It's always fun watching Australia struggle, and seeing Michael Clarke's disgusted look when George Bailey got run out sauntering for a single was priceless. The Aussie team is pretty much a team of IPL knock-offs like Mitchell Marsh - a man whose main role seems to be getting the drinks in - and Glenn Maxwell, who was bought for $1million by the Mumbai Indians and played three matches, scored 36 runs and took no wickets as his side won the tournament.
The highlight of the Confederations Cup has to be watching Tahiti take part, although a close second must be Peter Odemwingie in the studio. Odemwingman must have forgotten that the BBC studios have moved from London to Salford otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to go. Baffingly, he is not part of the Nigerian squad having fallen out the with the manager. So when Dan Walker asked if the manager is a difficult man to get on with, it was perhaps no surprise that Odemwingman thought that was the case. Still, credit to Tahiti who actually showed more of a goal threat than England tend to. And no sign of Craig Levein's 4-6-0 formation, aka full out Kimstevening. Unfortunately, their defending resembled my attempt on Fifa to play against Spain on legendary setting.
Tuesday
A disappointing day with little to no sport but that didn't stop it from being a corker. I was listening to Joe Kinnear's TalkSPORT interview in complete shock and thought I'd list all his memorable quotes in detail until I discovered someone had beaten me to it http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/joe-kinnear-accuses-newcastle-supporters-of-talking-out-their-backsides-during-bizarre-rant-to-explain-appointment-as-director-of-football-8662672.html
This must go down as possibly the worst interview of all time alongside Paddy Crerand's angry rant that Sir Alex Ferguson was not retiring just a couple of hours before he announced it. If you haven't listened to it yet, or you want to listen to it again, then here it is http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/joe-kinnear-goes-on-talksport-and-gives-one-of-the-most-ridiculous-interviews-of-all-time/
In other news, Spain won a tournament. Anyway, moving on...
Wednesday
There's always that sense of excitement when England take part in a semi-final. They were up against the so-called chokers South Africa, who could not have done more to live up to their reputation when they subsided to 80-8, accompanied by a tweet from English/South African Kevin Pietersen who put: "I'm finding it hard to breathe at the moment.. I got some bad kinda cough going on." Either KP was trying to be funny or he'd been caught sending texts to the opposition again.
David Miller and Rory Kleinveldt then hit out to get the total to 175. Star of the show for me is always James Tredwell, who represents Team Bald so very well. Thank you, Tredders, for showing that bald is beautiful.
Credit to Jonathan Trott as well. The marmite man of the England ODI team responded to accusations that he batted too slowly by telling journalists that he'd developed a new shot. Oh good, what was this shot? A ramp, a switch ramp, a ramp switch hit? "It's a block. It's a new block. Tell them I've found a new way to block the half-volley and full-toss. They'll like that." Clearly Trott has been watching Nick Compton (aka the Compdog) for too long. Nasser Hussain will be happy though. The forward defence is only topped by the good old-fashioned leave as his favourite shot.
Good from Shane Warne who has become boring on Twitter but is still good value in the commentary box. Warne is well known for his verbal battles with South African Daryll Cullinan who always struggled to play him. There's the famous moment where it had been heard that Cullinan had been to see a psychiatrist, so when he arrived to the wicket Warne remarked that he had been waiting two years to humiliate him again, to which Cullinan replied, "Looks like you spent it eating." When asked by Alan Wilkins whether he enjoyed playing against Daryll he said: yes, it's always nice to play against a batsman who hasn't got a clue what I'm bowling. This was followed up by a personal message - "Daryll, I miss you." Classic Warney.
Best sledge of all time has to be Sir Ian Botham. When Rod Marsh asked him "how's your wife and my kids?" Botham replied, "Wife's fine, but the kids are retarded."
Spent the evening reading the second book of the Hunger Games with both Confederations Cup matches on in the background. Not sure what had me salivating most: the revelations in the book, Neymar's goal, or the worldie of a match between Italy and Japan. Well worth staying up until 1am for despite both pundits - Robbie Savage and John Hartson - coming from Wales which I was reliably informed last week is not a country.*
*I in no way agree with this viewpoint. Well, maybe a little
Thursday
1am and I check ESPNCricinfo to discover that Darren Stevens, a Tredders lookalike, has done it again http://www.espncricinfo.com/county-cricket-2013/engine/current/match/593406.html
Rumours abounding that Thiago will move to Manchester United because David de Gea signed the football he was holding after scoring a hat-trick in the under-21 final with the words, "See you in Manchester." This is pretty similar to when an attractive girl likes my Facebook status and I just assume that she wants me. Except with Thiago, there is actually some chance that it will happen.
