Hi guys and welcome to my final blog... before going on holiday. Of course sport will continue despite my absence and I will try and keep up as much as I can, but it is unlikely I will have much use of the internet. Should I be wrong then I will endeavour to get something out for you at some point.
This week I debate what has been the biggest disappointment in the last month or so: Scottish football or Indian cricket?
And we know with me there is no impartiality, so there will be a cheeky mention of the Forest-Leicester match somewhere here. I know Leicester will turn it around and get second place eventually, but until then I will enjoy myself at their expense.
Debate: what is the bigger disappointment - Scottish football or Indian cricket?
Scottish football - the arguments
It was hard watching the Hearts v. Tottenham match on Thursday not to think this was one of the most one-sided matches I had ever seen. Yes, Spurs were excellent, but the home side did not test Heurelho Gomes once inside 90 minutes and that is criminal. Rangers can forget about the Champions League for another season and might not even make the Europa League group stages after blowing a lead to lose 2-1 against Slovenian side Maribor. Celtic, meanwhile, could only draw against Swiss side Sion at home.
You might think I am being a bit harsh here, but these are not isolated incidents. Celtic and Rangers have both had relative success in the Champions League and the Ibrox club made the Uefa Cup final a few years ago, only to lose to a wealthy Zenit St. Petersburg side. However, these are now isolated incidents. Rangers were the only team to make the group stages of a European competition last season and all they could do is stick 11 men behind the ball against Man United and play for the draw. I suppose with Scottish football these days, having one striker on the pitch is a positive step.
In defence of Scottish teams, their revenue is nothing like those of the elite English clubs. Hearts have an annual turnover which is a 10th of what Spurs get. So is it no surprise that so few ever prosper in European competitions where more and more teams are owned by extremely rich individuals?
Indian cricket - the arguments
World champions, number one in the world, controllers of world cricket. These were all phrases which were associated with India when they arrived on English shores little over a month ago and apart from the middle one, they remain so today.
Even if they manage to avoid a 4-0 whitewash against England, it will probably have something to do with the rain which has blighted this Test match (or a couple of their bastmen showing great defiance). The difference with India compared to Scottish football is that this is a team at the pinnacle of sport underachieving massively in a series where they were expected to push England all the way.
With just one day in the series to go, the two people who can say they have done well are Rahul Dravid and Praveen Kumar, who has most probably ran himself into the ground after bowling 158.3 overs in 3 matches.
Cricket is a game of statistics and I could tell you how England's numbers 7-11 average higher than Indian's top 7 or show you a list of averages for the series, but that's already been reported throughout the press.
What's worse is the manner in which India have lost. Look at the way Laxman has been constantly caught trying to pull the ball, or the way Harbhajan Singh was out slogging while his side tried to save a match.
The fielding has been even worse and has made India a bit of a laughing stock. And I include in that M.S. Dhoni's wicket-keeping.
But there should be some balance to this debate. Many players had played in the World Cup, the IPL and then gone on tour to the West Indies before hurriedly flying to England. Some others though, such as Sachin Tendulkar had a rest, but like the rest of his team only had one match at Taunton to prepare for English conditions. It doesn't excuse them for how dreadful their performances have been, but they lost the early momentum which is always crucial in a Test series.
Two other factors should be explored: firstly, India have seen Zaheer Khan suffer injury and miss the whole tour which was a huge blow. And, of course, England have just been on top form. To be tired and under-prepared is bad enough, but then to face a side in their own conditions and who are on top form and playing with immense confidence is a nightmare.
The verdict
It may be harsh to call the World champions a disappointment, but I was expecting a lot more from India than I was with Scottish football teams in Europe. There were mitigating factors I must admit, but watching R.P. Singh get called up at the last minute for a Test match having played no cricket and being overweight, with Munaf Patel who had been there all tour waiting in the wings, makes you only lose respect for what is a very good side.
Sir Bobby putting us to shame
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKqxAmzjJig&feature=share
Worst pun of the week...
Steve Kean was caught drink driving - is that him doing anything for three points? Or was this his way of trying to get out of the Blackburn Rovers job. If it was the latter than he shouldn't worry, unless he starts winning soon.
Hillsborough campaign
If you have Twitter and follow a number of footballers or journalists then you will probably have seen the e-petition asking for the release of all documents relating to the Hillsborough tragedy, but still, I ask that you sign up just to let the government know that another cover-up is just not acceptable.
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/2199
Derby points challenge
It may have been a few years ago, but who could forget the pitiful 11 points Derby managed to win in an entire Premier League season. So now, I am launching the Derby points challenge to see when every team in the top flight passes that points tally. It is still early days, but I am expecting the challenge to be completed before the turn of the year. Amazingly, and annoyingly, they have already passed their own challenge after two weeks of this season.
The Bring Back Adebola Campaign
No Forest striker has scored in 4 league games, so I feel it is only right to create the Bring Back Adebola campaign. Let us not forget, the big man started on three ocassions last season and netted each time. How we could do with his predatory instincts (and sizeable assets) right now.
Confirming our suspicions
Manchester United are planning a stock flotation in Singapore. I suppose it makes sense to bring the club closer to where most of their fans live.
the you could have seen that coming award... a Real Madrid red card against Barcelona. Or should that be two? And what about Jose? I don't normally agree with Uefa, but he really is the enemy of football. Not only does he play boring football with great teams made up of hundreds of millions of pounds, but his teams cheat, constantly pressurise referees and are sore leaders. It's like a combination of Birmingham, Manchester City, Leeds and Arsenal.
Flop(ianski) of the week
He may be young and have a bad hair cut, but there isn't much excuse for Emmanuel Frimpong's dismissal. He looked like a red card waiting to happen from kick-off. He also missed his chance to earn a permanent place in the team with Alex Song injured.
But it's not him this week, oh no. A big thank you to Kasper Schmeichel for getting sent off despite not actually fouling anyone. You made my day and got Forest a point.
Hall of Lame
Ipswich Town lost 7-1 to Doncaster this weekend (following a 5-2 defeat to Southampton on Tuesday), but that must be a familiar feeling for their fans and manager. Last season, the Tractor Boys got hit for seven against Chelsea in the FA Cup third round and lost twice to Norwich City with an aggregate score of 9-2.
