After receiving the prized possession of a mention in page 27 of last week's RedBrick (the University of Birmingham student newspaper), Sporting Underachiever is back for another look at all the failures in sport. After a couple of crazy weeks, everything went back to normal with England getting smashed at the World Cup and the footballers beating Wales. There is "insightful" analysis on this and also in this week's blog, find out how I fared at my uni accomodation's pool tournament and take a look at who the Flop(ianski) of the week is. I bet you can't wait...
The week in sport
After being called negative for thinking England scraping their way into the quarter-finals of the World Cup could be a bad thing, I was disappointed to be proved right. The Three Lions gave a typically underwhelming display with the bat, led by the normally impressive Andrew Strauss who played the sort of innings expected by me - lots of defensive shots before being bowled trying to play a dirty slog. England being England, they played the part-time spinners in ultra-defensive mode, like they were Murali, then played Murali like he was, well, Xavier Doherty.
The highlight of the match has to be Eoin Morgan's innings of 50 off 55 balls, which included three bad drops and being given not out LBW (a decision which was not reviewed) when it was actually out. The talk at the interval was that 230 was a competitive score, but then the Sri Lankan openers proved that the pitch was not a minefield, as England had made it appear, and cantered to victory inside 40 overs.
If England disappointing at a World Cup was to be expected, then South Africa's collapse against New Zealand was a dead cert. The Proteas have now lost five knockout matches in a row at World Cups, most famously in 1999 against Australia. The word 'choke' is branded around too easily these days, but watching AB de Villiers being run-out by his partner when in the form of his live was unsurprising, although if anyone was going to be run-out, then the heavy odds would have been on Jacques Kallis.
Elsewhere, this week saw wins for England and the Republic of Ireland in Euro 2012 qualifiers. Having seen England lose to Ireland twice recently, it was good to see things were back to normal as Wales reverted to type and spent 90 minutes offering no threat, except from Craig Bellamy who looked like he wanted to start a fight against Rooney. Personally, I would have loved to have seen that and I bet the whole crowd would have as well. My money would have been on Bellamy as he has had experience at this sort of thing (think back to his fight with team mate Kieron Dyer) whilst Rooney just acts like some petulant child. Hopefully Robbie Savage will be back for the rematch, just in case we need something to keep us entertained in case the football is boring.
In tennis, Novak Djokovic continued his incredible start to the season with his 18th consecutive victory to win the Indian Wells title at the expense of Rafa Nadal. As the new world number 2 ahead of the slowly fading force that is Roger Federer, Djokovic is doing what everyone hoped Andy Murray could do by replacing the Swiss as Nadal's main challenger for Grand Slams. Murray responded by losing to qualifiers in successive tournaments, but seeing as Nadal practically owns the French Open maybe this a cunning plan to peak just before Wimbledon, although Nadal is dominant there now. Maybe he's waiting for the US Open, or maybe he's just waiting for the Spaniard's knees to give way again.
My week in sport
BIG NEWS! I ACTUALLY WON SOMETHING! Admittedly it was a pool tournament of about 10 people where two of the best players had to pull out because they were working, but still, I take huge pride from this victory and as Roberto Mancini would be the first to admit, winning the first trophy is the most important, no matter what it is (although in his case it's partly to remove that banner at Old Trafford which tells him how long it was until City won something).
This victory was made all the sweeter as it was the first time I'd won something since a national chess tournament at the age of ten, where my style of total chess revolutionised the sport like Johann Cruyff''s Dutch team of the 70's did for football. So, watch out for Lamy domination on the pool circuit from now on and I look forward to spending my £20 Marks and Spencer Gift Card which came with from being first. Maybe this blog should be changed from Sporting Underachiever to Sporting Excellence. Or not.
Elsewhere this week, everything was back to normal with a series of long, painful runs through Birmingham in the heat, where I was struggling so badly that I was overtaken by most walkers who just stared in amusement at my efforts. With an awful case of stitch, it is often difficult to find the motivation to keep going, but when Miley Cyrus 'Can't Be Tamed' (wanna bet?) starts playing on my little ipod shuffle, I always find the extra energy from somewhere. The video isn't bad either, although it's not quite the same as Skepta's 'all over the house,' which contrary to popular belief I do not play all day on my laptop.
