Dramatic Champions League draw leaves everyone excited

The blog, like Arsene Wenger's optimism, which just won't go away

The past week

Champions League - big shock of the week, Chelsea didn't get the worst team left in the draw. However, they got off likely compared to Spurs who have the easy task of knocking out Real Madrid then (almost certainly) Barcelona, just to reach the final. I would lurve it if Spurs made it to the semis and started playing long ball to Peter Crouch at the Nou Camp. All Harry needs to do is ask Stoke for Rory Delap and they would be sorted. Can't believe nobody has though of trying that against Barca yet.
Just when you thought England's winter couldn't get any more dramatic, they go and pull out another last-ditch victory to keep their world cup place alive. At the time, the mood was extremely celebratory and I don't mind saying my St Patrick's Day celebrations started earlier as a result. However, once the euphoria had calmed down I began to think about possible quarter-final opponents and suddenly I was extremely pessimistic. Having stared at defeat, to now have raised hopes is the worst thing that could happen. How much worse will it be when England get smashed in the next round by Sri Lanka?
England, though, are well on top of the game and have decided to bulk up their number of South African-born players by calling up Surrey's Jade Dernbach. Perhaps this is the secret weapon to unsettle South Africa if both teams make it to the semis.

My sporting week

It's been a quieter week on the sporting week for myself. The attempt to get back into respectable shape was helped by a couple of hour long runs through the streets of Birmingham, followed by meals of Pizza and Burgers (oh well).

In the virtual football world (i.e. Fifa and Football Manager), I've started to turn things around. My first season with Hapoel Rishon LeZion, who play in the Israeli National League (the equivalent of the Championship) had taken a turn for the worse as I was near the bottom of the 16 team league. However, some inspired team changes have moved the team from 13th to 7th in only a few weeks and rumours that I was 1 game away from the sack have been proved wrong. If only I was managing Nottingham Forest, I'd have them in an automatic place in no time.


Flop(ianski) of the week

Mario Balotelli narrowly beat the England rugby team as the winner of the inaugural Flop(ianski) of the week for his red card against Dynamo Kiev and his inability to put on a bib. Now I know your average footballer is hardly Stephen Fry, but the incompetence shown by Balotelli makes me wonder who dresses him in the morning, and how much must they get paid?

Hall of Lame

For those who might be unsure, the Hall of Lame is the place where we celebrate the underachievers of sport. There will be a time to showcase the worst misses, own goals and general sporting mishaps in the coming weeks, but for the next fortnight, it is time to take some examples from my own life. Here we start the top 3 countdown.

3. F game cricket: Yes, that's right it does exist. I was in F game cricket, along with those who couldn't care less. For somebody who can actually enjoy watching Paul Collingwood bat 10 hours to save a match, this was a sporting humiliation too far. Fortunately, after several weeks of batting against pee-rollers and bowling against players with windballs, I was eventually moved up, but it took a long time.

The week ahead

The sporting week is taking a bit of a back seat in the next week, with the Six Nations finishing and the Champions League taking a quick breather. However, there is still plenty to look forward to...
Mario Balotelli does not turn up to the Italy camp and refuses to give an explanation why. It turns out he was unable to work his sat nav and had just sat in his car having a hissy fit until one of his neighbours walked by and reminded him he needed to turn it on first. When he got to the training ground, Balotelli told his manager that he had to leave because he was allergic to the paint in the dressing room.

England go in at half-time against Wales 1-0 up but John Terry does not come out for the second half. This is after half the team have found out that Terry has shagged their wives and girlfriends in the past week. Fabio Capello decides to once again strip Terry of the captaincy, gives it to Rio Ferdinand, then changes his mind after a week and hands it back to Terry. He tells the media it is because Terry is a changed man. In the match itself, Gareth Bale scores a stoppage time hat-trick to win the game for Wales who were 2-0 down.

The England Cricket team announce they have changed their sponsors to Bet 365 as all the bookies have made a ton of money from their matches. However, they have to cancel the deal after losing a large chunk of money to a mysterious businessman who bet £50,000 on Australia scoring 90 from the last 5 overs against Pakistan with 1 wicket left.

Quotes of the week

Arsene Wenger - 'We have listened to the criticism that we need a new keeper, which is why we decided to bring Jens back. We will now attempt to bring back Sol Campbell and Tony Adams.'

Sir Alex Ferguson - nothing

Carlo Ancelotti - 'I would like to thank the scouting team for finding me such a great striker. Unfortunately, they also wasted £50 million on Torres.'

Andrew Strauss, after his side's 312 run loss to Sri Lanka - 'We were fed of these close games.'