Hello and welcome to the return of my blog, a glorified excuse to basically go on and on about the summer of sport. Every week from now on I will be describing the copious amount of live sport I have watched all week as well as some other sporting news. And at the end of each blog I will give some details of the sport coming up the following week for you to salivate over.
Having watched the Champions Trophy pretty much non-stop I must say it is nice to watch an international tournament where there are no minnows (I hope Platini is watching considering he is trying to ruin the Euros). Not that I don't like rooting for the underdogs, I mean, watching New Zealand go unbeaten in the last World Cup was my highlight of the whole thing. But having a 15 match tournament featuring the top eight sides in the world cannot be beaten. Imagine a football equivalent with say: Spain, Germany, Italy, Argentina, Holland, France, Brazil and (as an interesting experiment) England. Or a Champions League quarters of: Barcelona, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, Dortmund, Juventus, Manchester United, Manchester City and PSG. Ok I'll stop it now before I have to reach for a change of underwear.
Anyway, hear's what I've been watching this week:
Monday
South Africa v. Pakistan in the Champions Trophy. Both sides had lost their openers and were in need of a win at Edgbaston. Clearly Pakistan thought they were playing in a Test match seeing as they hit only 19 off their first 10 overs when chasing 235. After two games they have scored 337 runs with Misbah-ul-Haq and Nasir Jamshed having hit 243 of them. I was sure they would win today as Dale Steyn and Morne Morkel were missing for the Saffers. That's like taking Michael Clarke and well, ok just Michael Clarke, out of the Australian team.
South Africa have Lonwabo Tsotsobe opening the bowling for them, although how he manages to run in at all is a mystery (I hope you get it) http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/p480x480/75012_531953823515875_558753549_n.jpg
Tuesday
West Indies v. India at the Oval started with some big hitting from Chris Gayle and Johnson Charles before the Windies were squeezed like a tub of toothpaste on its last drops of white liquid. The chief culprit was Sir Ravindra Jadeja (henceforth known as Jadeja wank - say it quickly) who at one point had figures of eight overs, five wickets for 15 runs. Jadeja wank is the epitome of a Duncan Fletcher cricketer in that he can bat, bowl and field. He seems such an innocuous cricketer with his darters that don't spin much but he seems to always do well. He forms part of...
Duncan Fletcher's wet dream XI:
Paul Collingwood
Sir Ravindra Jadeja
Michael Yardy
Jamie Dalrymple
Grant Elliott
Mohammad Hafeez
Darren Sammy
Ravi Ashwin
Darren (Kim)Stevens
Ashley Giles
Liam Plunkett
Fortunately, Darren Sammy - who was only in because of Denesh Ramdin's suspension after claiming a catch when he had dropped the ball - smashed it absolutely everywhere, ending on 56* from 35 balls. Still, it didn't do them much good.
Once India had easily won I turned over to ESPN Classic to watch Nick Faldo rip through St. Andrews in the 1990 Open, scoring -17 during the opening three days before holding off Payne Stewart and Mark McNulty on a blustery final day. At the same time I had on Andrew Flintoff interviewing Geoffrey Boycott. Some more great quotes from Geoffrey as is standard, saying you can't score runs from the pavilion and telling Flintoff that I would have you in as a bowler and I'd do the batting for you. Terrific stuff. Despite having already read Geoffrey's auto-biography which was a completely unbiased read describing his greatness, I decided to order another biography just to confirm this. And also a biography on Denis Compton and Beyond a Boundary, supposedly the greatest cricket book ever. This will be a glorious summer.
Once Faldo's golfing masterclass was done ESPN Classic then showed highlights from the 2nd Test of the 2005 Ashes.Words cannot describe my rigidness. Especially when England v. Wales in 1966 came on and a certain Robert Charlton spanked one in.
Wednesday
Woke up and checked Twitter as normal and discovered that Javier Mascherano had kicked a medic who was taking him off the pitch and David Warner had had a drunken altercation and was dropped from the Australia v. New Zealand game at Edgbaston I was going to watch. Clearly I was still dreaming.
My disappointment at Warner's suspension (the first thing he's hit since Xmas one person put) was tempered by Daniel Vettori's figures of 10 overs for 23 runs. There are few finer sights than big Danny wheeling away against the clueless Aussies. Apart from the typical good natured humour sent towards Mitchell Johnson from the crowd - especially after his first ball was dispatched for four - Vettori's spell was the definite highlight. And watching Warner bring out the drinks.
Got home and watched the 3rd Test from 2005. I still haven't been able to zip back up after Ashley Giles' ball of the century against Damien Martyn.
Thursday
Final day in Selly Oak was accompanied by a last dig in whereby the cricket and golf were both on and I barely moved for a good eight hours. It still doesn't top the four screens from last summer, but it sets me up for a long summer of sport. Unfortunately, England didn't deliver despite Ravi Bopara hitting the last over for 28 runs. Sri Lanka bossed the chase and with six overs left needed 25 runs with seven wickets in hand, prompting Nasser Hussain to come up with the great line, "it isn't over yet." Seriously, what game was he watching?
