lot bigger than me, but seeing someone with biceps the size of my head complain about a little toe when Tiger Woods won a US Open having broken a leg, suffered cruciate ligament damage and had to play a fifth round makes does not seem right.
Haye's injury reminds me of the beginning of Kill Bill Volume 1 when Uma Thurman sits in the back of a car desperately trying to wiggle her little toe in order to get the rest of her legs to start moving again. Then again, Haye has said he hopes to have a career in acting once his boxing days were over. After his performance before and after the fight it isn't hard to see him star on the big screen, just as long as he isn't asked to be a stuntman in case his feet cannot cope.
Hall of Lame
"My size will take its toll on him,"
"He is so scared of losing, he has trained like a crazy man. We did not expect him to come in so light".
"David Haye's ego is way out of control, like mine was back in the day," "I've got compassion for David Haye but he's going to get schooled in the art of boxing."
Sorry to remind you about the worst fight in boxing history, but it seems appropriate to refer to the last guy who thought he was going to dominate the heavyweight scene. What's even more worrying is that Audley hasn't retired yet, although I don't think the fans in Manchester will be flocking back to see him any time soon. Still, you can't beat these quotes when you are looking for a good chuckle.
Djokovic dethrones the King
Rafael Nadal is the king of clay and for the rest of his career always will be. But he had started to become the king of grass until he was dethroned by the brutal hitting of Novak Djokovic. My admiration for Nadal, who played a rare poor match by his standards, remains undiminished, but my respect for Djokovic has definitely raised up a level. The Serbian had shown an aversion to grass which matched that of Mario Balotelli (who suffered an allergic reaction), and like our Italian friend he has found a way to overcome it.
But where does that leave Andy Murray? It's funny that when he was winning tournaments a few years ago and was number 2 in the world, a lot of people seemed to dislike him. But now that he has started to struggle more and has decided to let a load of bum fluff grow on his face he has become the darling of centre court, giving the crowd their customary semi-final appearance. He is truly the heir to Henman and I take no joy in predicting that he would not win this tournament two weeks ago as he is about as mentally strong as the Arsenal back four and as good at holding on to a lead as them. Still, it is only a couple of months until the US Open and we will continue to believe that he can win a Grand Slam (me included). I suppose with Djokovic being the new world number one he probably won't have to play Nadal in the semi-finals. Not much of a silver lining I know.
Sam Travell women's top 10
It is a great privilege for me to be writing in this blog for the first time. I have a strong interest in tennis and girls, so what better way than to combine the two than to have a top 10. As tennis has been played for many years and me lacking knowledge about people like Virginia Wade and Sue Barker, I’ve decided to keep it a bit more recent, as in 2000 onwards. And as Wimbledon fever has hit everyone around the country, what better way to celebrate tennis and spend your next few minutes than by looking at my top 10 good-looking female tennis players.
In coming to my conclusions, I have had to contemplate many different things. For example, I’m sure Heidi Klum (definitely worth a google) has picked up a tennis racket once in her lifetime, but unfortunately I don’t think she can make it onto my top 10 tennis players, although she certainly has talents that are worth showcasing. All the players in my list have had a significant impact on the tennis world and have justified themselves to be classed tennis players, so without further ado, here it is:
10) It kills me to have to place her here, but LAURA ROBSON comes in at number 10. Close friends of mine will know about my passion for this upcoming star and my potential future wife, but after seeing a picture of her mum (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1032387/Glory-Laura---At-24-years-Britain-produces-Wimbledon-champion--8211-smasher-is.html) and knowing what she is going to turn into, I think a 10 is the best for her.
9) AMANDA COETZER brings us in at number 9. Married to a Hollywood director shows potential and being on a few modelling shoots shows when she was younger she most definitely had it. Now retired, her age has caught up with her – need I say anymore.
8) NICOLE VAIDISOVA. (http://uk.askmen.com/galleries/nicole-vaidisova/picture-2.html#!2 ) A secret talent but however a stalk back into her past brings some pleasantly beautiful pictures, however, not making a name for yourself and relatively low tennis ranking keeps this girl in 8th spot I’m afraid.
7) Another beauty at number 7, GISELA DULKO. (http://www.zimbio.com/Gisela+Dulko) Currently engaged (or maybe married now) to a Real Madrid footballer this women has shown she must have something about her, but again her tennis is letting her down – I quote: “Gisela is a frequent player on both the singles and doubles circuit but struggles to play with consistency in singles.” No excuses for poor consistency love, lets just hope your husband hasn’t followed the footballers trend and kept consistent with you, and not taken a fancy to your doubles partner http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/te/profile/2432.html, although in hindsight….!!!
6) MARIA KIRILENKO is perhaps our final player who you may not have heard of. She has tennis prowess, proving this by winning the 2005 WTA Chinese Open, not bad going, with the looks as well – a definite potential winner, if only she can get her ranking down. (http://itsmysports.blogspot.com/2011/05/maria-kirilenko-weight.html)
TOP 5
So as we enter the business end of the table, not only do the looks have to be there, there has to be a brand, a name everyone remembers, a person who has brought tennis into the good, which is why I start with a potential outsider at number 5,
5) http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-12833580 Need I say anymore. (Good Brummy girl and photo taken down the road from were I live, perfect, justifies top 5 I think).
4) DANIELA HANTUCHOVA, http://worldstarstop.blogspot.com/2011/03/daniela-hantuchova-personal-life.html Well known name, won many titles, definitely threatening the top 3 but those off days that she has, plus some dodgy photos has prevented her from just making it.
3) MARIA SHARAPOVA. Maria takes the brand to the whole new level, well known by everyone, big earner, big player and as I write this the only female on this list left in Wimbledon 2011. I wish her all the best, and for those unsure of this beauty check her at the Wimbledon pre-party, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V1_09_qHiA
2) After a recent photo-shoot with this girl, ANA IVANOVIC comes in silver place. Stunner all round, tennis not bad either, and after meeting her in the flesh, my desire is always to be with Ana. (Keep any forest fans out there happy).
So that brings us to number 1: however here’s two videos to wet your appetite for women’s tennis before you read on.
(Don’t watch them too many times, don’t want the WTA to think women’s tennis has that much interest).
So at NUMBER 1 is a girl I once saw when I was a little younger, at first I thought what’s she doing playing tennis. Common sense has now prevailed and modelling became her greatest interest. This talent was all the talk when she first turned professional and now she still makes the headlines but for different reasons, I give to you ANNA KOURNIKOVA. I remember first seeing her and then whenever tennis came into conversation tried to slip her name in, ‘have you seen her’, but now all you can see her and bask in her glory: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=anna+kournikova&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1280&bih=603
She is the most searched sports player of all time and her website has been viewed more times than any other sports player in the world – wow! She also partnered with MARTINA HINGIS, a girl who just missed out on this left, and won many doubles titles, being number 1 in the doubles rankings for a while – such a shame you never won a singles title ever.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed my take on women’s tennis, and before you think you’ve never got a chance with these girls I leave you with this:
Sam Travell
JL: Don't think the future wife will be happy to see herself at number 10!
Arsene's regime crumbles like a cookie
If there is anything certain in football, it is that without doubt, we will almost probably not be sure whether Cesc Fabregas is going to Barcelona or not. However, I can almost definitely guess, that without question, we will in all likelihood be bored of all talk about it. Probably.
In all seriousness, Arsenal these days resemble the last days of the Soviet Union (even if you never studied the Cold War you can pretty much understand what I'm going on about). The regime of a stubborn, single-minded leader, who believes all players at his club should play in the same style, is slowly crumbling beneath him as he tries to adapt to a changing world. The likes of Fabregas, Nasri and Clichy have been swayed by the talent in Spain and up north and are jumping ship like it's the Titanic.
Arsene Wenger may be a Frenchman, but he acts like a Jew, and not because his teams like to pass the ball into the net. Don't be surprised to see Sol Campbell brought back, alongside Patrick Vieira and Robert Pires as Le Professuer tries to save his dosh. Just as long as he doesn't bring back Pascal Cygan.
10 reasons to watch the women's World Cup
http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/babes/76600/unashamedly-sexist-top-10-hottest-players-at-womens-world-cup.html
JL: Don't think the future wife will be happy to see herself at number 10!
