Hola and welcome to my attempt to redeem myself for my inadequate effort with last week's blog. In my defence, my family were round and I hadn't seen my nephew in a couple of months, so I decided to use material which I was planning to post earlier in the week but hadn't got round to. Poor excuse I know. So this week I have gone down a tried and trusted method to getting you back on my side: slagging off Chelsea and making lots of sexist comments (some of which are deserved, some maybe aren't).
And look out for a special next week, as tennis lover, future boyfriend of Ana Ivanovic and future husband of Laura Robson, Sam Travell gives us his top 10 on women tennis players. And here's a clue, expect Kournikova ahead of Navratilova. Should he fail to do so, he will be forced to do a humiliating forfeit.
New man in Chelsea firing line
The happiest man at the signing of Andre Villas-Boas is John Terry. Since the departure of Jose Mourinho, all Chelsea managers are of a certain age and it is more than likely that their wives were of a similar age too (think Grant, Scolari, Hiddink and Ancelotti). But the appointment of a 33-year-old brings renewed hope for JT as he poses on the beach with his wife, who appears to have forgiven him. Expect to see the J Tezza (thought I'd try it out) with a spring in his step next season, and we will all know why.
Hopefully, after costing £13.3 million to get him out of Porto, Villas-Boas will be less of a flop than Fernando Torres, but then that isn't hard. The only way he could be any worse is if he got Chelsea relegated and convinced Roman Abramovich to sell the club to the guy who pretended to run Notts County, leaving behind a load of overpaid players. Still, he could win the Carling Cup and get them in the Europa League, then maybe they could finally win a European tournament.
Wimbledon serves up classic encounters
They say history tends to repeat itself, but unfortunately we were not treated to another Isner v. Mahut marathon match. Let's face it, watching Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Murray breeze through week one was boring, but what could be more fun than watching the world number 95 and the ninth best player in France, play the world number 47 and fourth best player in America? I suppose watching Fernando Torres miss an open goal comes close.
I bring up Isner v. Mahut for a good reason. After last week's blog was criticised (perhaps rightly) for not living up to its normally lofty standards, I have decided to resort to full on sexism to win everyone back. Now here is my argument: how is it right that a woman like Serena Williams can win Wimbledon in less time than it took both men to play their match? The feminists might say that women are equal to men, but then why do they play best of three sets and the men play best of five? Those who had the "joy" of doing GCSE maths with me know that numbers are not my strongest point, but surely anyone can work out that women should get 3/5 the pay of men, or start playing best of five. Looking at some of the butch women who play the game, I am in no doubt that they could man up (literally) and play a couple of extra sets.
If you have the energy to grunt for 2 hours then I'm sure you can keep quiet and play for a bit longer. I turned on to Wimbledon and the first thing that hit me was Venus' loud roar as she hit the ball. With the roof closed it didn't sound like a normal grunt, it was sub-human, like watching the Lion King. Luckily there was nobody else around when i started watching her play, because they would have thought I was listening to some grotesque sort of porn. There should be a ban of certain players playing under the roof and Venus should be number 1.
Samit failing to tuck in
And as we are talking about fitness, we might as well move on to Samit Patel. Cricket is seen as a sport for men (and women) of all sizes, but those days are changing. Clearly Samit had been enjoying the curry houses and pubs of Kimberley too much, although he isn't the only person I know from Kimbo who has an extra bit of timber. But there's one surprising element with Samit... I swear he hasn't lost any weight. He still looks as round as ever despite apparently losing enough weight to now be chosen for England. Not that I have anything against people who are a bit hefty (I mean how much of a hypocrite could I be?) Still, he chose a bad time to get run out without scoring, after being too lazy to get back into his crease. It took the third umpire a while to give him out, but then again it took him a while to get a camera angle where he could see both the popping crease and the stumps in the same shot.
Home Nations revel in their arrogance
A quick question. Apart from Wales, why would the 2012 GB football team pick players from any other country except England? Where are these great Scottish youngsters hiding that are going to destroy the Spanish? Admittedly the England under-21 side didn't exactly set alight their European Championships, but the arrogance of the other British nations is staggering. I've never heard anyone complain about the Lions tours, but at least in rugby there are good players from all home nations and not just England.