Elsewhere in cricket, David Warner was banned from playing for Australia until the Ashes. Bit of a low blow for big Dave.
The golf was let down by the weather, meaning lots of the big guns did not come out until after 9pm our time. Disappointingly, Ian Poulter could maintain his rapid start of birdie, birdie, birdie. Still, there's nothing like four days of great golfing ebb and flow. Highlight of the day might be Paddy Power tweeting this video of Bubba Watson and Rickie Fowler photobombing (videobombing) Jason Day's interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJQErxkWRk4
Friday
Turned on to the US Open and saw only two golfers were under par. This reminds me of playing Tiger Woods 2013 for the first time as an amateur with my guy only able to drive 200 yards and reaching every par four in three shots. And no, I was not playing as Luke Donald.
It's fair to say South Africa have not always had fun with Duckworth Lewis, going out in their home 2003 World Cup when they thought the par score was the winning score, and in 1992 when they were left needing 22 off the last ball having needed 22 off 13 balls before the rain had intervened. However, they got some respite against the West Indies, who saw Kieron Pollard get out the ball before rain arrived, leaving the match as a tie and meaning South Africa went through thanks to a better net run rate.
Saturday
The uniqueness of cricket can best be seen through the reverse swinging ball. Unlike conventional swing, it is seen as something of a dark art, almost like throwing the cruciatus curse on an unsuspecting opponent as he is about to play a shot. Bob Willis' suggestion that an England player (most likely Ravi Bopara) had been deliberately ball tampering went down about as well as bacon butties at a bar mitzvah. It wouldn't be the first time that there had been suggestions of ball tampering at the Oval.
With rain ruining everything I caught a documentary on the 2009 Lions tour to South Africa. Seeing the passion at first-hand was incredible but the definite highlight has to be the loser of round-the-world table tennis getting his bare arse spanked by a number of his team-mates with the paddles.
A minor thrill having three Englishman in the mix on moving day. Enjoyed Butch Harmon constantly ripping Hunter Mahan for his attire.
Sunday
Been massively Kimstevened by the weather so made a trip to Trent Bridge to watch Notts take on Warwickshire in a 40 overs a side match. The highlights were one man at third man misjudging a catch off Michael Lumb, going back and falling over. Just to rub it in, wicket-keeper Tim Ambrose then started mocking him.
And Paul Best who tried a shy at the stumps but held on to the ball for so long that it went yards wide of the target and even went for an overthrow. It was the equivalent of a footballer accidentally kicking the ball with his standing foot. Poor Paul had his head in his hands and the crowd enjoying a great laugh.
Sitting behind an Ashley Giles lookalike, I saw Samit Patel hit a run a ball hundred to see Notts home, with Chris Read there at the end. At the same time I listened to TMS as England defeated New Zealand to make it through to the semi-finals. Before the play began, Jonathan Agnew was telling Matthew Hoggard that he had interviewed him after the 2005 Ashes win but Hoggy said he had no recollection of this. Freddie Flintoff can empathise.
I'd also like to add that having heard the speakers at Trent Bridge play Craig David 'seven days' during the match, this should be on every summer playlist on the few days that the sun shines.
At the same time as Mario Balotelli was ripping off his shirt once more, the biggest mind-fuck since Katy Perry started touching Cheryl Cole on the Graham Norton show - the US Open - was in full swing. On his 43th birthday, on father's day, having finished runners up five times before, surely it was Phil's time? He double bogeyed twice and then chipped in for eagle, but that wasn't enough against Justin Rose, the man who metaphorically and literally pulled his pants down at the last Ryder Cup. Any excuse to show this putt again and his brilliant celebration (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzywrGTO4qk). Credit to Phil as well for clapping Justin. I'm sure Tiger Woods would have done exactly the same.
Meanwhile...
Jose Mourinho returned to Chelsea and declared that he was the 'happy one.' I'm sure that has nothing to do with his new contract
England under-21s lost to Israel. Hahahahaha
Tweet of the week (the clue is in the picture) - https://twitter.com/LewisWiltshire/status/344089107863068672/photo/1
Cristiano Ronaldo announces that despite the rumours, he has not signed a new contract with Real Madrid. Cue lots of premature ejaculation in Manchester... and London, Beijing, Delhi...
Gareth Bale has trademarked his celebration. If Bebeto had done the same with his baby cradle celebration then he would have made a fortune. Or the first guy who ever shouted get in the hole on a golf course... http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/4971614/Gareth-Bale-trademarks-goal-celebration-and-shirt-number.html
Rumour of the week - Tony Pulis was in contention for the Athletic Bilbao job
Story of the week - A tie between Joe Kinnear's return to Newcastle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_NQqnc_ue0&sns=tw - the press conference from hell) or Shane Williams' one match trip for the Lions. Amazingly, Kinnear is in charge of transfers at Newcastle so Geordies should expect Andy Impey and David Friio turning up any day now
I would also like to add that I am flattered by reports linking me to Real Madrid and that I would of course have to talk to them. But I'm very happy where I am right now
Coming up this week:
The final group game of the Champions Trophy, the semis and the final
The Confederations Cup group games featuring football powerhouse Tahiti
The Lions' opener
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