Monday
Steven Gerrard signs a new two year contract at Liverpool. With his partnership alongside Stewart Downing (aka Left Wing Jesus) thriving it can only be a matter of time until Liverpool are back in the top four.
According to Sky Sources (yes, them) Luis Suarez is now open to staying in the Premier League. Wow, thanks for that.
Tuesday
It's hard to know what is funnier: details emerging from former Australian coach Mickey Arthur's legal documents which state that captain Michael Clarke called Shane Watson a 'cancer' in the team OR that Shane Warne believes Australia took the momentum from losing the First Test. Absolutely no clutching at straws there then.
Sky sources say Wayne Rooney is 'angry and confused.' I think we need the season to start already.
Wednesday
Chelsea make a bid for Wayne Rooney. It is rejected. That is all. I wish for once a big transfer could be sorted out quickly.
Thursday
The first day of an Ashes Test at Lord's and the first day of the Open Championship. How good can it get? The Queen was at Lord's and appeared to be sharing a joke with Michael Clarke and Shane Watson. I wonder if she was asking if they were good mates.
An historic moment as well to savour: Jonathan Trott becoming leading run scorer in Test cricket without hitting a six. Maybe if he'd swung the bat properly at the ball he got out to then he could have broken that duck.
It was another ridiculous day of Test cricket with the Queen seeing the early collapse and missing the recovery. Ian Bell played another stunning knock until he got a ripper from a blonde leg-spinner, except this time it wasn't Shane Warne tormenting him but Steve Smith. Just ridiculous. And when three wickets fell Jimmy Anderson came out to protect Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann. I'm not sure they quite deserve a night watchman.
In the golf, Rory McIlroy shot a 79, the same as Sir Nick Faldo. He claimed he was making mental errors, but if things go wrong he has a good career starring in golf adverts to carry him through.
Ian Poulter compared the 18th hole to mini golf and even Phil Mickelson was critical of the course. Maybe this was a ruse by the R&A to stop everyone talking about male-only clubs.
Friday
A lovely start to the day as Lee Westwood gets on a charge, going five under before losing three shots at the end.
For England cricket fans one of the great pleasures is a Swann-Broad partnership, which this time put on 48 quick runs for the last wicket as both men swung the bat. What followed was then some of the most amateurish cricket I've ever seen. Shane Watson reviewed a plumb lbw, Chris Rogers was given lbw after missing a slow, loopy full toss which was missing the stumps but he didn't review. Usman Khawaja was then badly dropped at slip off Swann, before Phil Hughes made an awful swipe at Tim Bresnan which was given out, only for him to review it. And the decision stayed as it was. All very bizarre.
Despite a late three wicket burst from Peter Siddle it's definitely advantage England, whilst at Muirfield Jimenez leads the Open.
Good end to the one-day international in the West Indies as well as the final pair hit 15 off the last over to tie against Pakistan, with Umar Akmal missing a fairly straightforward run-out opportunity to win the game by one run.
Saturday
The incredible sporting weekend starts here. In between big spells of garden cricket it was rushing back to watch Joe Root bat out the whole day alongside Bresnan, Bell and Jonny Bairstow. Such is Bell's change of fortune, he was caught at the start of his innings but not given out because replays were inconclusive. Even better, a tweet came out from Cricket Australia's official Twitter feed which read: "That decision sucked ass #bullshit." They may have had a point, but they immediately denied that any of their staff had sent it. Which is a shame, because official Twitter feeds are too boring these days.
On top of that, Lee Westwood suddenly went three clear at the Open, promising an incredible sporting Sunday of success with Chris Froome set to win the Tour de France. By the end that lead was down to two, and with lots of major winners just behind it is all set to be a classic final day.
Sunday
Disappointing that Root couldn't get the double hundred, but it's not a bad consolation that he is England's youngest ever Ashes centurion at Lord's. Even funnier, Watson is lbw once more and this time he decides not to review it, but that didn't stop Hughes and Smith from taking on the baton. Despite some dropped catches and a missed stumping it was an easy victory, meaning the Ashes are all but won. Great news, but it's a shame that the sporting summer is nearly at a close. Still, we have three more Tests as well as a tennis and golf major to look forward to.
Just to make Australia more of a laughing stock, the brother of disciplined batsman David Warner, Steven, denied sending out expletive tweets (there is definitely a theme here). The tweets read: "Fucking selfish Warner, the sooner your out if the side the great pretender the better." And "I hope u have a business class seat booked from SA to London because its about time u had a batsman there who will have a go." Shocking I know. I mean, where do these people learn their grammar and spelling? Even better, former coach Mickey Arthur once again had a go at the board for his sacking. Maybe it was him sending the expletive tweet from their official account?
The weekend was a slight let down with Westwood once more coming up short at a major. Strangely, it wasn't his putting that failed him, If you're going to lose though, there's no shame in losing to a round of 66 on a seriously difficult course. If anyone was going to do it (other than a Brit) then I'm glad it was Mickelson, an all round nice man and someone who finished runner up at the US Open for the sixth time this year. That's all Leftie needs now to complete the career Grand Slam.
Another charge did come, this time from Ian Poulter who dropped to +6 early on, before getting a shot back and then going five under through four holes. Unfortunately, he could only close on one over and with Mickelson in that sort of form it didn't end up being close.
Any tension would have been found in the penultimate pairing of Tiger Woods and Adam Scott, who has Tiger's ex caddie Steve Williams on his bag. Tiger once more faltered, showing that despite still being an excellent golfer, he is near the top of the pack instead of being out in front as he used to be.
Congratulations as well to Chris Froome. Sure, the Tour has become highly discredited since it turned out almost everyone was doing drugs, but seeing as Froome is almost certainly clean it's nice to add his success to the rolling call which includes Rose, Murray and the English cricket team.
Meanwhile...
Tweet of the Week: https://twitter.com/DaveLynndawg/status/358155330426925056/photo/1
Carly Rae Jepsen threw the first pitch at a Tampa Bay Rays game. It didn't go very well, but at least she always has a good time - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H1BPjZA1io
Stoke City offer fans free travel for away matches. Considering how bad their away record is they might want to consider free tickets and pint as well.
It sounds like a drunk Ray Wilkins was struggling to stay on his feet - http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ray-wilkins-swore-police-told-2055169?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Advert of the Week without questioning is this beauty of Luis Suarez. You don't have to like him to find this funny - http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/luis-suarez-advert-video-liverpool-2057867
Ebay bids to play 45 minutes alongside Paul Scholes. Wow - http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/former-manchester-united-star-paul-2057548?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Maybe not the worst haircut in the world, but certainly in the top 1 - http://www.101greatgoals.com/gallery/gimages/image/giovanni-simeone-son-of-diego-trains-with-the-first-team-of-river-plate-gets-terrible-haircut/
Sport this week
Almost nothing. Disappointingly, T20 cricket and pre-season friendlies appear to be the best on offer, as well as the World Matchplay Darts in Blackpool
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