Summer of Sport: August 12-18

Monday

Yes... yes... yes! All done, finished, over, terminado. The Ashes have been won, Australia have collapsed once again and the proper celebrations can begin.

What to make of the final day? At 100-0 I thought Australia were strong favourites, but fortunately the middle order once more folded like a pull-out sofa when Michael Clarke was dismissed. I'm not one to feel sorry for the opposition, but Clarke does seem to be getting some jaffas in this series.

Man of the moment was Stuart Broad who steamed in and got his rewards. This is why in England I don't think you can drop Broad; he always seems to have one match winning performance in him, just like Kevin Pietersen. Away from home it might be a different matter, but in England you expect him to deliver at some point in a series. Predictably, having spent all last summer slagging him off, Piers Morgan then decided to try and suck up to him as he does best which slightly spoiled the mood.

The comedy moment of the day came when the Honey Monster (no not Sam Travell) was being chased around the ground.

Some good news as well for Arsenal fans with Marouane Chamakh leaving. The same man who scored in six consecutive Champions League matches. Funny how things work out.

Tuesday

Good news for England fans, we finally won a match. Ok it was the under-21s and it was against Scotland but it still counts. The 6-0 thumping shows that our rivals up north are even more of an embarrassment than we are, typified by the howler from Scotland goalkeeper Jordan Archer in the build up for Connor Wickham's goal. If we don't qualify for Brazil then at least Roy Hodgson has a new job ready for him.

Wednesday

Luis Suarez says he now wants to stay at Liverpool. I'm going back to bed.

An England-Scotland match for football is the equivalent of a Stoke-Hull game... for football. Still, at least this match had goals. Ok, let's be honest, the only good thing was Rickie Lambert scoring, proving that England have no need to worry about qualifying for next summer's World Cup (unless Fifa move it to winter at the last minute) and will be clear favourites to lift the trophy.

International fixtures obviously do not whet the appetite compared to a normal league weekend but there were a few matches which caught the eye. Firstly, well done to Northern Ireland for finally winning a match after they beat Russia 1-0. On top of that, if you get a chance I'd recommend watching highlights of Bosnia 3-4 USA and Paraguay 3-3 Germany. Not to mention Zlatan bagged another hat-trick. Just the three this time though.

Thursday

Arsene Wenger says Arsenal will sign players during the transfer window. I'm going back to bed.

Friday

Richard Scudamore says Premier League players' behaviour has improved. Seriously?!

Luis Suarez now wants to stay. Seriously? Just piss off already.

Thank goodness for Mo winning again

Saturday

What a day. The start of the Premier League began in style with a surprisingly entertaining 1-0 win for Liverpool over Stoke where Jonathan Walters missed another penalty and had his wikipedia entry changed as a result. This is the same Walters who last season scored two own goals and missed a penalty in the same match... and was in my fantasy team. I know what you're thinking, Jon Walters really?! But he was put down as a midfielder and he played every match so I thought it wasn't a bad choice.

If Walters had scored that it would been the biggest Kimstevening of a draw I've seen in a while with Liverpool peppering the Stoke goal all game. My prediction of Stoke being relegated looks good on the back of that woeful performance which Tony Pulis in the BT Sport studio would not have settled for.

However, I'm starting to regret not putting Liverpool to get fourth. I assumed Luis Suarez would be leaving which would counter the decent summer signings they made. However, the prospect of Suarez being added to this side is a little worrying. In addition, I was convinced Arsenal would sign two or three decent players and become slightly stronger. WRONG. Enjoy your season Arsene.

The image of the day was Philippe Coutinho standing up to Steven N'Zonzi but that was topped by the photo of Wayne Rooney waiting for a mate (https://twitter.com/ESPNUK/status/369027580092899328/photo/1)

Even better, one Norwich fan decided to dissuade fears that people from the city have certain genetic disorders by proving just how clever football fans are when abusing the opposition players http://blog.paddypower.com/2013/08/17/gif-norwich-fan-makes-worlds-longest-wnker-gesture/?AFF_ID=16562

Elsewhere, Forest won again, something I won't be saying again for a while with away trips to Watford and Wigan to end the month.

If the football wasn't enough (and I have barely touched upon it, especially RVP) then Twenty20 finals day wasn't bad either. After Northants dispatched Essex and pre-tournament favourites Hampshire lost to Surrey, we finally got to the final.

