It finally happened. Whilst England enjoyed probably its longest drought in history, Fernando Torres finally ended his with a goal after 732 minutes of football. Elsewhere, we have seen Arsenal again collapse like an Australian batting line-up, we have seen Mourinho win another trophy and every footballer, actor and celebrity has taken out injunctions, super-injunctions, hyper-injunctions (whatever those are) or have just banned the whole world from talking about what they have got up to. Also, fans of Sky Sports News should read on for exciting information.
The past week
Having watched his team mate, who joined at the same time as him, score twice, Torres finally decided to do what he has been paid a lot of money to do. After watching several replays, I am convinced that if the ball hadn't got stuck in a puddle it would have gone out of play and we would have continued to laugh at him. But if you can't score against West Ham's defence, then you're probably in the wrong league.
The same match saw Wayne Bridge once again refuse to shake John Terry's hand. I can't help but respect someone who hates Terry, but any sympathy for Bridge is running thin. This is the same man who is a Premier League footballer, has played for England and more importantly, has gone out with Vanessa Perroncel and Frankie Sandford. That's a pretty good revenge.
And in more good news for men everywhere, it was announced this week that Kirsty Gallacher will rejoin Sky Sports News next month joining a stellar cast which includes Charlotte Jackson, Millie Clode, Natalie Sawyer and, the now single Georgie Thompson. Unbelievable tekkers!
Of course this week has seen more usage of injunctions and super-injunctions to keep people from finding out that footballers cheat on their wives (yes really). If you are looking for even more women to Google, then check out Imogen Thomas, who has had an affair with a married Premier League footballer, but has been banned from selling her story to newspapers. The problem with trying to guess who it is, is that there are so many footballers who are rich and sleazy enough to do this. Until a week ago Torres would have been out of the questions as nobody could remember the last time he scored, but you can never rule out somebody who plays for Chelsea.
Flop(ianski) of the week
So many contenders this week it's unreal. I have resisted giving it to the Leicester goalkeeper who gifted Forest the winner on Friday as that would look like me being biased. Similarly, the Yorkshire cricket team who collapsed to 86 all out when chasing 145 for victory on the same day to hand Nottinghamshire victory when the match seemed all over. I think the award should go to Arsene Wenger for so many reasons. I have always had a soft spot for Arsenal, but to see their manager act like an even more petulant Mourinho is a shame. The reluctance to buy a decent keeper again is beyond belief, then to pin your hopes on the likes of Eboue and Bendtner is just madness. Then add to all that Wenger's behaviour. He clashes with everyone for no reason, he blames the ref no matter what and then he criticises a newspaper for running an interview, saying it has twisted Cesc Fabregas' words even after they have put the recorded version of the interview on their website. Maybe he should try and win a trophy instead of thinking the whole world is against him.
Hall of Lame
To celebrate Torres ending his goal drought, it is time to celebrate another striker who struggled to hit the net in the Premier League. No not Diego Forlan, as it's hard to criticise somebody who won the Golden Boot at the World Cup, but Ade Akinbiyi. In 2000, he was a £5.5 million buy for Leicester City as they tried to stay in the top flight. However, the beast of a striker turned out to be a pussycat in front of goal and went 15 games without scoring for his new club, despite having many opportunities. I suppose the one small benefit is that he cost about a tenth of what Chelsea paid for Torres. That's called clutching at straws.
The week ahead
United will play rubbish against Schalke, but will somehow win as they do every match.
Real Madrid will do a Scotland and play 4-6-0 against Barcelona. They will end the game playing 4-4-0 as the ref will send off two of the players.
Arsenal will be 2-0 up against United but will concede in the 95th and 99th minutes and Fergie will complain that not enough time was added on.
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger: 'I will never give an interview to anyone again, as they always twist my words, even though it is on video.'
Mick McCarthy: 'I hope our crowd abuses every single opposition player and I hope the ref is biased towards us.'
Ray Wilkins: 'Stay on your feet', 'Stand up' or 'Kaboul is useless'
Sunday 24 April 2011
Sunday 17 April 2011
Liverpool help United overtake their league titles
For football lovers everywhere it's been another exciting week, with Champions League, Premier League, FA Cup, Football League and Clasicos all for us to enjoy (unless you support Chelsea, Spurs or Arsenal). And the excitement has only just begun...