Flop(ianski) of the week
Samit was certainly one contender this week, but Jack Warner has to be the winner. In fact, I almost admire Jack for his ability to be found guilty of so many things yet escaping judgement and being able to secure a large pension for himself. Jamie Carragher once said that it was unfair to say that players in League Two cared more then their illustrious Premier League counterparts, because it was the better players who put more effort in to make such they succeeded at the sport. Now that is a fairer assessment on men like Mr Warner. For too long we have looked upon the corrupt as if they are unintelligent and lucky to be in a position of such wealth. Warner has clearly spent hours perfecting the ability to lick the backside of filthy sporting dictators such as Sepp Blatter and avoiding any consequences for his actions. But should he want to be caught less often trying to steal the public's money, he might want to pay more attention in Westminster.
Hall of Lame
Every year at Wimbledon. We approach the second week and there is only one Brit left in the singles. Every year.
Villas-Boas' time at Chelsea
October - top of the table playing some attractive football
November - John Terry shags his wife
December - Ray Wilkins becomes assistant manager but is sacked a week later after telling Roman to stay on his feet
January - mid-season slump, but still top and in all 4 competitions
February - Gets shot by Ashley Cole who says it was an accident
March - wins the Carling Cup
April - Fernando Torres scores
May - wins the Premier League and FA Cup
Late May - loses Champions League final to Barcelona after Busquets and Alves get half the Chelsea team sent off.
Next day - sacked - leaves with £15 million compensation
August - Avram Grant becomes manager
September - John Terry shags his wife
The one thing nobody wants...
A Venus Williams v. Maria Sharapova Wimbledon final. With the roof shut.
Embarrassing moment of the week
One time, whilst on a school trip to Dublin, somebody told me that Oscar Wilde lived in the city. I questioned this knowledge when my teacher, who was not within ear-shot, decided that moment to tell the group of us that we were now stood beside Oscar Wilde's house.
My slightly embarrassing moment of the week was along the same lines as this mistake. But although I had reason not to know about Oscar Wilde's birth-place, I pride myself to be somebody who is extremely knowledgable on all things cricket. So it was slightly worrying when at Trent Bridge, I asked my mate "why is Adam Voges coming into bat at number 3? He hasn't scored any runs this year." However, the annoucer chose that moment to tell the crowd that Voges was the joint top run scorer in this year's tournament alongside David Hussey. And after today's match, he is now the sole leading run scorer. At least I wasn't laughed at for my ignorance...
Quotes of the week
John Terry: "I look forward welcoming the new manager and his wife to London."
Cesc Fabregas: "I love Arsenal, it forms a special bond in my heart."
Steve McClaren: "I know (pause) this club (pause) this team (pause). I think, erm, they play (pause) good football?"
Cesc Fabregas: "I want to leave. Barcelona has a special bond for me and I cannot bear to be in England any more."
Sunday 26 June 2011
Monday 20 June 2011
Summer sports make up for football absence
Hands up who is missing the football season? Ok, all of us, but the summer sports have done their best to make up for a lack of football. We have seen a dramatic batting collapse, two Brits winning tennis tournaments and an Englishman replacing another one at the top of the golf world rankings after beating him in a play-off.
As Rory McIlroy prepares for his final round in Maryland and Britain bracing itself for Wimbledon, here's hoping the entertainment doesn't stop and that Forest finally sign somebody (well, football never takes a break really).
Cricketers tower above Sri Lankans
When Jonathan Agnew hasn't been talking out about the difficulties of putting a rubber on, the England cricketers have slowly closing in on another series victory, this time over a Sri Lankan side who hadn't played a Test away from home in three years and whose two best players had been playing T20 cricket until about a week before the first day's play.
It was even more bizarre that England's best seam bowler, James Anderson, was injured with a side strain and couldn't bowl again in the second innings. Cardiff has only hosted two Tests but is starting to get a reputation as a ground for dramatic endings. Apart from watching Chris Tremlett and Graeme Swann blast through the Sri Lankan batsmen, we were treated two years ago to Monty Panesar and Anderson denying Australia in the first Ashes Test. Nevermind that Paul Collingwood batted for most of the day for a boring 70 odd, we only remember the two bowlers hanging on as Mitchell Johnson sprayed the ball everywhere. Well, some things never change.
The last match at Lords was a dull draw, but was noticeable for England fielding their tallest ever team, only for the pitch to be low and slow. However, the main talking point came from the smashed window in the home dressing room which came as a result of Matt Prior either: throwing a glove, which hit a bat, which smashed the window or, more likely, getting his bat and in a violent rage chucking it at the window. Because the game was so dull, this became the biggest topic of conversation which again highlights why we need to see the Indian team get here as quick as possible.
