Some big news for both the people who read this. Due to my now ridiculous schedule, there is a good chance I will have to either slow down the frequency of my blogs or (if things get really bad) stop it all together. Hopefully I won't have to do anything too drastic.
Of course, I will continue to post random stuff and there is always my Facebook status and Twitter account. But let's not have negative thoughts, here is this week's blog, delivered despite shocking internet connectivity during the week which has made it hard to keep up to date.
A bit Arsey
Arsene Wenger put he wanted '14 more years' with the Gunners as his Facebook status. This was liked by Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Didier Drogba, Sir Alex Ferguson and 10 others.
Fenerbahce banning men
I'm sure you heard this story, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. Turkish team Fenerbahce did the unthinkable and banned all men from a match due to hooliganism, leaving just women and children. Calm down dears...
For Fifa's sake
Those who went to school with me may remember a story from a maths lesson where the guy I was sitting next to had messed up a question with a calculator and in his frustration had written Error 2 as his answer. But somehow, the teacher (who will remain nameless although it's not too hard to guess who it was) decided to give the answer as correct and I don't think it was even for his working.
The point of this story? Well England were fourth in the Fifa rankings last month despite not playing a match. And now they have beaten Bulgaria and Wales but somehow have gone down to eighth in the rankings. Maybe Sepp Blatter was in my maths class as well.
AVB needs to learn from OBE
This week marked the anniversary of Brian Clough's death and Facebook was awash with some great videos of him. In particular I enjoyed his interview with John Motson which saw a frank exchange between the two men about the BBC's coverage of Saturday football.
But what struck me most was how Clough would tell his team to never yell at referees or berate them for bad decisions. And last Sunday, Andre Villas-Boas, after losing to Manchester United, decided to blame the linesman for not giving Chris Smalling and Nani offside before their goals. Yes, they were bad decisions, but why was there nobody near Smalling? And why did nobody close down Nani? And what about when Torres missed an open goal?
More importantly, Forest need their own Clough now. After spending Saturday out I rushed back from the train station to see that Forest were winning at Watford, but after watching the highlights I began to wonder how. The match was so bad that when Match of the Day finished later in the evening we had to turn the TV off before they showed the match on the Football League show.
My favourite moment was McClaren's interview after the match where he said at half-time he had told his team that if they got a chance they had to take it because they probably wouldn't get another one. Get the man a brolly!
You're Gowen nowhere
30 April 2011 - "I suppose I am dreaming of coming off the bench and scoring the stoppage-time winner in the Champions League final.
"That is the motivation that drives me on. Every day I have to be ready and prepared to come in and do something."
That was Michael Owen and to his credit he did score another goal. In case you forgot it was against Blackpool on the final day of the season when they were already Champions and the match was as good as won.
But now that he's scored two goals against Leeds and come on for Javier Hernandez against Stoke he hopes to break into the England squad. Now I like Owen and would like to see him back with the national side, but we know in two weeks time when Rooney, Hernandez and Welbeck are all fit he's going to be warming the bench again.
Milan madness
Gian Piero Gasperini was sacked as Inter manager after five months and replaced by Claudio Ranieri. I suppose it makes Rafa Benitez's time as manager in Milan look pretty decent now.
McIlroy roaring down the Tiger
In a headline on BBC Sport this week Rory McIlroy said Tiger Woods was past his peak. There's going to be a lot of unhappy women in Florida now.
5 Rugby players you would not want to take on in a fight
Right, a bit of background information to this. Fraser Kesteven was meant to do a top 10 with a bit of information on each one, but because he's busy spending all his time losing at Fifa, eating and giving rubbish banter this is all he could be bothered to do. I'm sorry for this pile of wank, but I suppose it's better than nothing.
1. Bakkies Botha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO12nItzYdw
2. Sebastian Chabal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-J3JfNtjHw
3. Courtney Lawes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAB9jlyE7Q4
4. Ma’a Nonu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULLlAkSChK4&feature=related
5. Henry Tuilagi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXGfHyZJTzE
Speaking of Fifa, it's been a good first week back in Birmingham with the Xbox 360. As expected I have been winning all my matches due to my experience at the world's greatest game, but even I didn't expect to beat Fraser 12-0 with Forest against Chelsea.
But by far the best idea was making it a house rule that if Emile Heskey or Dele Adebola scores a winning or equalising goal in the 85/115th minute onwards or a winning penalty then it is compulsory for everybody in the room (except the person who conceded) to run outside in celebration. So now you know if you come over.
I can tell you now, it is nerve wracking stuff when you do Forest v. Villa and it's 2-2 going into the final minute, but of course big Dele delivered, cue mad scenes in our garden. Then the following night, it was 2-2 again with Emile on a hat-trick and through on goal but fortunately Lee Camp saved my blushes. Then, as is standard, Dele scored another late winner. And despite the fact I was wearing smart clothes it was back into the garden again. There was still time for the big man to seal the hat-trick. Unbelievable tekkers!
Flop(ianski) of the week
Can we really have Fernando Torres two weeks in a row? This despite scoring both times? I may be wrong but I can't think of anything worse than his red card although I'm sure there is. With great timing, Didier Drogba made his return from injury and scored and now has three games to cement his place again in the starting line-up. No wonder he looked happy.
Hall of Lame
If you thought Fernando Torres deserved a red card then you should see this. I know I've posted it before, but still.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZM8HPOGbv8
Weekly contest: Tipster v. Tramp
With the Selly Oak Tramp 5-3 up, we look at last week's predictions to see if the Tipster, who was less than a minute away from winning an accumulator, can catch up.
Last week's predictions
Who will be top scorer for England in Friday's T20 match v. West Indies
Tipster: Bairstow
Tramp: Kieswetter
Result: Hales
And the one we all want to know...
How many goals will Chelsea score against Swansea?
Tipster: 3
Tramp: 2
Result: 4
Ooh so close for both this week but the scores stay the same. Will they fare better this week I wonder?
How many points will be scored in the England v. Scotland match?
Tipster: 42
Tramp: 36
And the one we all want to know...
What will be the score in the Tottenham v. Arsenal match?
Tipster: 2-2
Tramp: 3-3 Tottenham
The week ahead
I'm going for some late drama here: Spurs late winner, England late winner, Liverpool late winner against Everton. Manchester United... 4-0 against Norwich.
Richard Dunne to score an own goal for Wigan.
Michael Owen to score against Basel then put in a come and get me plea to Barcelona.
Quotes of the week
Fraser Kesteven (on Friday): "Don't worry Joel, I will write the list tonight."
Michael Owen: "I can't see how the gaffer can bring Wayne back in now."
Fraser Kesteven (on Saturday): "Don't worry Joel, I will get it done."
Steve McClaren: "I told the team we need to keep a clean sheet because we aren't good enough to score."
Fraser Kesteven (on Sunday): "Yeah, I'm not going to do it."
Joel Lamy (on Sunday): Expletives deleted
tramp - tottenham 3-2 arsenal
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