In 1995 they lost 9-0 away to Manchester United, with Andy Cole scoring five times.
And as for Paul Jewell, in the 2007-8 season Derby conceded six goals on four occasions and five goals on two ocassions. But there's a big difference between Liverpool and Peterborough.
Weekly predictions: Tipster v. the Selly Oak Tramp
And the one we all want to know...As expected it was a good start for the Tipster last week, as he accurately predicted how many holes Tiger Woods would hit bogey or worse. But could the SOT respond? Let's have a look at how last week's predictions panned out...
How many runs will India score in their first innings at the Oval?
Tipster: 198
Tramp: 320
Result: 300 - 1 point for Tramp
What will be the score in the Forest v. Leicester match next Saturday?
Tipster: 1-3
Tramp: 1-1
Result: 2-2 - 1 point for the Tramp
Which makes it a great turnaround from the Tramp after falling behind last week. He was closest with his cricket prediction and got the result right with the football, although he only got one point as he got the score wrong.
This week's predictions:
As I am going on holiday until September 5th, the tennis ones have to be decided a while in advance.
Who will win the US Open?
Tipster: Nadal
Tramp: Djokovic
First goal-scorer in Manchester United v. Arsenal match?
Tipster: Van Persie
Tramp: Nani
How many sets will Novak Djokovic lose in the entire two weeks at Flushing Meadows?
Tipster: 8
Tramp: 5
I wish I was a Getafe fan
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/aug/19/getafe-fans-sperm-donors
Anyone who has watched a Spanish film know that they're basically pornos anyway, but I didn't know it had forced its way into football!
Umm... ok
http://www.nottscountyfc.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10426~2424681,00.html
Maybe he should be asking for someone to stop Wes Morgan banging them in against his team
I'll be back in a few weeks. In a bit.
Sunday 21 August 2011
Sunday 14 August 2011
My week at the Test match
It has been an interesting week for me to say the least. I returned to Birmingham on Sunday evening not knowing if my new house even had electricity or running water. To my obvious relief it had both, although it took me another 24 hours to get any hot water (and seven days later I still haven't managed to get the heating on).
The reason for my return? I had been invited to be a media volunteer for the duration of the Test match. I was told to arrive on Monday morning at 8am in smart attire and stay until the match concluded, which was to be at some point during the weekend. I had no idea what to expect when I agreed to this proposition, but over the next six days I experienced a lot, both good, bad and funny which I thought I would share.
Due to my long hours at Edgbaston and only having internet for two evenings, I have struggled to follow the sporting news as I would have liked to. So instead, I will try and give you an idea of what happened during a week which saw me be shouted at by an irate Indian journalist and discuss pink shirts with Jonathan Agnew.
I hope you find it interesting and amusing even if you don't like cricket. And for football fans out there, everything will be back to normal next week, when hopefully Forest will have finally registered a league win (although the Carling Cup victory deserves great mention).
Monday
With just two days before the match was due to start, I, alongside the other five or six media volunteers who all knew each other beforehand, were given a tour around Edgbaston in order to familiarise ourselves with the place as we would be guiding journalists and photographers to the new press centre.
The Indian team had an early training session and my brief was to lead the Indian journalists to a certain entrance around the ground where they could watch and take photographs. Fortunately, most were appreciative of my assistance.
A couple came up to me asking if I could help get one of their colleagues into the ground who had not been given media accreditation, which I could not and others complained that they had to walk all the way around to reception before being guided back again. When I suggested I might have a word with the stewards I was told in no uncertain terms that I would talk to them immediately.
However, the most shocking moment of the entire week came when a small man with a big camera lens (standard) bristled up to me demanding I take him to the pitch. Although I offered to take him around, he brushed past me and tried to go through the doors nearby which I and the security guard informed him were locked. This clearly did not matter to him and he demanded I find him a way through to the pitch (although at this point he was speaking so quickly I could barely comprehend what he was saying).
After trying unsuccessfully to get him through a different entrance and telling him he had to go back, I was unleashed with a full tirade of abuse about how useless I was etc. Now normally I wouldn't take this, but as I was on strict orders to always be polite I walked him back the way we should have gone. Once again he spotted an entrance and when I again informed him that he wasn't meant to go that way, he told me to leave him alone as he stormed off with his manhood inferiority-complex of a camera. A perfect first day...
... which got better later on. At a mate's house five minutes from my own, I heard about serious rioting up the road in the city centre, which were apparently race related and on their way to Selly Oak. After several hours listening and watching the news, we finally realised that neither of those two things were true, but as it was now approaching midnight, I decided it was best not to chance it. And I got to wake up in a house which wasn't stone cold the next morning.
Tuesday
By now, my 35 minute walk each way to the ground in smart shoes I hadn't worn in a year had given me horrific blisters. But on the bright side I no longer had to deal with small, angry Indian journalists as all the press now knew where everything was.
Instead, I endured a series of briefings on what was expected of me as a volunteer etc, with the idea being that I would finish work at 11:30 and spend the rest of the day watching the cricket (sounds perfect I know).
Back at the house, after watching Role Models for the 100th time, me and Richard Ayling tuned into extra-time of the Nottingham Forest Carling Cup tie versus Notts County (more on this later). Safe to say after the events of that night, it took a while for me to calm down enough to go to sleep, which wasn't great considering my alarm was on for 5:15 am.
Wednesday
It was at about 7:45 am, standing in front of a car-park with a giant lollipop which directed the media towards the press area, when I began to regret signing up to volunteer. Standing in just a t-shirt which read: 'Can I help' (nobody decided to find out if I could), I spent the next three and a half hours shivering in the cold as the players and broadcasters walked past. On the plus side, David Gower looked at the sign which said Media entrance and had an arrow pointing them in the right direction and sarcastically added: "Well that's helpful isn't it" as he strolled on by. Still, he was the only person to even acknowledge my existence.