A video went up on YouTube after somebody with a Manchester United shirt got Thiago to sign it. Nice, but nothing on the guy who asked John Terry to sign something with the words: "To Wayne. I'm sorry." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OtzURRG108
Spain v. Tahiti in the Confederations Cup tonight. For some reason it was allowed on before the watershed. Credit to Tahiti for continuing to go for it in an attempt to score and not sticking everyone behind the ball just to lose 4-0. If this me was v. Kimsteven on Fifa, with Kimsteven as Spain, he'd play a 5-4-1, go 3-0 down at half-time and then stick on two more holding mids just to consolidate the loss.
Friday
Pretty low key day, mostly spent at Trent Bridge watching Notts lose their 100% record in the YB40. In other news, the odds on Novak Djokovic winning Wimbledon have dropped rapidly after the draw was made.
Saturday
There were some good luck messages for the Lions from some high profile figures: Princes Harry and William, David Beckham, Rory McIlroy, Justin Rose, Jessica Ennis-Hill, Sir Chris Hoy, Sir Ian Botham... and Robbie Keane?! What are you doing there?
Beckham against Portugal, Terry against United and now Beale against the Lions. It may not be the funniest moment of someone slipping over in the last couple of months (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or_yD9kzQ_c) but as the Lions tried their best to throw it away it was the most significant. Another great moment for Australian sport.
In the Confederations Cup Neymar scored again and once more Joey Barton said the jury was still out on him. Maybe Joey didn't quite get the irony of that comment.
Sunday
Top stories in the Sunday papers come from a Joe Kinnear interview where he defended his comments about winning the Manager of the Year award three times. Apparently one was the Sky Sports Manager of the Year Award 1996 and a Daily Mirror poll in 1997. Well, that clears that up. The other was Andy Murray getting drunk for the first time ever after his US Open win, on his own, and brushing his teeth with face cream. Clearly Muzz knows how to party. Also, to add to the previous mention of Daryll Cullinan, Andrew Strauss admitted in an interview that after Shane Warne got him out twice at Edgbaston in 2005 he started calling him Daryll when he was at the wicket. Beautiful.
In the cricket, England lived up to their reputation as generous hosts. They gave India home advantage with the location, the pitch and even manufactured the weather so it became a 20 over match, their favourite format. Still, it took a shocking third umpire decision and a late collapse until they won.
Goal machine Fernando Torres scored again, but Gus Poyet had the biggest PR coup of the year when it was announced he had been sacked whilst in the studio despite not being told by Brighton. Fair to say Gus will come out of this better. Tahiti finished their tournament with one goal from three matches. As many as Danny Welbeck scored in the Premier League last season.
Completed the week with a watch of the excellent behind the scenes look at Andy Murray. My favourite quote came from Sue Barker who said, "Outdoor Scottish tennis. It sounds like a form of torture." Quite.
Meanwhile...
Tweet of the week: From the best tweeter there is around, former Forest striker David Johnson (not that there are many decent tweeters). During the Italy v. Japan match he tweeted - "I've enjoyed this game so much #itajap that I haven't even switched over to Babecast once to have a quick check on the ladies #shocking"
Second place: Michael Vaughan - https://twitter.com/MichaelVaughan/status/347375659011690497/photo/1
Football fixtures came out this week. The countdown to the new season has begun
Andy Carroll signed for West Ham on Wednesday, before heading off to Ascot
Photobomb of the week: http://www.101greatgoals.com/gallery/gimages/image/radamel-falcao-spotted-in-background-of-ray-allens-blockbuster-3-point-shot#.UcHZ5oxUVW8.twitter
Joe Kinnear, allegedly in 2012: "I would consider something like a director of football post. But I would do that for just one reason and that is to get myself back into full-time management. If I was a director of football and the manager was struggling and got the old tin-tack, I would tell them that I'd take over."
Alan Shearer had his name removed from a Newcastle United bar after criticising the club. Apparently their lamb ayzee is most delightful. Kebabs are soon to be on the menu as well
Speaking of Joe Kinnear, here's what he gets up to on Facebook http://www.101greatgoals.com/gvideos/talksport-spoof-joe-kinnear-likes-kebabs-on-fakebook/#.UcMkb-Hp9WQ.twitter
Ricky Ponting announced he will retire from all cricket at the end of the IPL Champions League in October. He is still odds on to be the top scorer in the Sheffield Shield this winter, with extras in a close second. Seeing as he will not play in the Champions League, going to the West Indian domestic T20 tournament and lining up in the shower alongside his team mates will be a fitting ending
Champions Trophy team of the tournament:
1. Dhawan
2. Trott
3. Kohli
4. Sangakkara (wk)
5. Misbah (c)
6. Bopara
7. Jadeja
8. McLaren
9. Ashwin
10. Anderson
11. McClenaghan
Sport this week
Wimbledon
Confederations Cup semis and final
Lions 2nd Test
England v. New Zealand T20s
Start of the domestic T20 season
British Grand Prix
Start of Essex v. England warm-up match
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