Arsene's regime crumbles like a cookie
If there is anything certain in football, it is that without doubt, we will almost probably not be sure whether Cesc Fabregas is going to Barcelona or not. However, I can almost definitely guess, that without question, we will in all likelihood be bored of all talk about it. Probably.
In all seriousness, Arsenal these days resemble the last days of the Soviet Union (even if you never studied the Cold War you can pretty much understand what I'm going on about). The regime of a stubborn, single-minded leader, who believes all players at his club should play in the same style, is slowly crumbling beneath him as he tries to adapt to a changing world. The likes of Fabregas, Nasri and Clichy have been swayed by the talent in Spain and up north and are jumping ship like it's the Titanic.
Arsene Wenger may be a Frenchman, but he acts like a Jew, and not because his teams like to pass the ball into the net. Don't be surprised to see Sol Campbell brought back, alongside Patrick Vieira and Robert Pires as Le Professuer tries to save his dosh. Just as long as he doesn't bring back Pascal Cygan.
10 reasons to watch the women's World Cup
http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/babes/76600/unashamedly-sexist-top-10-hottest-players-at-womens-world-cup.html
Good news for Forest fans, Andy Reid has returned to the club over 6 years since his £4 million move to Spurs. In other news, Burger King have announced they are to open a new store next to the City Ground.
http://hasandrevillasboasbeensackedyet.com/
Birmingham City owner Carson Yeung has been arrested over alleged bribery. This is the same Yeung who passed a "fit and proper person test" and promised to give then manager Alex McLeish around £50 million to spend. Harry Redknapp once said fans don't care who their owners are as long as they put the money into the club, even if they were Saddam Hussain. And even he probably would have been seen as acceptable. It is therefore no surprise that Birmingham should have Marlon King on their books, a player who the description of "fit and proper" has never been applicable. The Blues have been run as a Mickey Mouse club recently and knowing the Football League, there is always the chance that he could be actually running the club in the future, although he might have to keep Minnie away from the changing room.
England v. Sri Lanka 3rd odi - Kieswetter and Trott combined in the first powerplay: 5 runs from 26 balls
Angelo Matthews when blocking to try and let Chandimal reach his century: 1 from 21 balls
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger: "I am glad to welcome Pascal to the club. I feel he can add a lot to the team and improve team spirit."
Stuart Broad: "We will play a brand of fearless cricket."
Steve McClaren: "I, erm, am happy... to be able to welcome... Andy... to the club. I believe... he will bring... a great presence to the club."
Headline of the week - BBC Sport: 'Sex Crime player faces new probe'
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Grandmaster Roman adds another pawn to his collection
Hola and welcome to my attempt to redeem myself for my inadequate effort with last week's blog. In my defence, my family were round and I hadn't seen my nephew in a couple of months, so I decided to use material which I was planning to post earlier in the week but hadn't got round to. Poor excuse I know. So this week I have gone down a tried and trusted method to getting you back on my side: slagging off Chelsea and making lots of sexist comments (some of which are deserved, some maybe aren't).
And look out for a special next week, as tennis lover, future boyfriend of Ana Ivanovic and future husband of Laura Robson, Sam Travell gives us his top 10 on women tennis players. And here's a clue, expect Kournikova ahead of Navratilova. Should he fail to do so, he will be forced to do a humiliating forfeit.
New man in Chelsea firing line
The happiest man at the signing of Andre Villas-Boas is John Terry. Since the departure of Jose Mourinho, all Chelsea managers are of a certain age and it is more than likely that their wives were of a similar age too (think Grant, Scolari, Hiddink and Ancelotti). But the appointment of a 33-year-old brings renewed hope for JT as he poses on the beach with his wife, who appears to have forgiven him. Expect to see the J Tezza (thought I'd try it out) with a spring in his step next season, and we will all know why.
Hopefully, after costing £13.3 million to get him out of Porto, Villas-Boas will be less of a flop than Fernando Torres, but then that isn't hard. The only way he could be any worse is if he got Chelsea relegated and convinced Roman Abramovich to sell the club to the guy who pretended to run Notts County, leaving behind a load of overpaid players. Still, he could win the Carling Cup and get them in the Europa League, then maybe they could finally win a European tournament.
Wimbledon serves up classic encounters
They say history tends to repeat itself, but unfortunately we were not treated to another Isner v. Mahut marathon match. Let's face it, watching Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Murray breeze through week one was boring, but what could be more fun than watching the world number 95 and the ninth best player in France, play the world number 47 and fourth best player in America? I suppose watching Fernando Torres miss an open goal comes close.
I bring up Isner v. Mahut for a good reason. After last week's blog was criticised (perhaps rightly) for not living up to its normally lofty standards, I have decided to resort to full on sexism to win everyone back. Now here is my argument: how is it right that a woman like Serena Williams can win Wimbledon in less time than it took both men to play their match? The feminists might say that women are equal to men, but then why do they play best of three sets and the men play best of five? Those who had the "joy" of doing GCSE maths with me know that numbers are not my strongest point, but surely anyone can work out that women should get 3/5 the pay of men, or start playing best of five. Looking at some of the butch women who play the game, I am in no doubt that they could man up (literally) and play a couple of extra sets.
If you have the energy to grunt for 2 hours then I'm sure you can keep quiet and play for a bit longer. I turned on to Wimbledon and the first thing that hit me was Venus' loud roar as she hit the ball. With the roof closed it didn't sound like a normal grunt, it was sub-human, like watching the Lion King. Luckily there was nobody else around when i started watching her play, because they would have thought I was listening to some grotesque sort of porn. There should be a ban of certain players playing under the roof and Venus should be number 1.
Samit failing to tuck in
And as we are talking about fitness, we might as well move on to Samit Patel. Cricket is seen as a sport for men (and women) of all sizes, but those days are changing. Clearly Samit had been enjoying the curry houses and pubs of Kimberley too much, although he isn't the only person I know from Kimbo who has an extra bit of timber. But there's one surprising element with Samit... I swear he hasn't lost any weight. He still looks as round as ever despite apparently losing enough weight to now be chosen for England. Not that I have anything against people who are a bit hefty (I mean how much of a hypocrite could I be?) Still, he chose a bad time to get run out without scoring, after being too lazy to get back into his crease. It took the third umpire a while to give him out, but then again it took him a while to get a camera angle where he could see both the popping crease and the stumps in the same shot.
Home Nations revel in their arrogance
A quick question. Apart from Wales, why would the 2012 GB football team pick players from any other country except England? Where are these great Scottish youngsters hiding that are going to destroy the Spanish? Admittedly the England under-21 side didn't exactly set alight their European Championships, but the arrogance of the other British nations is staggering. I've never heard anyone complain about the Lions tours, but at least in rugby there are good players from all home nations and not just England.
Flop(ianski) of the week
Samit was certainly one contender this week, but Jack Warner has to be the winner. In fact, I almost admire Jack for his ability to be found guilty of so many things yet escaping judgement and being able to secure a large pension for himself. Jamie Carragher once said that it was unfair to say that players in League Two cared more then their illustrious Premier League counterparts, because it was the better players who put more effort in to make such they succeeded at the sport. Now that is a fairer assessment on men like Mr Warner. For too long we have looked upon the corrupt as if they are unintelligent and lucky to be in a position of such wealth. Warner has clearly spent hours perfecting the ability to lick the backside of filthy sporting dictators such as Sepp Blatter and avoiding any consequences for his actions. But should he want to be caught less often trying to steal the public's money, he might want to pay more attention in Westminster.
Hall of Lame
Every year at Wimbledon. We approach the second week and there is only one Brit left in the singles. Every year.
Villas-Boas' time at Chelsea
October - top of the table playing some attractive football
November - John Terry shags his wife
December - Ray Wilkins becomes assistant manager but is sacked a week later after telling Roman to stay on his feet
January - mid-season slump, but still top and in all 4 competitions
February - Gets shot by Ashley Cole who says it was an accident
March - wins the Carling Cup
April - Fernando Torres scores
May - wins the Premier League and FA Cup
Late May - loses Champions League final to Barcelona after Busquets and Alves get half the Chelsea team sent off.