By now the blisters meant I could barely walk, but I got to watch the England attack race through the Indian batting line-up, before being summoned to a briefing at 5:20 where I was told one of the busiest roads had been closed off. So instead of announcing it in the stadium, they decided to send the 15 or so volunteers (more ECB ones had turned up) to man the exits and inform the 25,000 spectators. After an hour, the day's play finished and streams of supporters started to leave the ground. As now nobody could hear the lone guy in front of them trying to shout some jibberish at them, I buggered off, cursing the day I ever decided to do volunteering.
However, one guy cheered me up when he walked over and asked me where the pussy was. Clearly he doesn't know me or he wouldn't be asking.
Thursday
I was off lollipop duty and was back working for the PR team. To my relief, I was stationed inside, manning the entrance to the broadcasters entrance on the third floor, which needed someone to type in a code and make sure the door didn't slam. One highlight was Shane Warne venting his frustration (not at me) that he had to go outside the building everytime he wanted to make a call. I should also add that Liz Hurley came in at least twice during the week, although unfortunately I was not present for either occasion.
Other highlights included meeting Geoffrey Boycott who asked me how I was (I can die now) and having a pleasant exchange with Jonathan Agnew. Aggers and I were both wearing pink shirts and after two hours of not daring to talk to any of the big beasts of broadcasting (good luck saying that), I clumsily commented that I liked his choise of shirt.
Probably very startled and worried, he turned around and said, "Do you really think so?" He seemed taken aback yet pleased by the praise. I responded by saying i did, before we compared his pink shirt to mine, which was not as bright. It is the measure of the man that he felt able to have a trivial exchange with me and sound exactly like he does on the radio when talking to genuine celebrities. Still, nothing could match the yellow trousers worn by Henry Blofeld, which trumped anything else the entire week.
By now, it was established that once I was no longer needed to stand by the door, I could go up a floor to the spacious press box and watch the cricket. I was also able to enjoy the same food as the journalists, which was a sight to behold. Here is an idea of the spread the hacks could feast upon:
Breakfast: Tea, Coffee, pastries androlls filled with bacon and/or fried eggs
Lunch: Sandwiches, noodles, salad, cured meats, three potential main courses (for instance on one day there were three types of curry on offer), potatoes/rice, fruit, and an array of chocolate bars, crisps and sweets
Tea: Lots of cakes, other pastries, more chocolate
During the entire day: As many bottles of Red Bull and water as you like as well as hot drinks and biscuits
I have seen buffets in my time, but for a free day of eating and drinking you will never beat this.
He said hello and began to eat his bacon butties and read a newspaper as I waited for an opportunity to try and introduce myself. I think he found it very disconcerting that a volunteer was staring at him waiting for him to finish his sandwich, but more by luck than good judgement, I eventually started up a conversation with him which continued for 20 minutes until the day's play started.
After sleepily watching Alastair Cook compile his massive score - interrupted only by my annoyance that the umpires took the players off for bad light - I finally began to realise that the early starts and late finishes were now worth it, especially for the lunches I received.
And in my usual stint on the third floor, I saw Warney again, this time having finished a fag break while there was rain in the air, before rushing back to the studio as he realised play was about to resume and he was needed in the Sky studio. Judging by the pace he showed out of the elevator, his fitness regime is clearly working.
The banter from the crowd was quite brilliant today. They had an orange ball and an inflatable ball confiscated by officials, so as the Eric Hollies stand continually chanted, "We want our ball back," one man jumped over the advertising hoardings to re-claim the orange ball. As he was escorted off by two stewards, another guy did the same trick and picked up the now unguarded inflatable ball. Seeing that more stewards were coming to get him, he threw the ball back into the crowd and jumped over the hoardings, without realising that the ball had hit the hoardings and bounced back onto the pitch. He too was arrested and probably evicted from the ground.
As Cook approached his landmark 300, I jokingly said to the guy next to me, "What's the bet he tries to do it with a six?" having just seen Tim Bresnan reach his 50 in a similar manner. We both laughed about it, then watched in horror as he was caught just in front of the boundary moments later. Never has 6 runs in a match been so inconsequential to the overall result yet so debated.
And when Sehwag got out first ball for the second time in the match, even I was thinking that I could do a job for the Indians. I mean, could I do any worse than two first-ballers? Maybe if I ran out Tendulkar.
Saturday
There was a definitey party atmosphere in the crowd, buoyed by the fact that Warwickshire were trying to break a world record for most people in fancy dress at the same place. Of course, this led to general hilarity. There was the sight of a banana being followed into the stand by an army of ninjas. A gang of Mr Blobby's were treated to a rendition of, "Blobby! Blobby!" and one guy dressed as Spiderman got onto the top of a stand and slid down a pole, before being escorted out, to the obvious tune of, "Spiderman! Spiderman!"
On the field, India decided to come dressed as cricketers. Shame they didn't play like them. My famous ability of tempting fate struck again as I text somebody telling them Tendulkar was looking ominous at the crease. Next over, he was run-out at the non-striker's end whilst backing-up and naturally I felt like it was my fault. It's lucky I don't predict horoscopes or the weather.
With the match now finished, I got to attend the post-match press conferences where the Indian journalists tried to get Andrew Strauss to slag off their team, unsuccessfully, and the English journalists asked him if he was the best captain the world and if he and Cook were the best opening partnership in the world. There's optimistic and there's that.
So, that was it. Obviously I didn't have the time or memory to jot down everything that happened this week, but I felt it would be stupid to have experienced so much in a short period of time and not to share it.
Overall, I'd have to say it was a positive experience and it's going to be difficult to adjust to normal lunches again. Should you feel in any way remotely inspired by this story (and I can't really see why you would), then you could volunteer yourself for a Test match through the ECB. Or just hope you are good enough to one day get in the team.
Forest v. Notts County
There is nothing I can say which will do justice to this, so just watch it again, and again, and again.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/league_cup/14368484.stm
Last golf major
I have been unable to see any of the golf this week, but I looked at the leaderboard today to see the leading names were Jason Dufner, Keegan Bradley and Brendan Steele. I like to think I know what's going on in the golfing world, but seriously, who?