The past week
It is often said that footballers are a dumb bunch and it is hard to disagree with this assessment as for every Clarke Carlisle, we get an Emmanuel Eboue. Arsenal have been called pioneers of passing football in this country, but they have also taken cock-ups to a whole new level. From this season alone, we have the surrender of a 4-0 lead against Newcastle, the last minute defensive mix-up which cost them the Carling Cup and Fabregas' back-heel against Barcelona. But they must be the first team in history to take the lead in the 98th minute of a match and still not win. Liverpool had 2 efforts on goal after Van Persie's penalty, but clearly Arsenal are so scared of success that they had to give away a penalty when Lucas was running away from their goal. Whether it was a penalty or not, and I certainly was not convinced by Lucas' theatrics, to say Eboue was naive pushing him in the back would be like saying Mario Balotelli is a bit eccentric.
However, Liverpool have only gone and handed their great rivals, Man United, their 19th League title which allows them to become the most successful English club in history. Maybe the Liverpool supporters should bare that in mind as they (along with supporters from Manchester, Stoke and Bolton) made the long journey up north.
As has been pointed out on Facebook this week, Fernando Torres has beaten David Blaine's record for doing nothing in a box. However, he finally found the back of the net this weekend against Wigan, before finding out he was offside. If Torres has the record for being the most expensive flop in footballing history, then Balotelli must be up there as the most annoying. Were he to put as much effort into scoring as he does throwing darts, then he would be a half-decent player, which says a lot for Edin Dzeko. He was replaced by a player who was substituted against Liverpool despite having already come on to replace the injured Carlos Tevez. A substitute being substituted, now where have we heard that before? Emmanuel?
And the Oscar this week goes to... the Barcelona and Real Madrid teams who did a great job re-enacting a World War 1 film. The first of 4 clasicos in 18 days started off dirty, before escalating into a full-on physical battle, which at the end saw Villa and Messi continually on the floor in off the ball incidents. The worst offenders were Sergio Busquets and, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo, but the show is always stolen one man. Jose Mourinho didn't say much before the match as he shunned journalists at his press conference, causing a mass walk-out, but he had said before that he expected to end with 10 men because the refs are always biased against his side. So it was no surprise that Raul Albiol got sent off in the second half, even though it was as clear a penalty and a red as you are likely to see. Hopefully the remaining 3 matches will be just as compelling and that Mourinho fails to bully refs into giving his side favourable decisions (like the penalty they were were rewarded last match).
It is difficult to be cruel when talking about a 21-year-old sportsman and I will resist any attempts to criticise Rory McIlroy for his collapse on the back 9 at Augusta. But those who hailed his resilience in going half way across the world to play in a tournament the week after, should not be so quick with their praise as young Rory blew a 3 shot lead to lose out to 18-year-old Matteo Manasserro. Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come, but for once, his age can't be used as an excuse.
Flop(ianski) of the week
For anyone to beat Emmanuel Eboue to this award would have had to have done something spectacularly bad. If he isn't sold in the summer, along with that other flop Nicklas Bendtner, then Arsenal might as well not bother competing next season for any trophy.
Hall of Lame
As the Masters finished last weekend, it is only fitting to look back at one of golf's worst chokes. Jean van de Velde was 3 strokes clear going into the 72nd hole of the 1999 Open at Carnoustie. What happened next is legendary, if for all the wrong reasons. He shot a triple bogey and then lost a playoff to Paul Lawrie. I take no joy in seeing somebody collapse like this, even if he is French, but for those who do, here is evidence of that fatal collapse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dR1pkCGY80
However, this week saw a PGA tour record as Kevin Na hit 16 on a par 4, as he hit the ball into the trees twice before taking a number of shots to get the ball out. Yet somehow, he hit 3 under on the back 9 which takes some doing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQpjnz_PuGU
The week ahead
After United lose at Newcastle, who come back from 5-0 down, Arsenal find themselves with a chance to close the gap once more. And they are 1-0 up going into injury time and have a penalty. Amazingly, Eboue takes the penalty, hits the post, then Gareth Bale gets the ball and runs the length of the pitch before being taken out by Jens Lehmann, who has been recalled. Peter Crouch misses the penalty, but it is then re-taken after encroachment by Koscielny and is scored second time. Arsene Wenger refuses to blame his side.
Real Madrid win the Copa del Rey after the referee sends off 3 Barcelona players. Mourinho, however, is still not happy and accuses the ref of being a Catalan spy, even though his surname is di Stefano.
Torres finally scores... in his own net.
Quotes of the week
Take your pick out of Mourinho, Wenger and Fergie: 'The ref is: useless/biased/unfit/a woman who doesn't understand the offside rule.'
Carlo Ancelotti: 'This is not a good time for Fernando, but Ashley and John are going to give him some tips as they know how to score on a Saturday night.'