However, the Indians have already caused controversy by refusing to use the Review system for the Test series. This is like Fifa implementing goal-line technology, but not using it in a World Cup qualifier because one of the teams didn't want it. The fact that India are the dominant force in cricket and current World champions means they should be using the system alongside every other Test playing nation. I'm already hoping that in the first morning of the first day of the first Test, Sachin Tendulkar gets a shocking decision and there is nothing he can do about it. Maybe then they will change their minds.
England eye US success
England is known as a country which is good at pub sports and little else. So while we have dominated snooker and darts, we are no longer recognised as the best at anything which involves a great deal of fitness. So it may come as no surprise to see our recent successes at cricket and golf. Ok, both sports require some degree of fitness, but you get my point. However, this is not to say that I am not thrilled by watching Luke Donald and Lee Westwood fill the top two spots in the world rankings, especially as the latter is from Worksop and is a Forest fan (good lad!)
Add in Ian Poulter, Paul Casey, Justin Rose etc and you have a core of talented golfers who are good enough to win any tournament. This leads us to the US Open which started on Thursday. Donald went into it as the number one ranked player in the world after defeating Westwood in a play-off. He had been in the top 10 in 15 of his last 16 tournaments, which meant it was inevitable he would do poorly this week. As Tiger Woods' ranking gets closer and closer to the number of women he's shagged, it means the tournament was wide open. Wrong! Watching Rory McIlroy play golf is like watching me play it on the Xbox, except with a much bigger audience and by using clubs instead of a controller. The number of people who have now said that he can overtake Jack Nichlaus' record of 18 majors are slightly premature, seeing as he has only won 1 and that was only his 3rd ever tournament victory.
Even more suspect is the Americans' support for young Rory. While we have to support our football team despite them being useless in pressure situations, the Yanks have decided to support a British player with Tiger struggling. Even more annoying was the guy interviewing McIlroy when he received the trophy asking him if he was going to come and play more in America, after the Northern Irishman decided to concentrate playing on the European Tour instead. I think the Americans should just accept that they are no longer as good as the Europeans and deal with it. I'm just waiting for the day Andy Murray wins the US Open and the crowd decide to try and make him their own.
However, it's a shame that despite all our great players in most sports, we pin our hopes on a Scot in the tennis and a Northern Irishman in the golf. But I suppose we have the darts for now, at least until Phil Taylor retires.
English tennis players getting high on grass
Yes it's that time of the year. Those two weeks where we all think Andy Murray will actually win Wimbledon (wouldn't back him if he was 20-1) and where we complain that no other Brits are any good. But wait a minute. Murray has just won Queens (still can't see him beating any of the world's top 3), Elena Baltacha has won a tournament in Nottingham and James Ward got to a semi-final after beating two of the world's top 20 players. Not that any of this will mean much when we get to the first day of Wimbledon, but it's nice to see that we aren't as bad as we make out, just not as good as most of Europe.
When we get to two weeks on Sunday, I full expect Roger Federer not to win, although if he played like he did at the French Open he certainly has a chance. What we have learnt in the past few years is that Federer can never truly be the best player in history. For a start, comparing players from past generations is pointless. Secondly, he is not even the best player in his own era. Watching him play Rafa Nadal over the past few years has just shown that the Spaniard is clearly the superior player, regardless of what happens in the next fortnight. Having beaten Federer at Wimbledon and the Australian Open finals, as well as Roland Garros, we have seen Nadal show that he is a true great. Not only does his game have no obvious weakness, even when he doesn't play brilliantly he has a way of winning. If we want Murray to win, maybe we will have to put something in his paella to stop him from making it to the court.
Flop(ianski) of the week
There aren't any obvious candidates as far as I can tell, but for his stupid and corrosive tweets, it has to go to Joey Barton. I know, what a shock. Maybe tweeting isn't quite the same as putting out a cigarette in a team-mate's eye or giving Ousmane Dabo a black eye, but when you have lost your best player, I don't think it helps to tweet saying you, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique are leaving. I think it shows the problem with the internet, that any idiot can use it. As I have proved myself.
Hall of Lame
Speaking of stupid tweets, it seems only right to pick an example of somebody embarrassing himself on the site. There are no shortage of people we can choose from, but the best example has to be Darren Bent. Trying to move from Tottenham to Sunderland, he decided the best thing to do was tell all of his followers the following:
"Seriously getting p***** off now,"
"Why can’t anything be simple. It’s so frustrating hanging round doing jack s***."
"Sunderland are not the problem in the slightest," there then followed more stringent criticism of Levy. "Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy."