Flop(ianski) of the week
QPR were certainly contenders as was David de Gea, but for dropping two dollies on the second day, it has to be Rahul Dravid. The Bell one could be forgiven, but that Morgan one in the last over of the day? Sandra Redknapp and Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother could have caught that.
Hall of Lame
England are one game away from a famous whitewash against what was the number one side in the world before the series started. The most obvious whitewash to think about is in 2006/07, but we all know about that. Just as bad was the 5-0 ODI drubbing against Sri Lanka. At least Tim Bresnan has improved since then,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/5133154.stm
And of course, if we are looking at a 4-0 victory on the opening day of the season involving a newly-promoted team, then we only need to go back a year.
As for awful debuts, Jonathan Woodgate at Real Madrid would take some beating...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/4273704.stm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIzSC2PzgBQ
Weekly predictions: Tipster v. the Selly Oak Tramp
Last week's predictions:
What will be the result of the third Test match at Edgbaston?
Tipster: India
Tramp: England
Result: England
Who will win the final golf major of the year?
Tipster: McIlroy
Tramp: Westwood
Result: both are wrong (winner will not be known until later)
Who will be the first try scorer in the England v. Wales match?
Tipster: Whoever plays full-back
Result: 13
*Double bogeys only count as 1
Current score: Tipster 2-1 Tramp (Getting the one we all want to know bang-on is worth double points)
This week:
How many runs will India score in their first innings at the Oval?
Tipster: 198
Tramp: 320
What will be the score in the Forest v. Leicester match next Saturday?
Tipster: 1-3
Tramp: 1-1
The week ahead
Robin Van Persie scores for Arsenal against Udinese on Tuesday. He then announces at half-time he wants to leave.
Sachin Tendulkar gets into the 90s on the fifth day, but it starts raining and he is left stranded.
Joey Barton announces he is joining Celebrity Big Brother.
Quotes of the week
Joey Barton on Twitter - "I hate divers, but feigning injury to get someone sent off is ok #hypocrite"
Wes Morgan - "OH YEAH!"
Joey Baton on Twitter - "Commited to Newcastle cause #championsleagueherewecome"
As I said, I have been busy this week and wihout internet for much of it, so I apologise if I have missed anything out. But I would like to make the following observations...
Arsenal kept a clean-sheet - Wow
Liverpool drew at home to a mid-table team - Shocker
QPR got mauled - Hooray
Forest - Worrying
The reason for my return? I had been invited to be a media volunteer for the duration of the Test match. I was told to arrive on Monday morning at 8am in smart attire and stay until the match concluded, which was to be at some point during the weekend. I had no idea what to expect when I agreed to this proposition, but over the next six days I experienced a lot, both good, bad and funny which I thought I would share.
Due to my long hours at Edgbaston and only having internet for two evenings, I have struggled to follow the sporting news as I would have liked to. So instead, I will try and give you an idea of what happened during a week which saw me be shouted at by an irate Indian journalist and discuss pink shirts with Jonathan Agnew.
I hope you find it interesting and amusing even if you don't like cricket. And for football fans out there, everything will be back to normal next week, when hopefully Forest will have finally registered a league win (although the Carling Cup victory deserves great mention).
Monday
With just two days before the match was due to start, I, alongside the other five or six media volunteers who all knew each other beforehand, were given a tour around Edgbaston in order to familiarise ourselves with the place as we would be guiding journalists and photographers to the new press centre.
The Indian team had an early training session and my brief was to lead the Indian journalists to a certain entrance around the ground where they could watch and take photographs. Fortunately, most were appreciative of my assistance.
A couple came up to me asking if I could help get one of their colleagues into the ground who had not been given media accreditation, which I could not and others complained that they had to walk all the way around to reception before being guided back again. When I suggested I might have a word with the stewards I was told in no uncertain terms that I would talk to them immediately.
However, the most shocking moment of the entire week came when a small man with a big camera lens (standard) bristled up to me demanding I take him to the pitch. Although I offered to take him around, he brushed past me and tried to go through the doors nearby which I and the security guard informed him were locked. This clearly did not matter to him and he demanded I find him a way through to the pitch (although at this point he was speaking so quickly I could barely comprehend what he was saying).
After trying unsuccessfully to get him through a different entrance and telling him he had to go back, I was unleashed with a full tirade of abuse about how useless I was etc. Now normally I wouldn't take this, but as I was on strict orders to always be polite I walked him back the way we should have gone. Once again he spotted an entrance and when I again informed him that he wasn't meant to go that way, he told me to leave him alone as he stormed off with his manhood inferiority-complex of a camera. A perfect first day...
... which got better later on. At a mate's house five minutes from my own, I heard about serious rioting up the road in the city centre, which were apparently race related and on their way to Selly Oak. After several hours listening and watching the news, we finally realised that neither of those two things were true, but as it was now approaching midnight, I decided it was best not to chance it. And I got to wake up in a house which wasn't stone cold the next morning.
Tuesday
By now, my 35 minute walk each way to the ground in smart shoes I hadn't worn in a year had given me horrific blisters. But on the bright side I no longer had to deal with small, angry Indian journalists as all the press now knew where everything was.
Instead, I endured a series of briefings on what was expected of me as a volunteer etc, with the idea being that I would finish work at 11:30 and spend the rest of the day watching the cricket (sounds perfect I know).
Back at the house, after watching Role Models for the 100th time, me and Richard Ayling tuned into extra-time of the Nottingham Forest Carling Cup tie versus Notts County (more on this later). Safe to say after the events of that night, it took a while for me to calm down enough to go to sleep, which wasn't great considering my alarm was on for 5:15 am.
Wednesday
It was at about 7:45 am, standing in front of a car-park with a giant lollipop which directed the media towards the press area, when I began to regret signing up to volunteer. Standing in just a t-shirt which read: 'Can I help' (nobody decided to find out if I could), I spent the next three and a half hours shivering in the cold as the players and broadcasters walked past. On the plus side, David Gower looked at the sign which said Media entrance and had an arrow pointing them in the right direction and sarcastically added: "Well that's helpful isn't it" as he strolled on by. Still, he was the only person to even acknowledge my existence.