The past week
It is often said that footballers are a dumb bunch and it is hard to disagree with this assessment as for every Clarke Carlisle, we get an Emmanuel Eboue. Arsenal have been called pioneers of passing football in this country, but they have also taken cock-ups to a whole new level. From this season alone, we have the surrender of a 4-0 lead against Newcastle, the last minute defensive mix-up which cost them the Carling Cup and Fabregas' back-heel against Barcelona. But they must be the first team in history to take the lead in the 98th minute of a match and still not win. Liverpool had 2 efforts on goal after Van Persie's penalty, but clearly Arsenal are so scared of success that they had to give away a penalty when Lucas was running away from their goal. Whether it was a penalty or not, and I certainly was not convinced by Lucas' theatrics, to say Eboue was naive pushing him in the back would be like saying Mario Balotelli is a bit eccentric.
However, Liverpool have only gone and handed their great rivals, Man United, their 19th League title which allows them to become the most successful English club in history. Maybe the Liverpool supporters should bare that in mind as they (along with supporters from Manchester, Stoke and Bolton) made the long journey up north.
As has been pointed out on Facebook this week, Fernando Torres has beaten David Blaine's record for doing nothing in a box. However, he finally found the back of the net this weekend against Wigan, before finding out he was offside. If Torres has the record for being the most expensive flop in footballing history, then Balotelli must be up there as the most annoying. Were he to put as much effort into scoring as he does throwing darts, then he would be a half-decent player, which says a lot for Edin Dzeko. He was replaced by a player who was substituted against Liverpool despite having already come on to replace the injured Carlos Tevez. A substitute being substituted, now where have we heard that before? Emmanuel?
And the Oscar this week goes to... the Barcelona and Real Madrid teams who did a great job re-enacting a World War 1 film. The first of 4 clasicos in 18 days started off dirty, before escalating into a full-on physical battle, which at the end saw Villa and Messi continually on the floor in off the ball incidents. The worst offenders were Sergio Busquets and, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo, but the show is always stolen one man. Jose Mourinho didn't say much before the match as he shunned journalists at his press conference, causing a mass walk-out, but he had said before that he expected to end with 10 men because the refs are always biased against his side. So it was no surprise that Raul Albiol got sent off in the second half, even though it was as clear a penalty and a red as you are likely to see. Hopefully the remaining 3 matches will be just as compelling and that Mourinho fails to bully refs into giving his side favourable decisions (like the penalty they were were rewarded last match).
It is difficult to be cruel when talking about a 21-year-old sportsman and I will resist any attempts to criticise Rory McIlroy for his collapse on the back 9 at Augusta. But those who hailed his resilience in going half way across the world to play in a tournament the week after, should not be so quick with their praise as young Rory blew a 3 shot lead to lose out to 18-year-old Matteo Manasserro. Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come, but for once, his age can't be used as an excuse.
Flop(ianski) of the week
For anyone to beat Emmanuel Eboue to this award would have had to have done something spectacularly bad. If he isn't sold in the summer, along with that other flop Nicklas Bendtner, then Arsenal might as well not bother competing next season for any trophy.
Hall of Lame
As the Masters finished last weekend, it is only fitting to look back at one of golf's worst chokes. Jean van de Velde was 3 strokes clear going into the 72nd hole of the 1999 Open at Carnoustie. What happened next is legendary, if for all the wrong reasons. He shot a triple bogey and then lost a playoff to Paul Lawrie. I take no joy in seeing somebody collapse like this, even if he is French, but for those who do, here is evidence of that fatal collapse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dR1pkCGY80
However, this week saw a PGA tour record as Kevin Na hit 16 on a par 4, as he hit the ball into the trees twice before taking a number of shots to get the ball out. Yet somehow, he hit 3 under on the back 9 which takes some doing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQpjnz_PuGU
The week ahead
After United lose at Newcastle, who come back from 5-0 down, Arsenal find themselves with a chance to close the gap once more. And they are 1-0 up going into injury time and have a penalty. Amazingly, Eboue takes the penalty, hits the post, then Gareth Bale gets the ball and runs the length of the pitch before being taken out by Jens Lehmann, who has been recalled. Peter Crouch misses the penalty, but it is then re-taken after encroachment by Koscielny and is scored second time. Arsene Wenger refuses to blame his side.
Real Madrid win the Copa del Rey after the referee sends off 3 Barcelona players. Mourinho, however, is still not happy and accuses the ref of being a Catalan spy, even though his surname is di Stefano.
Torres finally scores... in his own net.