Now, this has to go down as one of the most one-sided finals ever but it was still well worth a watch with David Willey (no not he of Lillee, caught Dilly, bowled Willey fame) smashing the Surrey attack everywhere. Once he was out he was interviewed in the dug-out where he admitted to not liking Jade Dernbach which was convenient as he became Willey's hat-trick victim and last man out as Northants romped to victory.

The final was noticeable for two other things: Surrey's Gary Wilson getting cheered whenever he touched the ball and Paul Allott saying 'spit or...' before realising what he had done. Even worse, he could be heard off-mic moments later telling a co-commentator how he was about to say 'spit or swallow' before stopping himself.

If that was not enough, John Isner defeated Delpo to meet Rafa Nadal in the Cincinnati finals, Europe stormed into a 10.5/5.5 lead in the Solheim Cup, Australia lost again (this time at Rugby Union and against New Zealand) and Usain Bolt won the 200m.

Thank you Saturday

Sunday

Sunday could not match the exploits of Saturday but there were wins for Tottenham and Chelsea and at half-time Barcelona were 6-0 up on Levante with Iniesta and Neymar on the bench. All they need now is Andy Reid and their forward line will be complete.

Ian Holloway complained about the penalty awarded for Spurs against his Crystal Palace side, stating that some clubs gets penalties and others don't. Alongside his quotes was a graphic from the BBC Sport team which said that Tottenham did not receive a penalty at all last season.

Wins yet again for Nadal and Bolt but, more brilliantly, for Europe's Solheim Cup team who absolutely spanked the US 18-10 in their own patch. I'm sure Ian Poulter would have been happy to see the American crowd silenced.

Oh, and the men's 4x100m team were disqualified again. They're making Blackburn look respectable.

Meanwhile...

Tweet of the Week: Billy Davies took over his adviser's Twitter account for one hour and when asked why he replied to himself in the third person he replied - 'Because Billy Davies is happy that way lol'

Picture of the Week: Arsene Wenger spotted at the Solheim Cup - https://twitter.com/skinnywray/status/368410192720822272/photo/1

Match of the Week: I would love to have seen what this pitch was like. Must have been an absolute Jordan Rhodes http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/630767.html

More good work from Paddy Power who sponsored non-league side Farnborough and got their players to change their names to the greatest footballers of all time even though the non-league officials did their best to stifle it - http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/4160/extra-time/2013/08/12/4181922/extra-time-non-league-farnborough-sign-messi-pele-and

Two things from last week which I shamefully forgot to mention. First is news that Dale Steyn is featuring in an Adam Sandler film http://sports.ndtv.com/cricket/features/211932-lights-camera-and-dale-steyn-in-action-pacer-in-hollywood-film-with-adam-sandler

Second, Chesterfield's Gary Roberts somehow escaped a booking for pulling down an opponent's shorts right in front of the referee - http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/watch-chesterfields-cheeky-gary-robert-2151755

Comedy moment of the Week: I'm sure you have all seen it but here is Sky Sports' Nick Collins falling over. It shouldn't be funny when you know it's coming, but it still is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emyu6kDnSKw

Article of the Week: Robbie Savage explains 11 ways that footballers can get a transfer which they want, including not trying during a match, ringing up the chairman in the evening and getting a cameraman to pretend he was training on his own. All of which he did. And to think he was not a crowd favourite - http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23703265

Rumours abounding that the hugely successful PGA Tour is looking to buy the slowly deteriorating European Tour. Wouldn't that be like the Premier League buying up Scottish football?

The Leroy Rosenior award for the shortest time in the job goes to: Jimmy Connors who managed one match as Maria Sharapova's coach before departing

Kimstevening of the Week: Ok, it was only for a draw and not to win so it cannot be a full Kimstevening. But well done Ajaccio who went to PSG and came out with a point. A few statistics for you according to one source, with others having a slight variation - PSG had 77% possession, 39 goal attempts (with 17 on target) whilst Ajaccio had one shot on goal and scored. Seeing as the visitors have Ronald Zubar and Adrian Mutu in their team with Fabrizio Ravanelli as manager, I might be supporting them this season in Ligue 1

Sport next week...

Football, more football and more football, as well as The Ashes. Will be interesting to see how Arsenal fare against Fenerbahce and Forest are on Sky against Watford on Sunday, kick-off 1:15. Also, the first tournament of the FedExCup begins on the PGA Tour this week