By now the blisters meant I could barely walk, but I got to watch the England attack race through the Indian batting line-up, before being summoned to a briefing at 5:20 where I was told one of the busiest roads had been closed off. So instead of announcing it in the stadium, they decided to send the 15 or so volunteers (more ECB ones had turned up) to man the exits and inform the 25,000 spectators. After an hour, the day's play finished and streams of supporters started to leave the ground. As now nobody could hear the lone guy in front of them trying to shout some jibberish at them, I buggered off, cursing the day I ever decided to do volunteering.
However, one guy cheered me up when he walked over and asked me where the pussy was. Clearly he doesn't know me or he wouldn't be asking.
Thursday
I was off lollipop duty and was back working for the PR team. To my relief, I was stationed inside, manning the entrance to the broadcasters entrance on the third floor, which needed someone to type in a code and make sure the door didn't slam. One highlight was Shane Warne venting his frustration (not at me) that he had to go outside the building everytime he wanted to make a call. I should also add that Liz Hurley came in at least twice during the week, although unfortunately I was not present for either occasion.
Other highlights included meeting Geoffrey Boycott who asked me how I was (I can die now) and having a pleasant exchange with Jonathan Agnew. Aggers and I were both wearing pink shirts and after two hours of not daring to talk to any of the big beasts of broadcasting (good luck saying that), I clumsily commented that I liked his choise of shirt.
Probably very startled and worried, he turned around and said, "Do you really think so?" He seemed taken aback yet pleased by the praise. I responded by saying i did, before we compared his pink shirt to mine, which was not as bright. It is the measure of the man that he felt able to have a trivial exchange with me and sound exactly like he does on the radio when talking to genuine celebrities. Still, nothing could match the yellow trousers worn by Henry Blofeld, which trumped anything else the entire week.
By now, it was established that once I was no longer needed to stand by the door, I could go up a floor to the spacious press box and watch the cricket. I was also able to enjoy the same food as the journalists, which was a sight to behold. Here is an idea of the spread the hacks could feast upon:
Breakfast: Tea, Coffee, pastries androlls filled with bacon and/or fried eggs
Lunch: Sandwiches, noodles, salad, cured meats, three potential main courses (for instance on one day there were three types of curry on offer), potatoes/rice, fruit, and an array of chocolate bars, crisps and sweets
Tea: Lots of cakes, other pastries, more chocolate
During the entire day: As many bottles of Red Bull and water as you like as well as hot drinks and biscuits
I have seen buffets in my time, but for a free day of eating and drinking you will never beat this.
This is a picture of tea on the final day. Sorry, this is only half of tea, the rest of it couldn't be fit in
Friday
Feeling like a failure for having only talked to one journalist despite spending plenty of time in the press area, I decided I would try my luck should an opportunity arise. As I sad down at breakfast, having a pastry and reading a newspaper, I was joined by Martin Samuel, chief sports writer at the Daily Mail and the current Sports Writer of the Year.
Friday
Feeling like a failure for having only talked to one journalist despite spending plenty of time in the press area, I decided I would try my luck should an opportunity arise. As I sad down at breakfast, having a pastry and reading a newspaper, I was joined by Martin Samuel, chief sports writer at the Daily Mail and the current Sports Writer of the Year.
He said hello and began to eat his bacon butties and read a newspaper as I waited for an opportunity to try and introduce myself. I think he found it very disconcerting that a volunteer was staring at him waiting for him to finish his sandwich, but more by luck than good judgement, I eventually started up a conversation with him which continued for 20 minutes until the day's play started.
It's certainly an eye-opener when you meet one of the top brass in any profession and I felt a little bit embarrassed when he said half-way through that he didn't even know my name, which was to prove a point. Point well-made I thought.
After sleepily watching Alastair Cook compile his massive score - interrupted only by my annoyance that the umpires took the players off for bad light - I finally began to realise that the early starts and late finishes were now worth it, especially for the lunches I received.
And in my usual stint on the third floor, I saw Warney again, this time having finished a fag break while there was rain in the air, before rushing back to the studio as he realised play was about to resume and he was needed in the Sky studio. Judging by the pace he showed out of the elevator, his fitness regime is clearly working.
The banter from the crowd was quite brilliant today. They had an orange ball and an inflatable ball confiscated by officials, so as the Eric Hollies stand continually chanted, "We want our ball back," one man jumped over the advertising hoardings to re-claim the orange ball. As he was escorted off by two stewards, another guy did the same trick and picked up the now unguarded inflatable ball. Seeing that more stewards were coming to get him, he threw the ball back into the crowd and jumped over the hoardings, without realising that the ball had hit the hoardings and bounced back onto the pitch. He too was arrested and probably evicted from the ground.
As Cook approached his landmark 300, I jokingly said to the guy next to me, "What's the bet he tries to do it with a six?" having just seen Tim Bresnan reach his 50 in a similar manner. We both laughed about it, then watched in horror as he was caught just in front of the boundary moments later. Never has 6 runs in a match been so inconsequential to the overall result yet so debated.
And when Sehwag got out first ball for the second time in the match, even I was thinking that I could do a job for the Indians. I mean, could I do any worse than two first-ballers? Maybe if I ran out Tendulkar.
Saturday
There was a definitey party atmosphere in the crowd, buoyed by the fact that Warwickshire were trying to break a world record for most people in fancy dress at the same place. Of course, this led to general hilarity. There was the sight of a banana being followed into the stand by an army of ninjas. A gang of Mr Blobby's were treated to a rendition of, "Blobby! Blobby!" and one guy dressed as Spiderman got onto the top of a stand and slid down a pole, before being escorted out, to the obvious tune of, "Spiderman! Spiderman!"
On the field, India decided to come dressed as cricketers. Shame they didn't play like them. My famous ability of tempting fate struck again as I text somebody telling them Tendulkar was looking ominous at the crease. Next over, he was run-out at the non-striker's end whilst backing-up and naturally I felt like it was my fault. It's lucky I don't predict horoscopes or the weather.
With the match now finished, I got to attend the post-match press conferences where the Indian journalists tried to get Andrew Strauss to slag off their team, unsuccessfully, and the English journalists asked him if he was the best captain the world and if he and Cook were the best opening partnership in the world. There's optimistic and there's that.