Instead of insulting Hull, who have moved on from Bent's snub and signed Dele Adebola, he might have remembered that he had signed a contract and that his club did not have to sell him, just as he didn't have to leave if the club had accepted a bid from elsewhere. Maybe Spurs did not want to let him leave until they had signed Mrs Redknapp to replace him.
The week ahead
By the end of the week, only one Brit is preparing for the fourth round. And it's not Andy Murray. Elena Baltacha goes on a winning run whilst Muzza waits to get on for his second round match because John Isner and Nicolas Mahut decide to prove last year's efforts were nothing and play a 15 hour match of 4 days, which the American wins again. Fair play to Mahut though, it's rare to see a Frenchman not surrendering when under pressure.
Phil Taylor announces his retirement from darts and we realise we are now not the best at any sports, except like cycling.
Cesc Fabregas announces he is leaving Arsenal and Luka Modric says he will not play for Spurs again, before both saying they were misquoted and that they love their clubs. Chelsea buy Lukaku, City buy Sanchez, United buy Young and Arsenal buy... some French teenager nobody has ever heard of.
Alex McLeish resigns from Aston Villa, saying he has been undermined by the board and decides to join Celtic.
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger - "I feel that we will win the league in five years time with our young squad."
Darren Bent - "I don't want to play at Villa cause there's a ginger manager. No, I won't go to Wolves. No, I don't want to go to Stoke. Mr Lerner, I want to go Spurs, you prick, now sell me before I have a full-on strop."
Fabio Capello - "The Under-21 side have proved that I'm not a rubbish manager. Now I will go to Chelsea and make Torres great again."
And again because you have been patient...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm_7LIVwriU&feature=youtu.be
As Rory McIlroy prepares for his final round in Maryland and Britain bracing itself for Wimbledon, here's hoping the entertainment doesn't stop and that Forest finally sign somebody (well, football never takes a break really).
Cricketers tower above Sri Lankans
When Jonathan Agnew hasn't been talking out about the difficulties of putting a rubber on, the England cricketers have slowly closing in on another series victory, this time over a Sri Lankan side who hadn't played a Test away from home in three years and whose two best players had been playing T20 cricket until about a week before the first day's play.
It was even more bizarre that England's best seam bowler, James Anderson, was injured with a side strain and couldn't bowl again in the second innings. Cardiff has only hosted two Tests but is starting to get a reputation as a ground for dramatic endings. Apart from watching Chris Tremlett and Graeme Swann blast through the Sri Lankan batsmen, we were treated two years ago to Monty Panesar and Anderson denying Australia in the first Ashes Test. Nevermind that Paul Collingwood batted for most of the day for a boring 70 odd, we only remember the two bowlers hanging on as Mitchell Johnson sprayed the ball everywhere. Well, some things never change.
The last match at Lords was a dull draw, but was noticeable for England fielding their tallest ever team, only for the pitch to be low and slow. However, the main talking point came from the smashed window in the home dressing room which came as a result of Matt Prior either: throwing a glove, which hit a bat, which smashed the window or, more likely, getting his bat and in a violent rage chucking it at the window. Because the game was so dull, this became the biggest topic of conversation which again highlights why we need to see the Indian team get here as quick as possible.
However, the Indians have already caused controversy by refusing to use the Review system for the Test series. This is like Fifa implementing goal-line technology, but not using it in a World Cup qualifier because one of the teams didn't want it. The fact that India are the dominant force in cricket and current World champions means they should be using the system alongside every other Test playing nation. I'm already hoping that in the first morning of the first day of the first Test, Sachin Tendulkar gets a shocking decision and there is nothing he can do about it. Maybe then they will change their minds.
England eye US success
England is known as a country which is good at pub sports and little else. So while we have dominated snooker and darts, we are no longer recognised as the best at anything which involves a great deal of fitness. So it may come as no surprise to see our recent successes at cricket and golf. Ok, both sports require some degree of fitness, but you get my point. However, this is not to say that I am not thrilled by watching Luke Donald and Lee Westwood fill the top two spots in the world rankings, especially as the latter is from Worksop and is a Forest fan (good lad!)
Add in Ian Poulter, Paul Casey, Justin Rose etc and you have a core of talented golfers who are good enough to win any tournament. This leads us to the US Open which started on Thursday. Donald went into it as the number one ranked player in the world after defeating Westwood in a play-off. He had been in the top 10 in 15 of his last 16 tournaments, which meant it was inevitable he would do poorly this week. As Tiger Woods' ranking gets closer and closer to the number of women he's shagged, it means the tournament was wide open. Wrong! Watching Rory McIlroy play golf is like watching me play it on the Xbox, except with a much bigger audience and by using clubs instead of a controller. The number of people who have now said that he can overtake Jack Nichlaus' record of 18 majors are slightly premature, seeing as he has only won 1 and that was only his 3rd ever tournament victory.