Quotes of the week
Take your pick out of Mourinho, Wenger and Fergie: 'The ref is: useless/biased/unfit/a woman who doesn't understand the offside rule.'
Carlo Ancelotti: 'This is not a good time for Fernando, but Ashley and John are going to give him some tips as they know how to score on a Saturday night.'
Sunday 10 April 2011
Arsenal fans have last laugh at Spurs
Yes it's that time of the week, but what better way of ending a glorious weekend with a little chuckle at sportsmen we either don't like or just amuse us. Let the Champions see the League, sporting blog... reveal yourself!
The past week
Emmanuel Adebayor did the impossible during the week, he managed to improve his popularity with Arsenal, Man City and Real Madrid fans all at the same time, as well as all other London sides. Arsenal fans may have forgiven him a bit for leaving them for more money as he scored his 10th goal in as many matches against their North London rivals to effectively knock them out of the Champions League. Perhaps allowing him to go out on loan was part of Roberto Mancini's masterplan at gaining revenge on Spurs for pipping them to 4th place last season, but the Togolese striker will certainly be more popular now. However, City fans might be wondering why he didn't put in performances for that like them? Maybe that performance was part of his plan to get a higher pay cheque, or perhaps only Rooney and Tevez do that. It's not as if he's expressed any desire to leave... http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/africa/9448815.stm
The eternal question in football today: has Fernando Torres scored for Chelsea? For those who are unsure, there is help at hand http://hastorresscoredforchelsea.com/. It appears these days everything between Chelsea and Man City is a competition. Chelsea become the richest club in the world, Man City replace them. Chelsea buy a moaning, petulant striker (Drogba) so Man City go and buy an even more pathetic striker (Balotelli). Man City loan out a striker who has started to score (Adebayor £25m) and replace him with an even more expensive flop who hasn't scored in the league (Edin Dzeko, £27m), so Chelsea go and loan out 2 strikers who have started to score (Sturridge 6 in 8, Borini 3 in 3) and replace them with an expensive flop who hasn't scored at all (Torres £50m). Maybe that's why City were so desperate to sign Rooney, to find somebody like Ashley Cole and John Terry.
The IPL and County Championship started on Friday. One competition has seen its clubs announce combined losses of £9m in the past year and another saw Gautam Gambhir signed for $1m. You have to hand it to the Indians though. They invite the Pakistan Prime Minister over to watch his country lose to theirs, before hosting the most expensive and glamorous cricket tournament in the world and not allow any of their players to take part. Talk about winding up your opponents, it makes Australia's sledging over the years look feeble in comparison.
Flop(ianski) of the week
Inter Milan were strong contenders for losing 5-2 at home to a team who are 9th in the Bundesliga, but this week it has to be Fernando Torres. Now I know anyone can go on a goalscoring drought, but to watch him fall over under no pressure against Man United was just sad and if I'm pitying you then that says a lot. Not to mention his arm in the face of Ali Al Habsi for Chelsea's winner on Saturday, followed by yet more missed chances. I know he will turn it around soon, possibly on Tuesday, but while it lasts I'm going to enjoy laughing at him.
Hall of Lame
With the Masters on at the moment, it might seem right to mention some famous golfing chokes, but as promised, here is my favourite sporting video (so far anyway). Own goals are funny, but the commentary on this is priceless. I hope you enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbjMfBgSJiY
My sporting week
My sporting weeks are pretty much all about Fifa, but I feel no shame in mentioning my 2-1 victory over Chelsea with Forest, courtesy of a Rob Earnshaw 90th minute winner. For those who are unaware, Dele Adebola is a beast on Fifa and after a goal drought I brought the big man in and he delivered with 2 goals. After falling into the relegation zone, Adebola and Blackstock's goals have pushed me up the table after a 3-1 win over Wolves, despite having 10 men for 30 minutes. If only the real Forest could do this...
The week ahead
Champions League results:
Manchester United 1-1 Chelsea (Torres own goal, Drogba, Torres missed pen)
Shakhtar 3-3 Barcelona
Schalke 1-4 Inter (Schalke go through on away goals)
Spurs 2-3 Real Madrid (Bale 2, Adebayor 3)
The FA cup semi-final between the two Manchester clubs goes to penalties, but City win in controversial circumstances as Mario Balotelli is spotted throwing darts at Edwin Van der Sar. Balotelli becomes an overnight fan's favourite for City, but then announces he is going to leave the club unless they offer him £300,000 a week. Carlos Tevez threatens to leave if Balotelli is offered £300,000 a week and he isn't. Then Wayne Rooney threatens to leave United unless he is offered £300,000 a week.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp, on Peter Crouch: 'The kid is t'riffic, a lovely lovely lad, everyone loves him.'