So, that was it. Obviously I didn't have the time or memory to jot down everything that happened this week, but I felt it would be stupid to have experienced so much in a short period of time and not to share it.
Overall, I'd have to say it was a positive experience and it's going to be difficult to adjust to normal lunches again. Should you feel in any way remotely inspired by this story (and I can't really see why you would), then you could volunteer yourself for a Test match through the ECB. Or just hope you are good enough to one day get in the team.
Forest v. Notts County
There is nothing I can say which will do justice to this, so just watch it again, and again, and again.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/league_cup/14368484.stm
Last golf major
I have been unable to see any of the golf this week, but I looked at the leaderboard today to see the leading names were Jason Dufner, Keegan Bradley and Brendan Steele. I like to think I know what's going on in the golfing world, but seriously, who?
Flop(ianski) of the week
QPR were certainly contenders as was David de Gea, but for dropping two dollies on the second day, it has to be Rahul Dravid. The Bell one could be forgiven, but that Morgan one in the last over of the day? Sandra Redknapp and Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother could have caught that.
Hall of Lame
England are one game away from a famous whitewash against what was the number one side in the world before the series started. The most obvious whitewash to think about is in 2006/07, but we all know about that. Just as bad was the 5-0 ODI drubbing against Sri Lanka. At least Tim Bresnan has improved since then,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/5133154.stm
And of course, if we are looking at a 4-0 victory on the opening day of the season involving a newly-promoted team, then we only need to go back a year.
As for awful debuts, Jonathan Woodgate at Real Madrid would take some beating...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/4273704.stm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIzSC2PzgBQ
Weekly predictions: Tipster v. the Selly Oak Tramp
Last week's predictions:
What will be the result of the third Test match at Edgbaston?
Tipster: India
Tramp: England
Result: England
Who will win the final golf major of the year?
Tipster: McIlroy
Tramp: Westwood
Result: both are wrong (winner will not be known until later)
Who will be the first try scorer in the England v. Wales match?
Tipster: Whoever plays full-back
Tramp: Banahan
Result: Hook
And the one we all want to know...
Result: Hook
And the one we all want to know...
How many bogeys will Tiger Woods hit?*
Tipster:13
Tramp:11Result: 13
*Double bogeys only count as 1
Current score: Tipster 2-1 Tramp (Getting the one we all want to know bang-on is worth double points)
This week:
How many runs will India score in their first innings at the Oval?
Tipster: 198
Tramp: 320
What will be the score in the Forest v. Leicester match next Saturday?
Tipster: 1-3
Tramp: 1-1
The week ahead
Robin Van Persie scores for Arsenal against Udinese on Tuesday. He then announces at half-time he wants to leave.
Sachin Tendulkar gets into the 90s on the fifth day, but it starts raining and he is left stranded.
Joey Barton announces he is joining Celebrity Big Brother.
Quotes of the week
Joey Barton on Twitter - "I hate divers, but feigning injury to get someone sent off is ok #hypocrite"
Wes Morgan - "OH YEAH!"
Joey Baton on Twitter - "Commited to Newcastle cause #championsleagueherewecome"
As I said, I have been busy this week and wihout internet for much of it, so I apologise if I have missed anything out. But I would like to make the following observations...
Arsenal kept a clean-sheet - Wow
Liverpool drew at home to a mid-table team - Shocker
QPR got mauled - Hooray
Forest - Worrying
Clasico number one of the season is starting now. Enjoy!
Saturday 6 August 2011
Season predictions time
After more than two months of the summer and wondering what if Rob Eanshaw hadn't hit the post, it's finally time to say welcome back to league football. As it is every year, we pin our hopes high on somehow achieving promotion, only to start with a 0-0 (as we always seem to do).
In this edition, we have season predictions from our three pundits and I will introduce a weekly contest which will keep you engrossed (and warm) through the winter months. If that isn't enough, we have the usual random chat to try and keep you amused. I hope you enjoy!
Everybody...
wants to leave Newcastle. First it was Jose Enrique and now Joey Barton has forced his way out after he as well used twitter to slag off the management. Funnily enough they are going to ban it now. Barton decided to tell us that he was being allowed to leave, then was training by himself, then was being fined two weeks wages. But he decided to take it out on us by giving us a philosophy lesson on twitter. Apparently, not putting out a cigar in somebody's eye wasn't something he thought about sharing with us.
Everybody...
hates living in Manchester. First we had Carlos 'I wouldn't go there on holiday' Tevez slagging it off, then we had Mairo Balotelli complaining about it (although I believe his comments were taken out of context). Nemanja Vidic also said how it rained a lot when he first arrived here. Maybe that's why Sir Alex Ferguson is always scowling then.
Stoke City... have declared their interest in signing Nicklas Bendtner. In other news, the odds on them being relegated have dramatically shortened.
2:30pm... "Can't wait for the new season to begin." Safe to say I wasn't feeling as optimistic after the match, although the first game back doesn't really tell you anything.
One thing I would just like to point out is: West Ham - Carew, Leicester - Nugent, Forest - McGoldrick. Just saying.
Hall of Lame
Worst opening day defeat? Look no further than two years ago. Norwich City 1-7 Colchester.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvxi4FDZYRs
Would have been funny if they weren't now a division above Forest.
Ben Foster - Flop of the week
"At the moment, I play my club football, I go home and have time with my family. That's absolutely brilliant. That's how I operate best as a footballer.
"But if something does happen to Joe [Hart], and the manager gives me a call and says 'we're desperate for you to come back in' then I can consider it. I can always consider it."
So basically, you retired from playing for your country because you were fed up of being a number 2, but if suddenly the guy who is better than you gets hurt you think it's fine to just rock up and play. Let us hope Joe Hart never gets injured or dropped then.
Goal-less wonders
Congratulations to the England under-20s who epitomised the art of sexy football by qualifying for the knock-out stages of their World Cup... without a goal being scored in any of their matches. They've been following the Paraguay school of how to win without actually winning, or if Carlsberg did 0-0s...