Next day - sacked - leaves with £15 million compensation
August - Avram Grant becomes manager
September - John Terry shags his wife
The one thing nobody wants...
A Venus Williams v. Maria Sharapova Wimbledon final. With the roof shut.
Embarrassing moment of the week
One time, whilst on a school trip to Dublin, somebody told me that Oscar Wilde lived in the city. I questioned this knowledge when my teacher, who was not within ear-shot, decided that moment to tell the group of us that we were now stood beside Oscar Wilde's house.
My slightly embarrassing moment of the week was along the same lines as this mistake. But although I had reason not to know about Oscar Wilde's birth-place, I pride myself to be somebody who is extremely knowledgable on all things cricket. So it was slightly worrying when at Trent Bridge, I asked my mate "why is Adam Voges coming into bat at number 3? He hasn't scored any runs this year." However, the annoucer chose that moment to tell the crowd that Voges was the joint top run scorer in this year's tournament alongside David Hussey. And after today's match, he is now the sole leading run scorer. At least I wasn't laughed at for my ignorance...
Quotes of the week
John Terry: "I look forward welcoming the new manager and his wife to London."
Cesc Fabregas: "I love Arsenal, it forms a special bond in my heart."
Steve McClaren: "I know (pause) this club (pause) this team (pause). I think, erm, they play (pause) good football?"
Cesc Fabregas: "I want to leave. Barcelona has a special bond for me and I cannot bear to be in England any more."
And look out for a special next week, as tennis lover, future boyfriend of Ana Ivanovic and future husband of Laura Robson, Sam Travell gives us his top 10 on women tennis players. And here's a clue, expect Kournikova ahead of Navratilova. Should he fail to do so, he will be forced to do a humiliating forfeit.
New man in Chelsea firing line
The happiest man at the signing of Andre Villas-Boas is John Terry. Since the departure of Jose Mourinho, all Chelsea managers are of a certain age and it is more than likely that their wives were of a similar age too (think Grant, Scolari, Hiddink and Ancelotti). But the appointment of a 33-year-old brings renewed hope for JT as he poses on the beach with his wife, who appears to have forgiven him. Expect to see the J Tezza (thought I'd try it out) with a spring in his step next season, and we will all know why.
Hopefully, after costing £13.3 million to get him out of Porto, Villas-Boas will be less of a flop than Fernando Torres, but then that isn't hard. The only way he could be any worse is if he got Chelsea relegated and convinced Roman Abramovich to sell the club to the guy who pretended to run Notts County, leaving behind a load of overpaid players. Still, he could win the Carling Cup and get them in the Europa League, then maybe they could finally win a European tournament.
Wimbledon serves up classic encounters
They say history tends to repeat itself, but unfortunately we were not treated to another Isner v. Mahut marathon match. Let's face it, watching Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Murray breeze through week one was boring, but what could be more fun than watching the world number 95 and the ninth best player in France, play the world number 47 and fourth best player in America? I suppose watching Fernando Torres miss an open goal comes close.
I bring up Isner v. Mahut for a good reason. After last week's blog was criticised (perhaps rightly) for not living up to its normally lofty standards, I have decided to resort to full on sexism to win everyone back. Now here is my argument: how is it right that a woman like Serena Williams can win Wimbledon in less time than it took both men to play their match? The feminists might say that women are equal to men, but then why do they play best of three sets and the men play best of five? Those who had the "joy" of doing GCSE maths with me know that numbers are not my strongest point, but surely anyone can work out that women should get 3/5 the pay of men, or start playing best of five. Looking at some of the butch women who play the game, I am in no doubt that they could man up (literally) and play a couple of extra sets.
If you have the energy to grunt for 2 hours then I'm sure you can keep quiet and play for a bit longer. I turned on to Wimbledon and the first thing that hit me was Venus' loud roar as she hit the ball. With the roof closed it didn't sound like a normal grunt, it was sub-human, like watching the Lion King. Luckily there was nobody else around when i started watching her play, because they would have thought I was listening to some grotesque sort of porn. There should be a ban of certain players playing under the roof and Venus should be number 1.
Samit failing to tuck in
And as we are talking about fitness, we might as well move on to Samit Patel. Cricket is seen as a sport for men (and women) of all sizes, but those days are changing. Clearly Samit had been enjoying the curry houses and pubs of Kimberley too much, although he isn't the only person I know from Kimbo who has an extra bit of timber. But there's one surprising element with Samit... I swear he hasn't lost any weight. He still looks as round as ever despite apparently losing enough weight to now be chosen for England. Not that I have anything against people who are a bit hefty (I mean how much of a hypocrite could I be?) Still, he chose a bad time to get run out without scoring, after being too lazy to get back into his crease. It took the third umpire a while to give him out, but then again it took him a while to get a camera angle where he could see both the popping crease and the stumps in the same shot.
Home Nations revel in their arrogance
A quick question. Apart from Wales, why would the 2012 GB football team pick players from any other country except England? Where are these great Scottish youngsters hiding that are going to destroy the Spanish? Admittedly the England under-21 side didn't exactly set alight their European Championships, but the arrogance of the other British nations is staggering. I've never heard anyone complain about the Lions tours, but at least in rugby there are good players from all home nations and not just England.
Flop(ianski) of the week
Samit was certainly one contender this week, but Jack Warner has to be the winner. In fact, I almost admire Jack for his ability to be found guilty of so many things yet escaping judgement and being able to secure a large pension for himself. Jamie Carragher once said that it was unfair to say that players in League Two cared more then their illustrious Premier League counterparts, because it was the better players who put more effort in to make such they succeeded at the sport. Now that is a fairer assessment on men like Mr Warner. For too long we have looked upon the corrupt as if they are unintelligent and lucky to be in a position of such wealth. Warner has clearly spent hours perfecting the ability to lick the backside of filthy sporting dictators such as Sepp Blatter and avoiding any consequences for his actions. But should he want to be caught less often trying to steal the public's money, he might want to pay more attention in Westminster.
Hall of Lame
Every year at Wimbledon. We approach the second week and there is only one Brit left in the singles. Every year.
Villas-Boas' time at Chelsea
October - top of the table playing some attractive football
November - John Terry shags his wife
December - Ray Wilkins becomes assistant manager but is sacked a week later after telling Roman to stay on his feet
January - mid-season slump, but still top and in all 4 competitions
February - Gets shot by Ashley Cole who says it was an accident
March - wins the Carling Cup
April - Fernando Torres scores
May - wins the Premier League and FA Cup
Late May - loses Champions League final to Barcelona after Busquets and Alves get half the Chelsea team sent off.
Next day - sacked - leaves with £15 million compensation
August - Avram Grant becomes manager
September - John Terry shags his wife
The one thing nobody wants...
A Venus Williams v. Maria Sharapova Wimbledon final. With the roof shut.
Embarrassing moment of the week
One time, whilst on a school trip to Dublin, somebody told me that Oscar Wilde lived in the city. I questioned this knowledge when my teacher, who was not within ear-shot, decided that moment to tell the group of us that we were now stood beside Oscar Wilde's house.
My slightly embarrassing moment of the week was along the same lines as this mistake. But although I had reason not to know about Oscar Wilde's birth-place, I pride myself to be somebody who is extremely knowledgable on all things cricket. So it was slightly worrying when at Trent Bridge, I asked my mate "why is Adam Voges coming into bat at number 3? He hasn't scored any runs this year." However, the annoucer chose that moment to tell the crowd that Voges was the joint top run scorer in this year's tournament alongside David Hussey. And after today's match, he is now the sole leading run scorer. At least I wasn't laughed at for my ignorance...
Quotes of the week
John Terry: "I look forward welcoming the new manager and his wife to London."
Cesc Fabregas: "I love Arsenal, it forms a special bond in my heart."
Steve McClaren: "I know (pause) this club (pause) this team (pause). I think, erm, they play (pause) good football?"
Cesc Fabregas: "I want to leave. Barcelona has a special bond for me and I cannot bear to be in England any more."
Monday, 20 June 2011
Summer sports make up for football absence
Hands up who is missing the football season? Ok, all of us, but the summer sports have done their best to make up for a lack of football. We have seen a dramatic batting collapse, two Brits winning tennis tournaments and an Englishman replacing another one at the top of the golf world rankings after beating him in a play-off.