Jose Mourinho, on Peter Crouch: 'When you are making Omelettes, Crouch would be the 2nd class eggs.'
Sir Alex Ferguson on the referee for the FA cup semi-final: 'Useless and biased.'
Wayne Rooney on the referee for the FA cup semi-final: 'Fucking useless.'
The past week
Emmanuel Adebayor did the impossible during the week, he managed to improve his popularity with Arsenal, Man City and Real Madrid fans all at the same time, as well as all other London sides. Arsenal fans may have forgiven him a bit for leaving them for more money as he scored his 10th goal in as many matches against their North London rivals to effectively knock them out of the Champions League. Perhaps allowing him to go out on loan was part of Roberto Mancini's masterplan at gaining revenge on Spurs for pipping them to 4th place last season, but the Togolese striker will certainly be more popular now. However, City fans might be wondering why he didn't put in performances for that like them? Maybe that performance was part of his plan to get a higher pay cheque, or perhaps only Rooney and Tevez do that. It's not as if he's expressed any desire to leave... http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/africa/9448815.stm
The eternal question in football today: has Fernando Torres scored for Chelsea? For those who are unsure, there is help at hand http://hastorresscoredforchelsea.com/. It appears these days everything between Chelsea and Man City is a competition. Chelsea become the richest club in the world, Man City replace them. Chelsea buy a moaning, petulant striker (Drogba) so Man City go and buy an even more pathetic striker (Balotelli). Man City loan out a striker who has started to score (Adebayor £25m) and replace him with an even more expensive flop who hasn't scored in the league (Edin Dzeko, £27m), so Chelsea go and loan out 2 strikers who have started to score (Sturridge 6 in 8, Borini 3 in 3) and replace them with an expensive flop who hasn't scored at all (Torres £50m). Maybe that's why City were so desperate to sign Rooney, to find somebody like Ashley Cole and John Terry.
The IPL and County Championship started on Friday. One competition has seen its clubs announce combined losses of £9m in the past year and another saw Gautam Gambhir signed for $1m. You have to hand it to the Indians though. They invite the Pakistan Prime Minister over to watch his country lose to theirs, before hosting the most expensive and glamorous cricket tournament in the world and not allow any of their players to take part. Talk about winding up your opponents, it makes Australia's sledging over the years look feeble in comparison.
Flop(ianski) of the week
Inter Milan were strong contenders for losing 5-2 at home to a team who are 9th in the Bundesliga, but this week it has to be Fernando Torres. Now I know anyone can go on a goalscoring drought, but to watch him fall over under no pressure against Man United was just sad and if I'm pitying you then that says a lot. Not to mention his arm in the face of Ali Al Habsi for Chelsea's winner on Saturday, followed by yet more missed chances. I know he will turn it around soon, possibly on Tuesday, but while it lasts I'm going to enjoy laughing at him.
Hall of Lame
With the Masters on at the moment, it might seem right to mention some famous golfing chokes, but as promised, here is my favourite sporting video (so far anyway). Own goals are funny, but the commentary on this is priceless. I hope you enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbjMfBgSJiY
My sporting week
My sporting weeks are pretty much all about Fifa, but I feel no shame in mentioning my 2-1 victory over Chelsea with Forest, courtesy of a Rob Earnshaw 90th minute winner. For those who are unaware, Dele Adebola is a beast on Fifa and after a goal drought I brought the big man in and he delivered with 2 goals. After falling into the relegation zone, Adebola and Blackstock's goals have pushed me up the table after a 3-1 win over Wolves, despite having 10 men for 30 minutes. If only the real Forest could do this...
The week ahead
Champions League results:
Manchester United 1-1 Chelsea (Torres own goal, Drogba, Torres missed pen)
Shakhtar 3-3 Barcelona
Schalke 1-4 Inter (Schalke go through on away goals)
Spurs 2-3 Real Madrid (Bale 2, Adebayor 3)
The FA cup semi-final between the two Manchester clubs goes to penalties, but City win in controversial circumstances as Mario Balotelli is spotted throwing darts at Edwin Van der Sar. Balotelli becomes an overnight fan's favourite for City, but then announces he is going to leave the club unless they offer him £300,000 a week. Carlos Tevez threatens to leave if Balotelli is offered £300,000 a week and he isn't. Then Wayne Rooney threatens to leave United unless he is offered £300,000 a week.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp, on Peter Crouch: 'The kid is t'riffic, a lovely lovely lad, everyone loves him.'