Fifa joy
I'd gone three weeks without playing on Fifa due to being away, but I returned with the season in February and my bid for Premier League glory hitting a stumbling block. I got through to May, and after a 4-4 draw against Manchester United, I went into the final match against Manchester City, who were 3 points above me, but with an inferior goal difference, knowing I could clinch the title by winning at their stadium.
To say the match was dramatic would be an understatement. An early goal for me was cancelled out soon after. Into the second half, City piled on the pressure, hitting the woodwork, before Carlos Tevez went through on goal, only to be denied by Shay Given (who I signed from them). After the save, I went straight to the other end and scored through Manfredini (a 200lbs beastly black man) to make it 2-1.
Then in stoppage time, City hit the beans on toast (the post) and aftet a mad scramble in the box I somehow got the ball clear and the ref blew his whistle for full-time. Incredibly, as I celebrated my famous victory (which goes down alongside Arsenal's 2-0 win over Liverpool in 1989), I saw the City players were celebrating and mine look dejected. I was fearing the worst, but once the match was finished I checked the table and saw I had indeed come first. Somehow.
Season predictions
Here are the predictions of our three "pundits" this year: myself, Richard 'Dick' Ayling and Fraser 'Pub Quiz' Kesteven. We will reveal the winner at the end of the season, although I may give updates at certain intervals.
As for the points system, there's 1 point for a correct answer. For those where there is one more than answer (e.g. 3 relegated teams) then it is 1 point per correct team and for guessing a number (e.g. number of Torres goals) then it is closest who wins. League goals only.
Premier League winner:
JL: Man U
FK: Man U
RA: Man U
Rest of top 4:
JL: Man City, Chelsea, Liverpool
FK: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal
RA: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal
Relegated teams:
JL: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
FK: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
RA: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
Top goal-scorer:
JL: Rooney
FK: Rooney
RA: Rooney
Number of Fernando Torres goals:
JL: 10
FK: 15
RA: 10
Number of Mario Balotelli goals:
JL: 12
FK: 10
RA: 6
Number of Emile Heskey goals:
JL: 4
FK: 1
RA: 3
Number of games Arsenal let a lead slip:
JL: 6
FK: 4
RA: 6
Norwich overall goal-difference:
JL: -15
FK: -28
RA: -21
First managerial casualty:
JL: Alex McLeish
FK: Neil Warnock (JL - hope he's right)
RA: Steve Kean
FA Cup winner:
JL: Spurs
FK: Chelsea
RA: Chelsea
League Cup winner:
JL: Liverpool
FK: Man U
RA: Man City
Champions League winner:
JL: Real Madrid
FK: Barcelona
RA: Barcelona
Europa League winner:
JL: PSG
FK: Liverpool (JL - should be docked a point for being ignorant)
RA: Sevilla
Top 2 in Championship:
JL: West Ham, Leicester
FK: West Ham, Leicester
RA: West Ham, Leicester
Forest overall position:
JL: 5th
FK: 5th
RA: 4th
Forest top scorer:
JL: Lewis McGugan
FK: Marcus Tudgay
RA: Robbie Findley
Dele Adebola goals:
JL: 3
FK: 1
RA: 3
Nathan Tyson goals:
JL: 10 (I'm relying on him playing 30 games otherwise this will be wrong)
FK: 4
RA: 2
League 1 winner:
JL: Huddersfield
FK: Carlisle (JL - who were beaten 3-0 at home by Notts County. Fraser should definitely be docked a point now)
RA: Huddersfield
League 2 winner:
JL: Shrewsbury
FK: Northampton
RA: Crawley
Blue Square Prem winner:
JL: Luton
FK: Cambridge (JL - Cramp would be happy)
RA: Luton
And there's more...
As we can't wait until May to see who's the Messi and Bramble of footballing knowledge, we will have a weekly contest. Let me introduce you to:
The Tipster v. The Selly Oak Tramp
We know who the tipster is (Sam Travell), but how will his knowledge be tested against the anonymous tramp? Will the man with the betting know-how emerge triumphant, or will the SOT surprise us all and make Travell look village?
This will be a contest which involves all sports, so some weeks neither will win and on other occasions there will be more than one point available. The victor will be crowned (not literally) in May.
As it's the first week, we will give both players a chance to get on the score-board. The questions are:
What will be the result of the third Test match at Edgbaston?
Tipster: India
Tramp: England
Who will win the final golf major of the year?
Tipster: McIlroy
Tramp: Westwood
Who will be the first try scorer in the England v. Wales match?
Tipster: Whoever plays full-back (JL - will allow this for once because anybody could be playing)
Tramp: Banahan
And the one we all want to know...
How many bogeys will Tiger Woods hit?*
Tipster: 13
Tramp: 11
*Double bogeys only count as 1
P.S. Because of return to Birmingham this evening, the blog was completed on Saturday evening, so anything which happened today has had to be ignored. Hopefully, there is electricity in my house but either way I will get the blog out next week in some capacity. I apologise of course.
In this edition, we have season predictions from our three pundits and I will introduce a weekly contest which will keep you engrossed (and warm) through the winter months. If that isn't enough, we have the usual random chat to try and keep you amused. I hope you enjoy!
Everybody...
wants to leave Newcastle. First it was Jose Enrique and now Joey Barton has forced his way out after he as well used twitter to slag off the management. Funnily enough they are going to ban it now. Barton decided to tell us that he was being allowed to leave, then was training by himself, then was being fined two weeks wages. But he decided to take it out on us by giving us a philosophy lesson on twitter. Apparently, not putting out a cigar in somebody's eye wasn't something he thought about sharing with us.
Everybody...
hates living in Manchester. First we had Carlos 'I wouldn't go there on holiday' Tevez slagging it off, then we had Mairo Balotelli complaining about it (although I believe his comments were taken out of context). Nemanja Vidic also said how it rained a lot when he first arrived here. Maybe that's why Sir Alex Ferguson is always scowling then.
Stoke City... have declared their interest in signing Nicklas Bendtner. In other news, the odds on them being relegated have dramatically shortened.
2:30pm... "Can't wait for the new season to begin." Safe to say I wasn't feeling as optimistic after the match, although the first game back doesn't really tell you anything.