As Rory McIlroy prepares for his final round in Maryland and Britain bracing itself for Wimbledon, here's hoping the entertainment doesn't stop and that Forest finally sign somebody (well, football never takes a break really).
Cricketers tower above Sri Lankans
When Jonathan Agnew hasn't been talking out about the difficulties of putting a rubber on, the England cricketers have slowly closing in on another series victory, this time over a Sri Lankan side who hadn't played a Test away from home in three years and whose two best players had been playing T20 cricket until about a week before the first day's play.
It was even more bizarre that England's best seam bowler, James Anderson, was injured with a side strain and couldn't bowl again in the second innings. Cardiff has only hosted two Tests but is starting to get a reputation as a ground for dramatic endings. Apart from watching Chris Tremlett and Graeme Swann blast through the Sri Lankan batsmen, we were treated two years ago to Monty Panesar and Anderson denying Australia in the first Ashes Test. Nevermind that Paul Collingwood batted for most of the day for a boring 70 odd, we only remember the two bowlers hanging on as Mitchell Johnson sprayed the ball everywhere. Well, some things never change.
The last match at Lords was a dull draw, but was noticeable for England fielding their tallest ever team, only for the pitch to be low and slow. However, the main talking point came from the smashed window in the home dressing room which came as a result of Matt Prior either: throwing a glove, which hit a bat, which smashed the window or, more likely, getting his bat and in a violent rage chucking it at the window. Because the game was so dull, this became the biggest topic of conversation which again highlights why we need to see the Indian team get here as quick as possible.
However, the Indians have already caused controversy by refusing to use the Review system for the Test series. This is like Fifa implementing goal-line technology, but not using it in a World Cup qualifier because one of the teams didn't want it. The fact that India are the dominant force in cricket and current World champions means they should be using the system alongside every other Test playing nation. I'm already hoping that in the first morning of the first day of the first Test, Sachin Tendulkar gets a shocking decision and there is nothing he can do about it. Maybe then they will change their minds.
England eye US success
England is known as a country which is good at pub sports and little else. So while we have dominated snooker and darts, we are no longer recognised as the best at anything which involves a great deal of fitness. So it may come as no surprise to see our recent successes at cricket and golf. Ok, both sports require some degree of fitness, but you get my point. However, this is not to say that I am not thrilled by watching Luke Donald and Lee Westwood fill the top two spots in the world rankings, especially as the latter is from Worksop and is a Forest fan (good lad!)
Add in Ian Poulter, Paul Casey, Justin Rose etc and you have a core of talented golfers who are good enough to win any tournament. This leads us to the US Open which started on Thursday. Donald went into it as the number one ranked player in the world after defeating Westwood in a play-off. He had been in the top 10 in 15 of his last 16 tournaments, which meant it was inevitable he would do poorly this week. As Tiger Woods' ranking gets closer and closer to the number of women he's shagged, it means the tournament was wide open. Wrong! Watching Rory McIlroy play golf is like watching me play it on the Xbox, except with a much bigger audience and by using clubs instead of a controller. The number of people who have now said that he can overtake Jack Nichlaus' record of 18 majors are slightly premature, seeing as he has only won 1 and that was only his 3rd ever tournament victory.
Even more suspect is the Americans' support for young Rory. While we have to support our football team despite them being useless in pressure situations, the Yanks have decided to support a British player with Tiger struggling. Even more annoying was the guy interviewing McIlroy when he received the trophy asking him if he was going to come and play more in America, after the Northern Irishman decided to concentrate playing on the European Tour instead. I think the Americans should just accept that they are no longer as good as the Europeans and deal with it. I'm just waiting for the day Andy Murray wins the US Open and the crowd decide to try and make him their own.
However, it's a shame that despite all our great players in most sports, we pin our hopes on a Scot in the tennis and a Northern Irishman in the golf. But I suppose we have the darts for now, at least until Phil Taylor retires.
English tennis players getting high on grass
Yes it's that time of the year. Those two weeks where we all think Andy Murray will actually win Wimbledon (wouldn't back him if he was 20-1) and where we complain that no other Brits are any good. But wait a minute. Murray has just won Queens (still can't see him beating any of the world's top 3), Elena Baltacha has won a tournament in Nottingham and James Ward got to a semi-final after beating two of the world's top 20 players. Not that any of this will mean much when we get to the first day of Wimbledon, but it's nice to see that we aren't as bad as we make out, just not as good as most of Europe.
When we get to two weeks on Sunday, I full expect Roger Federer not to win, although if he played like he did at the French Open he certainly has a chance. What we have learnt in the past few years is that Federer can never truly be the best player in history. For a start, comparing players from past generations is pointless. Secondly, he is not even the best player in his own era. Watching him play Rafa Nadal over the past few years has just shown that the Spaniard is clearly the superior player, regardless of what happens in the next fortnight. Having beaten Federer at Wimbledon and the Australian Open finals, as well as Roland Garros, we have seen Nadal show that he is a true great. Not only does his game have no obvious weakness, even when he doesn't play brilliantly he has a way of winning. If we want Murray to win, maybe we will have to put something in his paella to stop him from making it to the court.
Flop(ianski) of the week
There aren't any obvious candidates as far as I can tell, but for his stupid and corrosive tweets, it has to go to Joey Barton. I know, what a shock. Maybe tweeting isn't quite the same as putting out a cigarette in a team-mate's eye or giving Ousmane Dabo a black eye, but when you have lost your best player, I don't think it helps to tweet saying you, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique are leaving. I think it shows the problem with the internet, that any idiot can use it. As I have proved myself.
Hall of Lame
Speaking of stupid tweets, it seems only right to pick an example of somebody embarrassing himself on the site. There are no shortage of people we can choose from, but the best example has to be Darren Bent. Trying to move from Tottenham to Sunderland, he decided the best thing to do was tell all of his followers the following:
"Seriously getting p***** off now,"
"Why can’t anything be simple. It’s so frustrating hanging round doing jack s***."
"Sunderland are not the problem in the slightest," there then followed more stringent criticism of Levy. "Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy."
Instead of insulting Hull, who have moved on from Bent's snub and signed Dele Adebola, he might have remembered that he had signed a contract and that his club did not have to sell him, just as he didn't have to leave if the club had accepted a bid from elsewhere. Maybe Spurs did not want to let him leave until they had signed Mrs Redknapp to replace him.
The week ahead
By the end of the week, only one Brit is preparing for the fourth round. And it's not Andy Murray. Elena Baltacha goes on a winning run whilst Muzza waits to get on for his second round match because John Isner and Nicolas Mahut decide to prove last year's efforts were nothing and play a 15 hour match of 4 days, which the American wins again. Fair play to Mahut though, it's rare to see a Frenchman not surrendering when under pressure.
Phil Taylor announces his retirement from darts and we realise we are now not the best at any sports, except like cycling.
Cesc Fabregas announces he is leaving Arsenal and Luka Modric says he will not play for Spurs again, before both saying they were misquoted and that they love their clubs. Chelsea buy Lukaku, City buy Sanchez, United buy Young and Arsenal buy... some French teenager nobody has ever heard of.
Alex McLeish resigns from Aston Villa, saying he has been undermined by the board and decides to join Celtic.
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger - "I feel that we will win the league in five years time with our young squad."
Darren Bent - "I don't want to play at Villa cause there's a ginger manager. No, I won't go to Wolves. No, I don't want to go to Stoke. Mr Lerner, I want to go Spurs, you prick, now sell me before I have a full-on strop."
Fabio Capello - "The Under-21 side have proved that I'm not a rubbish manager. Now I will go to Chelsea and make Torres great again."
And again because you have been patient...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm_7LIVwriU&feature=youtu.be
As Rory McIlroy prepares for his final round in Maryland and Britain bracing itself for Wimbledon, here's hoping the entertainment doesn't stop and that Forest finally sign somebody (well, football never takes a break really).
Cricketers tower above Sri Lankans
When Jonathan Agnew hasn't been talking out about the difficulties of putting a rubber on, the England cricketers have slowly closing in on another series victory, this time over a Sri Lankan side who hadn't played a Test away from home in three years and whose two best players had been playing T20 cricket until about a week before the first day's play.