Jose Mourinho, on Peter Crouch: 'When you are making Omelettes, Crouch would be the 2nd class eggs.'
Sir Alex Ferguson on the referee for the FA cup semi-final: 'Useless and biased.'
Wayne Rooney on the referee for the FA cup semi-final: 'Fucking useless.'
Sunday 3 April 2011
Forget the football, it's more fun watching the refs
Ah yes, welcome back to the blog which aims to end your weekend in style, and cheer you up before the week ahead. This week, we will look at new developments in the football world, give some final thoughts on the Cricket World Cup and preview the Masters. And find out what is my most embarrassing sporting moment of all time and why one person loves to remind me about it even to this day.
The past week
After the midweek international fixtures, football fans were glad to see the Premier League and Championship return. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed England beating Wales and the B team playing out a thrilling 1-1 draw with a team that did better than us at the World Cup, but there is genuine excitement with just two months left of the domestic football season. For all the great moments during the first eight months of the season (my personal favourites being Forest doing the double over Derby), it all comes down to these next six or so weeks.
However, this week, the Premier League was fairly predictable: West Ham put in a shambolic defensive performance, Man United pulled off a great comeback (aided by the ref), Rooney scored, Torres didn't score and Arsenal choked again. The biggest surprise came in Spain, where Jose Mourinho lost only the second home league game of his managerial career, more than nine years after losing his first. Maybe this was part of some master plan to prevent Barcelona from ending this incredible run, but it's slightly disturbing that going into their Champions League quarter-final, Madrid were unable to beat Sporting Gijon and Spurs were unable to beat Wigan. We can only hope Ronaldo and Bale both return for the match.
The other big news in football was that the Premier League have announced that they intend to clamp down on abuse of officials next season. No, this was not an April Fool's joke, they sounded serious. Maybe, I'm just being negative (which I'm often accused of being), but I find it likelier that Ian Holloway will be the next England manager than for a revamped Respect campaign to actually work. I long for the day when Sir Alex Ferguson is forced to go in front of the BBC cameras for a post-match interview. I would not like to be the guy interviewing him, especially if they have lost and Nemanja Vidic gets sent off.
In other news, the Masters is on this week to complete my sporting week alongside the Champions League. World number two Lee Westwood must hope that the golf goes better than supporting Forest after tweeting 'I've decided that football is crap.' The beauty of golf is that anyone has a chance of winning, apart from Tiger Woods it would appear. The 14-time major winner has been written off by most experts (despite being second favourite with the bookies) and is now subject to jokes about his sex life. Apart from transforming the sport, Woods has given new meaning to the phrase 'get in the hole!' It says a lot about the intelligence of golfers that somebody willing to cheat on Elin Nordegren can be the second highest major winner of all time. This makes Woods about as clever as Ashley Cole.
The Cricket World Cup finally came to an end this week, but don't worry, the IPL will be starting again in a few days. The tournament went as many expected. India won, South Africa choked, Pakistan's fielding was awful and England flattered to deceive. If the English team hadn't been so tired and had beaten Ireland and Bangladesh, then we would have had six weeks of predictable results. In other news, Ricky Ponting resigned as Australia captain before re-iterating his desire to try and regain the Ashes in England. Ponting reminds me of a rubbish, yet heroic boxer, who keeps on taking repeated blows to the face, but refuses to throw in the towel. I for one hope Ponting is still in the Australian squad in 2013, just because I never tire of seeing him lose the plot when things aren't going his way. Hopefully he can bring Mitchell Johnson, Phillip Hughes and Xavier Doherty with him.
My sporting week
After a dramatic last week, things have quietened down for me. My sporting week was confined once again to a dramatic match on Fifa with Sam Oates. Our end of term Forest v. Wolves match was another classic. After dominating the match but finding myself 2-0 down, I scored an outrageous goal with big Wes Morgan to pull it back. After dis-possessing Ebanks-Blake in his own half, the big man ran past two Wolves players before banging one in from 25 yards. Two more goals form the goal-machine that is Dele Adebola were not enough as I went down 4-3. Fortunately, I have now the next month to practice on Fifa instead of doing my essay or revising for exams. I expect to be top of the Prem before returning to uni.
Flop(ianski) of the week
I understand there has been a Forest theme running this week, but anybody who saw the match against Leeds would understand why I am giving the award to all the officials (not just the referee). Missing two penalties and giving an extremely harsh red card ruined what was a really good match. This award could have very easily gone to Leeds manager Simon Grayson, who made a mockery of the Respect campaign by trying to get Chris Cohen sent off. However, as we have come to expect dirty tactics from Leeds (and Neil Warnock), it did not come as much of a surprise.