One thing I would just like to point out is: West Ham - Carew, Leicester - Nugent, Forest - McGoldrick. Just saying.
Hall of Lame
Worst opening day defeat? Look no further than two years ago. Norwich City 1-7 Colchester.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvxi4FDZYRs
Would have been funny if they weren't now a division above Forest.
Ben Foster - Flop of the week
"At the moment, I play my club football, I go home and have time with my family. That's absolutely brilliant. That's how I operate best as a footballer.
"But if something does happen to Joe [Hart], and the manager gives me a call and says 'we're desperate for you to come back in' then I can consider it. I can always consider it."
So basically, you retired from playing for your country because you were fed up of being a number 2, but if suddenly the guy who is better than you gets hurt you think it's fine to just rock up and play. Let us hope Joe Hart never gets injured or dropped then.
Goal-less wonders
Congratulations to the England under-20s who epitomised the art of sexy football by qualifying for the knock-out stages of their World Cup... without a goal being scored in any of their matches. They've been following the Paraguay school of how to win without actually winning, or if Carlsberg did 0-0s...
Fifa joy
I'd gone three weeks without playing on Fifa due to being away, but I returned with the season in February and my bid for Premier League glory hitting a stumbling block. I got through to May, and after a 4-4 draw against Manchester United, I went into the final match against Manchester City, who were 3 points above me, but with an inferior goal difference, knowing I could clinch the title by winning at their stadium.
To say the match was dramatic would be an understatement. An early goal for me was cancelled out soon after. Into the second half, City piled on the pressure, hitting the woodwork, before Carlos Tevez went through on goal, only to be denied by Shay Given (who I signed from them). After the save, I went straight to the other end and scored through Manfredini (a 200lbs beastly black man) to make it 2-1.
Then in stoppage time, City hit the beans on toast (the post) and aftet a mad scramble in the box I somehow got the ball clear and the ref blew his whistle for full-time. Incredibly, as I celebrated my famous victory (which goes down alongside Arsenal's 2-0 win over Liverpool in 1989), I saw the City players were celebrating and mine look dejected. I was fearing the worst, but once the match was finished I checked the table and saw I had indeed come first. Somehow.
Season predictions
Here are the predictions of our three "pundits" this year: myself, Richard 'Dick' Ayling and Fraser 'Pub Quiz' Kesteven. We will reveal the winner at the end of the season, although I may give updates at certain intervals.
As for the points system, there's 1 point for a correct answer. For those where there is one more than answer (e.g. 3 relegated teams) then it is 1 point per correct team and for guessing a number (e.g. number of Torres goals) then it is closest who wins. League goals only.
Premier League winner:
JL: Man U
FK: Man U
RA: Man U
Rest of top 4:
JL: Man City, Chelsea, Liverpool
FK: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal
RA: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal
Relegated teams:
JL: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
FK: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
RA: Norwich, Wigan, Swansea
Top goal-scorer:
JL: Rooney
FK: Rooney
RA: Rooney
Number of Fernando Torres goals:
JL: 10
FK: 15
RA: 10
Number of Mario Balotelli goals:
JL: 12
FK: 10
RA: 6
Number of Emile Heskey goals:
JL: 4
FK: 1
RA: 3
Number of games Arsenal let a lead slip:
JL: 6
FK: 4
RA: 6
Norwich overall goal-difference:
JL: -15
FK: -28
RA: -21
First managerial casualty:
JL: Alex McLeish
FK: Neil Warnock (JL - hope he's right)
RA: Steve Kean
FA Cup winner:
JL: Spurs
FK: Chelsea
RA: Chelsea
League Cup winner:
JL: Liverpool
FK: Man U
RA: Man City
Champions League winner:
JL: Real Madrid
FK: Barcelona
RA: Barcelona
Europa League winner:
JL: PSG
FK: Liverpool (JL - should be docked a point for being ignorant)
RA: Sevilla
Top 2 in Championship:
JL: West Ham, Leicester
FK: West Ham, Leicester
RA: West Ham, Leicester
Forest overall position:
JL: 5th
FK: 5th
RA: 4th
Forest top scorer:
JL: Lewis McGugan
FK: Marcus Tudgay
RA: Robbie Findley
Dele Adebola goals:
JL: 3
FK: 1
RA: 3
Nathan Tyson goals:
JL: 10 (I'm relying on him playing 30 games otherwise this will be wrong)
FK: 4
RA: 2
League 1 winner:
JL: Huddersfield
FK: Carlisle (JL - who were beaten 3-0 at home by Notts County. Fraser should definitely be docked a point now)
RA: Huddersfield
League 2 winner:
JL: Shrewsbury
FK: Northampton
RA: Crawley
Blue Square Prem winner:
JL: Luton
FK: Cambridge (JL - Cramp would be happy)
RA: Luton
And there's more...
As we can't wait until May to see who's the Messi and Bramble of footballing knowledge, we will have a weekly contest. Let me introduce you to:
The Tipster v. The Selly Oak Tramp
We know who the tipster is (Sam Travell), but how will his knowledge be tested against the anonymous tramp? Will the man with the betting know-how emerge triumphant, or will the SOT surprise us all and make Travell look village?
This will be a contest which involves all sports, so some weeks neither will win and on other occasions there will be more than one point available. The victor will be crowned (not literally) in May.
As it's the first week, we will give both players a chance to get on the score-board. The questions are:
What will be the result of the third Test match at Edgbaston?
Tipster: India
Tramp: England
Who will win the final golf major of the year?
Tipster: McIlroy
Tramp: Westwood
Who will be the first try scorer in the England v. Wales match?
Tipster: Whoever plays full-back (JL - will allow this for once because anybody could be playing)
Tramp: Banahan
And the one we all want to know...
How many bogeys will Tiger Woods hit?*
Tipster: 13
Tramp: 11
*Double bogeys only count as 1
P.S. Because of return to Birmingham this evening, the blog was completed on Saturday evening, so anything which happened today has had to be ignored. Hopefully, there is electricity in my house but either way I will get the blog out next week in some capacity. I apologise of course.
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