It was even more bizarre that England's best seam bowler, James Anderson, was injured with a side strain and couldn't bowl again in the second innings. Cardiff has only hosted two Tests but is starting to get a reputation as a ground for dramatic endings. Apart from watching Chris Tremlett and Graeme Swann blast through the Sri Lankan batsmen, we were treated two years ago to Monty Panesar and Anderson denying Australia in the first Ashes Test. Nevermind that Paul Collingwood batted for most of the day for a boring 70 odd, we only remember the two bowlers hanging on as Mitchell Johnson sprayed the ball everywhere. Well, some things never change.
The last match at Lords was a dull draw, but was noticeable for England fielding their tallest ever team, only for the pitch to be low and slow. However, the main talking point came from the smashed window in the home dressing room which came as a result of Matt Prior either: throwing a glove, which hit a bat, which smashed the window or, more likely, getting his bat and in a violent rage chucking it at the window. Because the game was so dull, this became the biggest topic of conversation which again highlights why we need to see the Indian team get here as quick as possible.
However, the Indians have already caused controversy by refusing to use the Review system for the Test series. This is like Fifa implementing goal-line technology, but not using it in a World Cup qualifier because one of the teams didn't want it. The fact that India are the dominant force in cricket and current World champions means they should be using the system alongside every other Test playing nation. I'm already hoping that in the first morning of the first day of the first Test, Sachin Tendulkar gets a shocking decision and there is nothing he can do about it. Maybe then they will change their minds.
England eye US success
England is known as a country which is good at pub sports and little else. So while we have dominated snooker and darts, we are no longer recognised as the best at anything which involves a great deal of fitness. So it may come as no surprise to see our recent successes at cricket and golf. Ok, both sports require some degree of fitness, but you get my point. However, this is not to say that I am not thrilled by watching Luke Donald and Lee Westwood fill the top two spots in the world rankings, especially as the latter is from Worksop and is a Forest fan (good lad!)
Add in Ian Poulter, Paul Casey, Justin Rose etc and you have a core of talented golfers who are good enough to win any tournament. This leads us to the US Open which started on Thursday. Donald went into it as the number one ranked player in the world after defeating Westwood in a play-off. He had been in the top 10 in 15 of his last 16 tournaments, which meant it was inevitable he would do poorly this week. As Tiger Woods' ranking gets closer and closer to the number of women he's shagged, it means the tournament was wide open. Wrong! Watching Rory McIlroy play golf is like watching me play it on the Xbox, except with a much bigger audience and by using clubs instead of a controller. The number of people who have now said that he can overtake Jack Nichlaus' record of 18 majors are slightly premature, seeing as he has only won 1 and that was only his 3rd ever tournament victory.
Even more suspect is the Americans' support for young Rory. While we have to support our football team despite them being useless in pressure situations, the Yanks have decided to support a British player with Tiger struggling. Even more annoying was the guy interviewing McIlroy when he received the trophy asking him if he was going to come and play more in America, after the Northern Irishman decided to concentrate playing on the European Tour instead. I think the Americans should just accept that they are no longer as good as the Europeans and deal with it. I'm just waiting for the day Andy Murray wins the US Open and the crowd decide to try and make him their own.
However, it's a shame that despite all our great players in most sports, we pin our hopes on a Scot in the tennis and a Northern Irishman in the golf. But I suppose we have the darts for now, at least until Phil Taylor retires.
English tennis players getting high on grass
Yes it's that time of the year. Those two weeks where we all think Andy Murray will actually win Wimbledon (wouldn't back him if he was 20-1) and where we complain that no other Brits are any good. But wait a minute. Murray has just won Queens (still can't see him beating any of the world's top 3), Elena Baltacha has won a tournament in Nottingham and James Ward got to a semi-final after beating two of the world's top 20 players. Not that any of this will mean much when we get to the first day of Wimbledon, but it's nice to see that we aren't as bad as we make out, just not as good as most of Europe.
When we get to two weeks on Sunday, I full expect Roger Federer not to win, although if he played like he did at the French Open he certainly has a chance. What we have learnt in the past few years is that Federer can never truly be the best player in history. For a start, comparing players from past generations is pointless. Secondly, he is not even the best player in his own era. Watching him play Rafa Nadal over the past few years has just shown that the Spaniard is clearly the superior player, regardless of what happens in the next fortnight. Having beaten Federer at Wimbledon and the Australian Open finals, as well as Roland Garros, we have seen Nadal show that he is a true great. Not only does his game have no obvious weakness, even when he doesn't play brilliantly he has a way of winning. If we want Murray to win, maybe we will have to put something in his paella to stop him from making it to the court.
Flop(ianski) of the week
There aren't any obvious candidates as far as I can tell, but for his stupid and corrosive tweets, it has to go to Joey Barton. I know, what a shock. Maybe tweeting isn't quite the same as putting out a cigarette in a team-mate's eye or giving Ousmane Dabo a black eye, but when you have lost your best player, I don't think it helps to tweet saying you, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique are leaving. I think it shows the problem with the internet, that any idiot can use it. As I have proved myself.
Hall of Lame
Speaking of stupid tweets, it seems only right to pick an example of somebody embarrassing himself on the site. There are no shortage of people we can choose from, but the best example has to be Darren Bent. Trying to move from Tottenham to Sunderland, he decided the best thing to do was tell all of his followers the following:
"Seriously getting p***** off now,"
"Why can’t anything be simple. It’s so frustrating hanging round doing jack s***."
"Sunderland are not the problem in the slightest," there then followed more stringent criticism of Levy. "Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy."
Instead of insulting Hull, who have moved on from Bent's snub and signed Dele Adebola, he might have remembered that he had signed a contract and that his club did not have to sell him, just as he didn't have to leave if the club had accepted a bid from elsewhere. Maybe Spurs did not want to let him leave until they had signed Mrs Redknapp to replace him.
The week ahead
By the end of the week, only one Brit is preparing for the fourth round. And it's not Andy Murray. Elena Baltacha goes on a winning run whilst Muzza waits to get on for his second round match because John Isner and Nicolas Mahut decide to prove last year's efforts were nothing and play a 15 hour match of 4 days, which the American wins again. Fair play to Mahut though, it's rare to see a Frenchman not surrendering when under pressure.
Phil Taylor announces his retirement from darts and we realise we are now not the best at any sports, except like cycling.
Cesc Fabregas announces he is leaving Arsenal and Luka Modric says he will not play for Spurs again, before both saying they were misquoted and that they love their clubs. Chelsea buy Lukaku, City buy Sanchez, United buy Young and Arsenal buy... some French teenager nobody has ever heard of.
Alex McLeish resigns from Aston Villa, saying he has been undermined by the board and decides to join Celtic.
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger - "I feel that we will win the league in five years time with our young squad."
Darren Bent - "I don't want to play at Villa cause there's a ginger manager. No, I won't go to Wolves. No, I don't want to go to Stoke. Mr Lerner, I want to go Spurs, you prick, now sell me before I have a full-on strop."
Fabio Capello - "The Under-21 side have proved that I'm not a rubbish manager. Now I will go to Chelsea and make Torres great again."
And again because you have been patient...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm_7LIVwriU&feature=youtu.be
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Giggs may be tearing his family apart, but the real tragedy is losing Scholes
Hello and welcome back to the blog which does to sport what Ryan Giggs does to his family. So much has happened since I took a two week break to try and focus on exams that it's hard to know where to begin. I have given my reaction the breaking news today as well as some of the stories which were massive a few days ago, but seemed to have gone slightly off the radar.
It's been an interesting few weeks for Manchester United fans - they lost the Champions League final, they have seen their star midfielder become embroiled in disgusting sex scandals and sexy ginger Paul Scholes has retired (something which I will comment on later). I am often accused of showing bias against United fans and I admit watching them win can become frustrating, so I will try and be a bit kinder. Except for Giggs, he deserves everything he gets.