Hall of Lame
Number 1: The infamous 6 through the window. It was a normal summer's day at school, with the usual cricket on the yard. The wicket was a good distance away from the school building, but I suffered the humiliation of watching filthy slogger Priyan Rayatt (who featured last week), slap my bowling so hard that not only did it reach the building, but sailed through one of the windows into a classroom and almost take out one of the teachers. All this with the shoddiest plank of wood ever used as a cricket bat. It remains my most embarrassing sporting moment, although attempting to catch a ball during a game of softball and falling over a bench was a strong contender. These are not pleasant experiences.
Next week, this section will reflect on much more famous examples of sporting failures, starting with my absolute favourite sporting video of all time, but you will have to wait until then to find out what it is.
The week ahead
With referees back in the spotlight, expect much more controversy in the following week:
After Spurs win at the Bernabeu thanks to Van Der Vaart, Jose Mourinho is caught trying to break into the referee's dressing room. After being unsuccessful, he claims the ref was bribed, the match was fixed and that Adebayor was Balotelli in disguise.
The next day, David Luiz scores a last minute winner against United, despite the Reds escaping punishment for what appear to be a number of fouls in the penalty area. Fergie, though, fumes that the ref had a shocker, was unfit, was biased and worked for the BBC. Rio Ferdinand then tweeted a picture of the ref with a Chelsea shirt on.
Tiger Woods plays scintillating golf to lead the Masters going into the last nine holes, but his competitors decide to sign up a number of models and place them all over the course. Aware of this ploy, Woods battles on, but loses form dramatically as he is unable to control his nine iron (and I'm not talking about the golf club). Tom Watson capitalises on this to win on the 72nd hole.
Mario Balotelli does not travel to Anfield because it turns out he is allergic to Scousers. Instead, he travels to the Masters where he is seen chipping golf balls at spectators.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp - 'Jose is a top, top guy, a wonderful man. He's just special, his record speaks for itself, it's brilliant, he's just an outstanding coach.'
Jose Mourinho - 'The referee's a cockney.'
Sir Alex Ferguson - 'How are we meant to win anything if the referee isn't favouring us all match?'
Harry Redknapp - 'Ronaldo is a top, top striker. He's got it all, he can score with his right foot, left foot, he can head it, and he's very handsome. He's just a t'riffic footballer and a top bloke.'
Arsene Wenger - 'I feel, the spirt of the team is special, we have a unique bond that will see us win the Europa League next season, as long as we don't face Birmingham in the final.'
Wayne Rooney - 'Fucking come on'
The past week
After the midweek international fixtures, football fans were glad to see the Premier League and Championship return. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed England beating Wales and the B team playing out a thrilling 1-1 draw with a team that did better than us at the World Cup, but there is genuine excitement with just two months left of the domestic football season. For all the great moments during the first eight months of the season (my personal favourites being Forest doing the double over Derby), it all comes down to these next six or so weeks.
However, this week, the Premier League was fairly predictable: West Ham put in a shambolic defensive performance, Man United pulled off a great comeback (aided by the ref), Rooney scored, Torres didn't score and Arsenal choked again. The biggest surprise came in Spain, where Jose Mourinho lost only the second home league game of his managerial career, more than nine years after losing his first. Maybe this was part of some master plan to prevent Barcelona from ending this incredible run, but it's slightly disturbing that going into their Champions League quarter-final, Madrid were unable to beat Sporting Gijon and Spurs were unable to beat Wigan. We can only hope Ronaldo and Bale both return for the match.
The other big news in football was that the Premier League have announced that they intend to clamp down on abuse of officials next season. No, this was not an April Fool's joke, they sounded serious. Maybe, I'm just being negative (which I'm often accused of being), but I find it likelier that Ian Holloway will be the next England manager than for a revamped Respect campaign to actually work. I long for the day when Sir Alex Ferguson is forced to go in front of the BBC cameras for a post-match interview. I would not like to be the guy interviewing him, especially if they have lost and Nemanja Vidic gets sent off.
In other news, the Masters is on this week to complete my sporting week alongside the Champions League. World number two Lee Westwood must hope that the golf goes better than supporting Forest after tweeting 'I've decided that football is crap.' The beauty of golf is that anyone has a chance of winning, apart from Tiger Woods it would appear. The 14-time major winner has been written off by most experts (despite being second favourite with the bookies) and is now subject to jokes about his sex life. Apart from transforming the sport, Woods has given new meaning to the phrase 'get in the hole!' It says a lot about the intelligence of golfers that somebody willing to cheat on Elin Nordegren can be the second highest major winner of all time. This makes Woods about as clever as Ashley Cole.