With the Fifa World Cup game having entered my flat for the rest of term, I decided to try my luck as New Zealand, to the derision of my block mates, Sam Oates and Jack Toop who were Spain. However, after a disappointing opening loss to Slovakia, I turned on the style to defeat Italy, Paraguay then Holland to reach the quarter-finals, where I faced Spain. With Jack having left, it was between me and Sam in the crunch game. After conceding early, a Rory Fallon-inspired comeback saw me lead 3-1 at half time, before going on to win 3-2 to book a place in the semis, where I lost in extra time to England. I know what you're thinking, how did England make it to the semis?
I tried some outdoors five-a-side football this week for the first time in a while. Having seen my team in the futsal tournament make the semis when I wasn't there (coincidence of course), I was determined to turn on the style, although I was completely outshined by the outrageous Sam Travell. After only a minute out of goal, he got on the end of a pass in the opposition's half, flicked it up and volleyed it in. Quality strike! After two hours of football, 'Trav' went to the gym then made his way to play hockey. I know this is a blog about sporting underachievement, but this daily effort of non-stop sport deserves special mention.
Flop(ianski) of the week
There were a lot of contenders this week for the dreaded flop(ianksi) of the week. The following teams just missed out for the following reasons:
The West Indies cricket team for being bowled out for 112, but this was against a Pakistan team who can do that to sides with their bowling attack when they get it right.
The England cricket team who also lost by 10 wickets, but were tired and were missing a lot of injured players.
The Wales football team, but let's face it, we were hardly surprised.
Andy Murray for losing again to a qualifier, although as this was on clay and it's not a Grand Slam, it's not that big a deal.
No, the winner this week is the South African cricket team for reasons explained above. How a team as good as them, who were 108-2 chasing a total of 222 to win against an average New Zealand side, can mess it up again is beyond me. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for South Africans to see their team continue to choke under pressure, and coming from a Forest fan this is saying something.
Hall of Lame
Yes, this is the section dedicated to sporting failures from the past, starting with my own. Number 2 in my list takes me back to Year 7, where I managed to lose to my mates Fraser and Priyan at chess within a short space of time. Now this might not seem like such a big deal, but when you have won tournaments, been part of two teams who have won the National Schools' Championships and one who were runners-up as well as represented your country, then it is incredibly embarrassing to lose against two players who had barely ever played. In Priyan's case, I don't think he could tell a knight from a rook. Funnily enough, he's never asked for a rematch. Some would say he's scared, but not me.
The week ahead
West Brom beat Liverpool and Roy Hodgson goes up to the Liverpool directors and sticks two fingers up at them for getting rid of him. They respond by bringing out the Premier League table and pointing and laughing.
With 22 needed off the last ball, India beat Pakistan after a series of no-balls and wides. In the final they play Sri Lanka, who announce Murali will play on crutches during the match. Despite losing constant wickets, India win off the last ball, with one wicket left, with Tendulkar bringing up his 100th international century off the winning runs. For being as good as he is over such a long period of time and under such pressure, it's fair to say he deserves it.
Andy Murray hires John Terry as a motivational coach in a bid to turn around his slump in form, but has to get rid of him quickly after is seen snooping near his house when Murray is away on tour. As this is a failure, Muzza plays an exhibition match against Alex Bogdanovich in order to get some confidence back, but he somehow loses to Boggo, who is now the new big hope of British tennis and is given another wildcard for Wimbledon.
It is announced that Joel Lamy has become a pool pro, but after winning every match, he decides to retire to give some other people a chance of winning.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp - 'Jose Mourinho is a great guy and a terrific manager.'
Jose Mourinho - 'Jose Mourinho is a great guy and a terrific manager.'
Gary Speed - 'Giggsy, please come back.'
Arsene Wenger - 'Jose Mourinho's a prick.'
Mario Balotelli - 'Who's Jose Mourinho?'
Gary Speed - 'Robbie, stop talking bollocks on the Match of the Day 2 and come and play for me. We are desperate.'
Sir Alex Ferguson - nothing
Rio Ferdinand - 'We are all behind John Terry, which is quite ironic considering why he lost the captaincy in the first place.'
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