As I sat here at 5:30 am, having been woken up (again) I was in need of something to do as I avoided trying to revise, although I am sitting here once more on Saturday night exhausted, having completed another year of education. Just for the record, after Friday, I have finished on 4/4 with regards to getting 'stay on your feet' in my exams, although how I managed to compare it to the Hundred Years' War, the Cold War, Alfred the Great and seventeenth century rebellions is still beyond me.
There has been so much going on the last few weeks that I have tried my best to entertain you in as wide a variety of topics as possible, with the first one being mostly centred on football and the second one which will follow soon after containing other sporting matters. As the football season has finished I should add that most of my blogs from now on will focus less on things to look out for in the week and more my weird obvservations on anything to do with sport. But for now, see if you can work out how many times I make a disparaging comment about Giggs in this entire article. Let the Giggs, see the sister-in-law (too obvious?)
Sporting articles and recap
Managerial and player merry-go round (spot the fakes)
I was a couple of hours away from posting this blog, when news of Billy Davies and Alex Mcleish filtered through, so of course I have had to make last-minute changes. It's hard to know where to begin, but I suppose I have to start with Davies. My opinion of Davies has never been massively high, although his record in the job is impressive. He saved us from relegation then mounted two play-off campaigns in the following two years.
By anyone's standard this is an impressive effort. But there was so much more to his reign than just the facts. Forest had been the biggest spenders in the Championship for their first two years since gaining promotion from League One, but this was never enough for Davies, who always demanded more and more millions spent on big-name signings, instead of looking for cheaper recruits. He bought lots of strikers, would not play Rob Earnshaw enough, then refused to buy players for other positions. He always said the squad was too small, but he was willing to let players leave and not play others (such as Mcgugan in his first season then Mcleary, Anderson and Majewski this season). Our away record was woeful as we averaged less than a goal a game. And even if we had gone up, I could only see us coming straight down. As for Schteeve Mclaren? I will give him my backing for now, but obviously would prefer O'Neill if it was somehow possible. Hughton would be my second choice.
If my opinion on Davies is mixed, then my view on Mcleish is much more clear; I have never rated him and I think getting Birmingham relegated is an indicator on his ability as a manager. Yes, he won the Carling Cup, but this was more to do with West Ham and Arsenal imploding than any great tactical nous. He waited until the second half against West Ham to bring Zigic on when everyone knows the Hammers can't defend set-pieces at all. And if he goes to Villa Park, then I hope he gets what he deserves for his loyalty.
With regards to player transfers, it has not been a good summer so far, with legend Dele (Pele) Adebola going to Hull and the likes of Rob Earnshaw and Guy Moussi looking like they will also leave. The fixtures come out on Friday, which marks the end of one season and the start of another. Of course I am looking forward to finding out when Forest are playing Derby and Leicester, but I cannot wait for my trip to St Andrews and a reunion with Marlon King (and the classic "she said no Marlon"). Here is a link showing the one game where Marlon actually did something decent for us, coming the game after the death of Brian Clough. For other clubs, it is an exciting period full of transfers, some of which I have predicted here, probably not with much success:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahEVI0VQ1oYWith
Peter Crouch - QPR
Mrs Redknapp - Tottenham
Carlos Tevez - Chelsea
Wayne Rooney - Man City
Fernando Torres - Man Utd
David Beckham - Leicester
Emile Heskey - Leicester
James Milner - Aston Villa
Gareth Barry - Aston Villa
Sergio Aguero - Real Madrid
Managers:
Sven - QPR
Alex Mcleish - Aston Villa
Billy Davies - Birmingham City
David Platt - hopefully Derby
Jose Mourinho - Barcelona
Fabio Capello - Real Madrid
Pep Guardiola - Arsenal
Arsene Wenger - England
You never know...
Giggs antics
Whenever there is any sporting scandal, the first place to go is to Facebook for all the witty groups which pop up immediately. So far we have - Ryan Giggs: Famed for putting in deep balls. Shamed for being balls deep and Giggsy, happy to take them from Big Brother or little brother. All we are waiting for now is - "That man is a family man." "Umm, Nan, that's Ryan Giggs." (Having fun keeping up with all the slurs?)
There are great parrallels between Giggs and the man most famed for getting it in the hole, Tiger Woods. Both were seen as model professionals, had incredible fitness (now we know why he is still playing football, yoga my ass) and had a medal chest as covered as, well, Giggs' actual chest. Many people will be wondering why both men did it when it was obvious they would be caught. But I have two questions: Why does every woman wait to announce their affairs at the same time? And, what will happen next season? We all saw what happened to Tiger when he was caught out and there's an obvious risk that the same will happen to Giggs. It's not like Wayne Rooney who was young and had ages to recpature his best form; Giggs will eventually start to decline, although it may not happen for a while. Maybe Sir Alex is wise to try and buy Ashley Young, just in case Giggs is no longer able to put in those deep balls which he is so famed for.
If both Giggs and Woods were so good when having more action than Arnold Schwarzenegger, it makes you wonder what is happening with the footballers who are a lot worse. I'm not talking about the ones who were never good enough for the Premier League, but the ones who clearly were but never fulfilled their potential. Maybe Mario Balotelli made a mistake dumping his incredible girlfriend (see last week's blog).
The timing of Giggs' indiscretions coming out came just before the retirement of Paul Scholes, the one man who has stood above the rest in the Premier League. Nothing I can say would do justice to Scholes' ability, but the biggest tribute I would give him is that he is the only footballer I would trust to actually be a decent person. That's not to say that others aren't, but nobody will ever be sure again. As for his tackling, well it proved he was human after all. After watching last weekend's draw against Switzerland, you just can't believe Scholes was stuck on the left to accomodate Lampard into the team. Next they will drop Bent to get Heskey in, although even he would have probably scored that sitter. Probably.
Counting down to the new season
You may think after that painful defeat to Swansea (where we would have needed £40,000 and Mohamed Bin Hammam as the referee to actually get a penalty for a change), that I would be having nightmares all summer. Instead, despite contemplating putting in a mitigation request citing play-off hangover as the reason for my poor exam results, I have been trawling the internet looking for any rumour I can get on potential signings and to find out whether our manager is actually staying or not (which he isn't).
Football is without doubt a relationship which never ends, with its ups and downs from August until May, followed by a two month holiday which for the average supporter is just as intense. Still, it is difficult to get enthused by the raft of meaningless friendlies, more so as some are played abroad. Pre-season must be like being engaged, as you prepare for the big day in August and the rest of the year with a mixture of uncertainty and excitement. Inevitably, most fans will have Liverpool syndrome, that 'this is the year', but more often than not, the season ends up like a Katie Price marriage - big hype, lots of drama, all over the media, but finished by May, only for a new one to start a few months later.
With ambitious Chairmen, who are not used to losing, more determined than ever to see their clubs rise to the top, the normally calm summer months are becoming even more exciting than the the actual season as the thought of seeing your club's new signings in action gets ever closer. But if you don't fancy waiting until August for competitive football, then the U-21 European Championships has already begun in Denmark. I suppose a two-week break without live football was too long after all. Let's just hope England don't win the thing, otherwise the hype before Euro 2012 will be as unbearable as, well, a Katie Price wedding.
Why do we go gaga for celebrities?
When it comes to the celebrity culture, I am normally the first person to dismiss it as a waste of time. Sure, I like to know what famous footballers such as Wayne Rooney get up to even though it has no relevance to me, but I don't think that makes me shallow. However, being the hypocrite that I am, I am really just as bad as the next person. As somebody who can spend a whole day watching sport, I took the opportunity to go down to the Aegon Classic at the Priory Club last week as some of the world's best and most promising up-and-coming players were in action. Yes, I wanted to see some of the British players play and it was encouraging to see the performances of Heather Watson, but let's face it, we were all there for Ana Ivanovic.
Ivanovic is a Serbian stunner who won the French Open in 2008, but since then has dropped in the rankings to 19th in the world. Still, that didn't stop us rushing over to the practice courts to see her train the second we saw her. And we weren't the only ones, as a chorus of men lined up alongside us to get a rare glimpse of Ivanovic in person. After watching her practice for a while, we managed to snag a couple of pictures which, of course, found their way on Facebook the moment we made our way back. Obviously she is still clearly a good player, but would we get so excited over watching the 19th best player in the men's game? And would we automatically like him on Facebook (as we all did for Ivanovic), follow him on Twitter and go back to see him again a couple of days later? Sepp Blatter may have been wrong to say women footballers should wear tighter shorts, but his only mistake was that he said it as President of Fifa and not as the marketing executive. Because let's face it, whether we snear at celebrity-obsessed people or not, we are most probably just as bad as them, as my latest Facebook album proves.