The Cricket World Cup finally came to an end this week, but don't worry, the IPL will be starting again in a few days. The tournament went as many expected. India won, South Africa choked, Pakistan's fielding was awful and England flattered to deceive. If the English team hadn't been so tired and had beaten Ireland and Bangladesh, then we would have had six weeks of predictable results. In other news, Ricky Ponting resigned as Australia captain before re-iterating his desire to try and regain the Ashes in England. Ponting reminds me of a rubbish, yet heroic boxer, who keeps on taking repeated blows to the face, but refuses to throw in the towel. I for one hope Ponting is still in the Australian squad in 2013, just because I never tire of seeing him lose the plot when things aren't going his way. Hopefully he can bring Mitchell Johnson, Phillip Hughes and Xavier Doherty with him.
My sporting week
After a dramatic last week, things have quietened down for me. My sporting week was confined once again to a dramatic match on Fifa with Sam Oates. Our end of term Forest v. Wolves match was another classic. After dominating the match but finding myself 2-0 down, I scored an outrageous goal with big Wes Morgan to pull it back. After dis-possessing Ebanks-Blake in his own half, the big man ran past two Wolves players before banging one in from 25 yards. Two more goals form the goal-machine that is Dele Adebola were not enough as I went down 4-3. Fortunately, I have now the next month to practice on Fifa instead of doing my essay or revising for exams. I expect to be top of the Prem before returning to uni.
Flop(ianski) of the week
I understand there has been a Forest theme running this week, but anybody who saw the match against Leeds would understand why I am giving the award to all the officials (not just the referee). Missing two penalties and giving an extremely harsh red card ruined what was a really good match. This award could have very easily gone to Leeds manager Simon Grayson, who made a mockery of the Respect campaign by trying to get Chris Cohen sent off. However, as we have come to expect dirty tactics from Leeds (and Neil Warnock), it did not come as much of a surprise.
Hall of Lame
Number 1: The infamous 6 through the window. It was a normal summer's day at school, with the usual cricket on the yard. The wicket was a good distance away from the school building, but I suffered the humiliation of watching filthy slogger Priyan Rayatt (who featured last week), slap my bowling so hard that not only did it reach the building, but sailed through one of the windows into a classroom and almost take out one of the teachers. All this with the shoddiest plank of wood ever used as a cricket bat. It remains my most embarrassing sporting moment, although attempting to catch a ball during a game of softball and falling over a bench was a strong contender. These are not pleasant experiences.
Next week, this section will reflect on much more famous examples of sporting failures, starting with my absolute favourite sporting video of all time, but you will have to wait until then to find out what it is.
The week ahead
With referees back in the spotlight, expect much more controversy in the following week:
After Spurs win at the Bernabeu thanks to Van Der Vaart, Jose Mourinho is caught trying to break into the referee's dressing room. After being unsuccessful, he claims the ref was bribed, the match was fixed and that Adebayor was Balotelli in disguise.
The next day, David Luiz scores a last minute winner against United, despite the Reds escaping punishment for what appear to be a number of fouls in the penalty area. Fergie, though, fumes that the ref had a shocker, was unfit, was biased and worked for the BBC. Rio Ferdinand then tweeted a picture of the ref with a Chelsea shirt on.
Tiger Woods plays scintillating golf to lead the Masters going into the last nine holes, but his competitors decide to sign up a number of models and place them all over the course. Aware of this ploy, Woods battles on, but loses form dramatically as he is unable to control his nine iron (and I'm not talking about the golf club). Tom Watson capitalises on this to win on the 72nd hole.
Mario Balotelli does not travel to Anfield because it turns out he is allergic to Scousers. Instead, he travels to the Masters where he is seen chipping golf balls at spectators.
Quotes of the week
Harry Redknapp - 'Jose is a top, top guy, a wonderful man. He's just special, his record speaks for itself, it's brilliant, he's just an outstanding coach.'
Jose Mourinho - 'The referee's a cockney.'
Sir Alex Ferguson - 'How are we meant to win anything if the referee isn't favouring us all match?'
Harry Redknapp - 'Ronaldo is a top, top striker. He's got it all, he can score with his right foot, left foot, he can head it, and he's very handsome. He's just a t'riffic footballer and a top bloke.'
Arsene Wenger - 'I feel, the spirt of the team is special, we have a unique bond that will see us win the Europa League next season, as long as we don't face Birmingham in the final.'
Wayne Rooney - 'Fucking come on'
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