Ah yes, welcome back to the blog which aims to end your weekend in style, and cheer you up before the week ahead. This week, we will look at new developments in the football world, give some final thoughts on the Cricket World Cup and preview the Masters. And find out what is my most embarrassing sporting moment of all time and why one person loves to remind me about it even to this day.
The past week
After the midweek international fixtures, football fans were glad to see the Premier League and Championship return. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed England beating Wales and the B team playing out a thrilling 1-1 draw with a team that did better than us at the World Cup, but there is genuine excitement with just two months left of the domestic football season. For all the great moments during the first eight months of the season (my personal favourites being Forest doing the double over Derby), it all comes down to these next six or so weeks.
However, this week, the Premier League was fairly predictable: West Ham put in a shambolic defensive performance, Man United pulled off a great comeback (aided by the ref), Rooney scored, Torres didn't score and Arsenal choked again. The biggest surprise came in Spain, where Jose Mourinho lost only the second home league game of his managerial career, more than nine years after losing his first. Maybe this was part of some master plan to prevent Barcelona from ending this incredible run, but it's slightly disturbing that going into their Champions League quarter-final, Madrid were unable to beat Sporting Gijon and Spurs were unable to beat Wigan. We can only hope Ronaldo and Bale both return for the match.
The other big news in football was that the Premier League have announced that they intend to clamp down on abuse of officials next season. No, this was not an April Fool's joke, they sounded serious. Maybe, I'm just being negative (which I'm often accused of being), but I find it likelier that Ian Holloway will be the next England manager than for a revamped Respect campaign to actually work. I long for the day when Sir Alex Ferguson is forced to go in front of the BBC cameras for a post-match interview. I would not like to be the guy interviewing him, especially if they have lost and Nemanja Vidic gets sent off.
In other news, the Masters is on this week to complete my sporting week alongside the Champions League. World number two Lee Westwood must hope that the golf goes better than supporting Forest after tweeting 'I've decided that football is crap.' The beauty of golf is that anyone has a chance of winning, apart from Tiger Woods it would appear. The 14-time major winner has been written off by most experts (despite being second favourite with the bookies) and is now subject to jokes about his sex life. Apart from transforming the sport, Woods has given new meaning to the phrase 'get in the hole!' It says a lot about the intelligence of golfers that somebody willing to cheat on Elin Nordegren can be the second highest major winner of all time. This makes Woods about as clever as Ashley Cole.
The Cricket World Cup finally came to an end this week, but don't worry, the IPL will be starting again in a few days. The tournament went as many expected. India won, South Africa choked, Pakistan's fielding was awful and England flattered to deceive. If the English team hadn't been so tired and had beaten Ireland and Bangladesh, then we would have had six weeks of predictable results. In other news, Ricky Ponting resigned as Australia captain before re-iterating his desire to try and regain the Ashes in England. Ponting reminds me of a rubbish, yet heroic boxer, who keeps on taking repeated blows to the face, but refuses to throw in the towel. I for one hope Ponting is still in the Australian squad in 2013, just because I never tire of seeing him lose the plot when things aren't going his way. Hopefully he can bring Mitchell Johnson, Phillip Hughes and Xavier Doherty with him.
My sporting week
After a dramatic last week, things have quietened down for me. My sporting week was confined once again to a dramatic match on Fifa with Sam Oates. Our end of term Forest v. Wolves match was another classic. After dominating the match but finding myself 2-0 down, I scored an outrageous goal with big Wes Morgan to pull it back. After dis-possessing Ebanks-Blake in his own half, the big man ran past two Wolves players before banging one in from 25 yards. Two more goals form the goal-machine that is Dele Adebola were not enough as I went down 4-3. Fortunately, I have now the next month to practice on Fifa instead of doing my essay or revising for exams. I expect to be top of the Prem before returning to uni.
Flop(ianski) of the week
I understand there has been a Forest theme running this week, but anybody who saw the match against Leeds would understand why I am giving the award to all the officials (not just the referee). Missing two penalties and giving an extremely harsh red card ruined what was a really good match. This award could have very easily gone to Leeds manager Simon Grayson, who made a mockery of the Respect campaign by trying to get Chris Cohen sent off. However, as we have come to expect dirty tactics from Leeds (and Neil Warnock), it did not come as much of a surprise.
Hall of Lame
Number 1: The infamous 6 through the window. It was a normal summer's day at school, with the usual cricket on the yard. The wicket was a good distance away from the school building, but I suffered the humiliation of watching filthy slogger Priyan Rayatt (who featured last week), slap my bowling so hard that not only did it reach the building, but sailed through one of the windows into a classroom and almost take out one of the teachers. All this with the shoddiest plank of wood ever used as a cricket bat. It remains my most embarrassing sporting moment, although attempting to catch a ball during a game of softball and falling over a bench was a strong contender. These are not pleasant experiences.
Next week, this section will reflect on much more famous examples of sporting failures, starting with my absolute favourite sporting video of all time, but you will have to wait until then to find out what it is.
The week ahead
With referees back in the spotlight, expect much more controversy in the following week:
After Spurs win at the Bernabeu thanks to Van Der Vaart, Jose Mourinho is caught trying to break into the referee's dressing room. After being unsuccessful, he claims the ref was bribed, the match was fixed and that Adebayor was Balotelli in disguise.
The next day, David Luiz scores a last minute winner against United, despite the Reds escaping punishment for what appear to be a number of fouls in the penalty area. Fergie, though, fumes that the ref had a shocker, was unfit, was biased and worked for the BBC. Rio Ferdinand then tweeted a picture of the ref with a Chelsea shirt on.
Tiger Woods plays scintillating golf to lead the Masters going into the last nine holes, but his competitors decide to sign up a number of models and place them all over the course. Aware of this ploy, Woods battles on, but loses form dramatically as he is unable to control his nine iron (and I'm not talking about the golf club). Tom Watson capitalises on this to win on the 72nd hole.
Mario Balotelli does not travel to Anfield because it turns out he is allergic to Scousers. Instead, he travels to the Masters where he is seen chipping golf balls at spectators.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp - 'Jose is a top, top guy, a wonderful man. He's just special, his record speaks for itself, it's brilliant, he's just an outstanding coach.'
Jose Mourinho - 'The referee's a cockney.'
Sir Alex Ferguson - 'How are we meant to win anything if the referee isn't favouring us all match?'
Harry Redknapp - 'Ronaldo is a top, top striker. He's got it all, he can score with his right foot, left foot, he can head it, and he's very handsome. He's just a t'riffic footballer and a top bloke.'
Arsene Wenger - 'I feel, the spirt of the team is special, we have a unique bond that will see us win the Europa League next season, as long as we don't face Birmingham in the final.'
Wayne Rooney - 'Fucking come on'
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