Fifa turns into Britain's Got Talent, except without the sob stories
We've had the corruption stories, we've seen Jack Warner threaten to set the fires of hell on Sepp Blatter before endorsing his bid to become President, we've seen photos of bribes being offered to Caribbean nations and we've seen the whole world blame England for everything. But, could we have ever imagined that Henry Kissinger would be brought into try and save the game from evils within its head organisation. For those who were unfortunate enough not to study the Vietnam War in history, Kissinger was President Nixon's foreign advisor during the conflict which saw thousands of innocent Vietnamese citizens being bombed for no reason, whilst at the same time, totalitarian governments in Russia and China were treated as equals. I suppose it will help him in his new role at Fifa, where we have the ultimate sporting dictator and his bunch of cronies.
If Kissinger has been recruited for his diplomacy skills, then why do we have an opera singer as well? If they ever re-start Big Brother then I would like to see Blatter, Kissinger, Domingo, Warner and Bin Hammam all stuck in the house and made to look even more ridiculous than George Galloway. Now, that would be enjoyable.
And while we're talking about football
I suppose it is only right to continue my catch-up on all football related matters before moving on to other sports by looking at the national team's performance against Switzerland. Yes, we drew, but as a country of pessimists we should remember that this is a team who beat Spain and managed to keep a clean sheet against them. It does annoy me when a team can score two speculative goals and suddenly be praised for their great attacking threat, when we created so many more chances than them and many more than Spain managed. Yes, Darren Bent missed a sitter which Mrs Redknapp could have buried, but it is hard to criticise someone who in the last few years has a goalscoring record matching that of Torres, Rooney and Drogba, whilst playing for inferior teams.
The rest of the match just emphasised the point that Frank Lampard should retire from internationals (alongside Gareth Barry) and that Capello was crazy not to start Young. Seriously, can anyone name one game for club or country where Milner has put in a match-winning performance? The big debate for the last couple of weeks has centred on whether Jack Wilshere should have gone to the U-21 Championships or not. But, looking at the squad we have assembled for that tournament, shouldn't be wondering whether our U-21 team is actually better than our first team? Let me give you some names from those who are likely to play in Denmark and those who have started recent England internationals:
Defenders - Kieran Gibbs, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling v. Cashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand
Midfielders - Marc Albrighton, Jack Rodwell, Jordan Henderson v. James Milner, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry
Strikers - Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck v. Darren Bent, Wayne Rooney
You know what, I would not bet against the youngsters pulling off a win, although not against their Spanish counterparts. David De Gea, Javi Martinez, Juan Mata, Jeffren, Bojan. Good luck against that.
Quotes of the week
Headline - "Paul Scholes caught in extra-marital affair"
Harry Redknapp, after his wife missus an open goal - "Darren Bent could have scored that."
Steve McClaren - "I sought of knew, Shampeeonship football, ish for mee..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZnoP4sUV90 - brilliant dutch accent
Billy Davies - "I expect us to sign Messi and Ronaldo otherwise you cannot expect me to get promotion."
Arsene Wenger - "I feel, we don't need to sign anyone, our squad is mentally strong and we have a fantastic team spirit."
Jonathan Agnew - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00hf8wq
And as a reward for your patience, here is a link you will probably find extremely hilarious. They say football is a universal language and that actions speak louder than words and nothing proves both of those right more than this. See you soon for the next blog, where I will complete my sporting catch-up/review of the week to come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V3DeqELS8A&feature=youtu.be
Giggs slurs: Going for 8, but I lost count really quickly
It's been an interesting few weeks for Manchester United fans - they lost the Champions League final, they have seen their star midfielder become embroiled in disgusting sex scandals and sexy ginger Paul Scholes has retired (something which I will comment on later). I am often accused of showing bias against United fans and I admit watching them win can become frustrating, so I will try and be a bit kinder. Except for Giggs, he deserves everything he gets.
As I sat here at 5:30 am, having been woken up (again) I was in need of something to do as I avoided trying to revise, although I am sitting here once more on Saturday night exhausted, having completed another year of education. Just for the record, after Friday, I have finished on 4/4 with regards to getting 'stay on your feet' in my exams, although how I managed to compare it to the Hundred Years' War, the Cold War, Alfred the Great and seventeenth century rebellions is still beyond me.
There has been so much going on the last few weeks that I have tried my best to entertain you in as wide a variety of topics as possible, with the first one being mostly centred on football and the second one which will follow soon after containing other sporting matters. As the football season has finished I should add that most of my blogs from now on will focus less on things to look out for in the week and more my weird obvservations on anything to do with sport. But for now, see if you can work out how many times I make a disparaging comment about Giggs in this entire article. Let the Giggs, see the sister-in-law (too obvious?)
Sporting articles and recap
Managerial and player merry-go round (spot the fakes)
I was a couple of hours away from posting this blog, when news of Billy Davies and Alex Mcleish filtered through, so of course I have had to make last-minute changes. It's hard to know where to begin, but I suppose I have to start with Davies. My opinion of Davies has never been massively high, although his record in the job is impressive. He saved us from relegation then mounted two play-off campaigns in the following two years.
By anyone's standard this is an impressive effort. But there was so much more to his reign than just the facts. Forest had been the biggest spenders in the Championship for their first two years since gaining promotion from League One, but this was never enough for Davies, who always demanded more and more millions spent on big-name signings, instead of looking for cheaper recruits. He bought lots of strikers, would not play Rob Earnshaw enough, then refused to buy players for other positions. He always said the squad was too small, but he was willing to let players leave and not play others (such as Mcgugan in his first season then Mcleary, Anderson and Majewski this season). Our away record was woeful as we averaged less than a goal a game. And even if we had gone up, I could only see us coming straight down. As for Schteeve Mclaren? I will give him my backing for now, but obviously would prefer O'Neill if it was somehow possible. Hughton would be my second choice.
If my opinion on Davies is mixed, then my view on Mcleish is much more clear; I have never rated him and I think getting Birmingham relegated is an indicator on his ability as a manager. Yes, he won the Carling Cup, but this was more to do with West Ham and Arsenal imploding than any great tactical nous. He waited until the second half against West Ham to bring Zigic on when everyone knows the Hammers can't defend set-pieces at all. And if he goes to Villa Park, then I hope he gets what he deserves for his loyalty.
With regards to player transfers, it has not been a good summer so far, with legend Dele (Pele) Adebola going to Hull and the likes of Rob Earnshaw and Guy Moussi looking like they will also leave. The fixtures come out on Friday, which marks the end of one season and the start of another. Of course I am looking forward to finding out when Forest are playing Derby and Leicester, but I cannot wait for my trip to St Andrews and a reunion with Marlon King (and the classic "she said no Marlon"). Here is a link showing the one game where Marlon actually did something decent for us, coming the game after the death of Brian Clough. For other clubs, it is an exciting period full of transfers, some of which I have predicted here, probably not with much success:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahEVI0VQ1oYWith
Peter Crouch - QPR
Mrs Redknapp - Tottenham
Carlos Tevez - Chelsea
Wayne Rooney - Man City
Fernando Torres - Man Utd
David Beckham - Leicester
Emile Heskey - Leicester
James Milner - Aston Villa
Gareth Barry - Aston Villa
Sergio Aguero - Real Madrid
Managers:
Sven - QPR
Alex Mcleish - Aston Villa
Billy Davies - Birmingham City
David Platt - hopefully Derby
Jose Mourinho - Barcelona
Fabio Capello - Real Madrid
Pep Guardiola - Arsenal
Arsene Wenger - England
You never know...
Giggs antics
Whenever there is any sporting scandal, the first place to go is to Facebook for all the witty groups which pop up immediately. So far we have - Ryan Giggs: Famed for putting in deep balls. Shamed for being balls deep and Giggsy, happy to take them from Big Brother or little brother. All we are waiting for now is - "That man is a family man." "Umm, Nan, that's Ryan Giggs." (Having fun keeping up with all the slurs?)
There are great parrallels between Giggs and the man most famed for getting it in the hole, Tiger Woods. Both were seen as model professionals, had incredible fitness (now we know why he is still playing football, yoga my ass) and had a medal chest as covered as, well, Giggs' actual chest. Many people will be wondering why both men did it when it was obvious they would be caught. But I have two questions: Why does every woman wait to announce their affairs at the same time? And, what will happen next season? We all saw what happened to Tiger when he was caught out and there's an obvious risk that the same will happen to Giggs. It's not like Wayne Rooney who was young and had ages to recpature his best form; Giggs will eventually start to decline, although it may not happen for a while. Maybe Sir Alex is wise to try and buy Ashley Young, just in case Giggs is no longer able to put in those deep balls which he is so famed for.
If both Giggs and Woods were so good when having more action than Arnold Schwarzenegger, it makes you wonder what is happening with the footballers who are a lot worse. I'm not talking about the ones who were never good enough for the Premier League, but the ones who clearly were but never fulfilled their potential. Maybe Mario Balotelli made a mistake dumping his incredible girlfriend (see last week's blog).
The timing of Giggs' indiscretions coming out came just before the retirement of Paul Scholes, the one man who has stood above the rest in the Premier League. Nothing I can say would do justice to Scholes' ability, but the biggest tribute I would give him is that he is the only footballer I would trust to actually be a decent person. That's not to say that others aren't, but nobody will ever be sure again. As for his tackling, well it proved he was human after all. After watching last weekend's draw against Switzerland, you just can't believe Scholes was stuck on the left to accomodate Lampard into the team. Next they will drop Bent to get Heskey in, although even he would have probably scored that sitter. Probably.
Counting down to the new season
You may think after that painful defeat to Swansea (where we would have needed £40,000 and Mohamed Bin Hammam as the referee to actually get a penalty for a change), that I would be having nightmares all summer. Instead, despite contemplating putting in a mitigation request citing play-off hangover as the reason for my poor exam results, I have been trawling the internet looking for any rumour I can get on potential signings and to find out whether our manager is actually staying or not (which he isn't).
Football is without doubt a relationship which never ends, with its ups and downs from August until May, followed by a two month holiday which for the average supporter is just as intense. Still, it is difficult to get enthused by the raft of meaningless friendlies, more so as some are played abroad. Pre-season must be like being engaged, as you prepare for the big day in August and the rest of the year with a mixture of uncertainty and excitement. Inevitably, most fans will have Liverpool syndrome, that 'this is the year', but more often than not, the season ends up like a Katie Price marriage - big hype, lots of drama, all over the media, but finished by May, only for a new one to start a few months later.
With ambitious Chairmen, who are not used to losing, more determined than ever to see their clubs rise to the top, the normally calm summer months are becoming even more exciting than the the actual season as the thought of seeing your club's new signings in action gets ever closer. But if you don't fancy waiting until August for competitive football, then the U-21 European Championships has already begun in Denmark. I suppose a two-week break without live football was too long after all. Let's just hope England don't win the thing, otherwise the hype before Euro 2012 will be as unbearable as, well, a Katie Price wedding.
Why do we go gaga for celebrities?
When it comes to the celebrity culture, I am normally the first person to dismiss it as a waste of time. Sure, I like to know what famous footballers such as Wayne Rooney get up to even though it has no relevance to me, but I don't think that makes me shallow. However, being the hypocrite that I am, I am really just as bad as the next person. As somebody who can spend a whole day watching sport, I took the opportunity to go down to the Aegon Classic at the Priory Club last week as some of the world's best and most promising up-and-coming players were in action. Yes, I wanted to see some of the British players play and it was encouraging to see the performances of Heather Watson, but let's face it, we were all there for Ana Ivanovic.
Ivanovic is a Serbian stunner who won the French Open in 2008, but since then has dropped in the rankings to 19th in the world. Still, that didn't stop us rushing over to the practice courts to see her train the second we saw her. And we weren't the only ones, as a chorus of men lined up alongside us to get a rare glimpse of Ivanovic in person. After watching her practice for a while, we managed to snag a couple of pictures which, of course, found their way on Facebook the moment we made our way back. Obviously she is still clearly a good player, but would we get so excited over watching the 19th best player in the men's game? And would we automatically like him on Facebook (as we all did for Ivanovic), follow him on Twitter and go back to see him again a couple of days later? Sepp Blatter may have been wrong to say women footballers should wear tighter shorts, but his only mistake was that he said it as President of Fifa and not as the marketing executive. Because let's face it, whether we snear at celebrity-obsessed people or not, we are most probably just as bad as them, as my latest Facebook album proves.
Fifa turns into Britain's Got Talent, except without the sob stories
We've had the corruption stories, we've seen Jack Warner threaten to set the fires of hell on Sepp Blatter before endorsing his bid to become President, we've seen photos of bribes being offered to Caribbean nations and we've seen the whole world blame England for everything. But, could we have ever imagined that Henry Kissinger would be brought into try and save the game from evils within its head organisation. For those who were unfortunate enough not to study the Vietnam War in history, Kissinger was President Nixon's foreign advisor during the conflict which saw thousands of innocent Vietnamese citizens being bombed for no reason, whilst at the same time, totalitarian governments in Russia and China were treated as equals. I suppose it will help him in his new role at Fifa, where we have the ultimate sporting dictator and his bunch of cronies.
If Kissinger has been recruited for his diplomacy skills, then why do we have an opera singer as well? If they ever re-start Big Brother then I would like to see Blatter, Kissinger, Domingo, Warner and Bin Hammam all stuck in the house and made to look even more ridiculous than George Galloway. Now, that would be enjoyable.
And while we're talking about football
I suppose it is only right to continue my catch-up on all football related matters before moving on to other sports by looking at the national team's performance against Switzerland. Yes, we drew, but as a country of pessimists we should remember that this is a team who beat Spain and managed to keep a clean sheet against them. It does annoy me when a team can score two speculative goals and suddenly be praised for their great attacking threat, when we created so many more chances than them and many more than Spain managed. Yes, Darren Bent missed a sitter which Mrs Redknapp could have buried, but it is hard to criticise someone who in the last few years has a goalscoring record matching that of Torres, Rooney and Drogba, whilst playing for inferior teams.
The rest of the match just emphasised the point that Frank Lampard should retire from internationals (alongside Gareth Barry) and that Capello was crazy not to start Young. Seriously, can anyone name one game for club or country where Milner has put in a match-winning performance? The big debate for the last couple of weeks has centred on whether Jack Wilshere should have gone to the U-21 Championships or not. But, looking at the squad we have assembled for that tournament, shouldn't be wondering whether our U-21 team is actually better than our first team? Let me give you some names from those who are likely to play in Denmark and those who have started recent England internationals:
Defenders - Kieran Gibbs, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling v. Cashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand
Midfielders - Marc Albrighton, Jack Rodwell, Jordan Henderson v. James Milner, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry
Strikers - Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck v. Darren Bent, Wayne Rooney
You know what, I would not bet against the youngsters pulling off a win, although not against their Spanish counterparts. David De Gea, Javi Martinez, Juan Mata, Jeffren, Bojan. Good luck against that.
Quotes of the week
Headline - "Paul Scholes caught in extra-marital affair"
Harry Redknapp, after his wife missus an open goal - "Darren Bent could have scored that."
Steve McClaren - "I sought of knew, Shampeeonship football, ish for mee..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZnoP4sUV90 - brilliant dutch accent
Billy Davies - "I expect us to sign Messi and Ronaldo otherwise you cannot expect me to get promotion."
Arsene Wenger - "I feel, we don't need to sign anyone, our squad is mentally strong and we have a fantastic team spirit."
Jonathan Agnew - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00hf8wq
And as a reward for your patience, here is a link you will probably find extremely hilarious. They say football is a universal language and that actions speak louder than words and nothing proves both of those right more than this. See you soon for the next blog, where I will complete my sporting catch-up/review of the week to come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V3DeqELS8A&feature=youtu.be
Giggs slurs: Going for 8, but I lost count really quickly
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