Even more suspect is the Americans' support for young Rory. While we have to support our football team despite them being useless in pressure situations, the Yanks have decided to support a British player with Tiger struggling. Even more annoying was the guy interviewing McIlroy when he received the trophy asking him if he was going to come and play more in America, after the Northern Irishman decided to concentrate playing on the European Tour instead. I think the Americans should just accept that they are no longer as good as the Europeans and deal with it. I'm just waiting for the day Andy Murray wins the US Open and the crowd decide to try and make him their own.
However, it's a shame that despite all our great players in most sports, we pin our hopes on a Scot in the tennis and a Northern Irishman in the golf. But I suppose we have the darts for now, at least until Phil Taylor retires.
English tennis players getting high on grass
Yes it's that time of the year. Those two weeks where we all think Andy Murray will actually win Wimbledon (wouldn't back him if he was 20-1) and where we complain that no other Brits are any good. But wait a minute. Murray has just won Queens (still can't see him beating any of the world's top 3), Elena Baltacha has won a tournament in Nottingham and James Ward got to a semi-final after beating two of the world's top 20 players. Not that any of this will mean much when we get to the first day of Wimbledon, but it's nice to see that we aren't as bad as we make out, just not as good as most of Europe.
When we get to two weeks on Sunday, I full expect Roger Federer not to win, although if he played like he did at the French Open he certainly has a chance. What we have learnt in the past few years is that Federer can never truly be the best player in history. For a start, comparing players from past generations is pointless. Secondly, he is not even the best player in his own era. Watching him play Rafa Nadal over the past few years has just shown that the Spaniard is clearly the superior player, regardless of what happens in the next fortnight. Having beaten Federer at Wimbledon and the Australian Open finals, as well as Roland Garros, we have seen Nadal show that he is a true great. Not only does his game have no obvious weakness, even when he doesn't play brilliantly he has a way of winning. If we want Murray to win, maybe we will have to put something in his paella to stop him from making it to the court.
Flop(ianski) of the week
There aren't any obvious candidates as far as I can tell, but for his stupid and corrosive tweets, it has to go to Joey Barton. I know, what a shock. Maybe tweeting isn't quite the same as putting out a cigarette in a team-mate's eye or giving Ousmane Dabo a black eye, but when you have lost your best player, I don't think it helps to tweet saying you, Jonas Gutierrez and Jose Enrique are leaving. I think it shows the problem with the internet, that any idiot can use it. As I have proved myself.
Hall of Lame
Speaking of stupid tweets, it seems only right to pick an example of somebody embarrassing himself on the site. There are no shortage of people we can choose from, but the best example has to be Darren Bent. Trying to move from Tottenham to Sunderland, he decided the best thing to do was tell all of his followers the following:
"Seriously getting p***** off now,"
"Why can’t anything be simple. It’s so frustrating hanging round doing jack s***."
"Sunderland are not the problem in the slightest," there then followed more stringent criticism of Levy. "Do I wanna go Hull City NO. Do I wanna go stoke NO do I wanna go sunderland YES so stop f****** around levy."
Instead of insulting Hull, who have moved on from Bent's snub and signed Dele Adebola, he might have remembered that he had signed a contract and that his club did not have to sell him, just as he didn't have to leave if the club had accepted a bid from elsewhere. Maybe Spurs did not want to let him leave until they had signed Mrs Redknapp to replace him.
The week ahead
By the end of the week, only one Brit is preparing for the fourth round. And it's not Andy Murray. Elena Baltacha goes on a winning run whilst Muzza waits to get on for his second round match because John Isner and Nicolas Mahut decide to prove last year's efforts were nothing and play a 15 hour match of 4 days, which the American wins again. Fair play to Mahut though, it's rare to see a Frenchman not surrendering when under pressure.
Phil Taylor announces his retirement from darts and we realise we are now not the best at any sports, except like cycling.
Cesc Fabregas announces he is leaving Arsenal and Luka Modric says he will not play for Spurs again, before both saying they were misquoted and that they love their clubs. Chelsea buy Lukaku, City buy Sanchez, United buy Young and Arsenal buy... some French teenager nobody has ever heard of.
Alex McLeish resigns from Aston Villa, saying he has been undermined by the board and decides to join Celtic.
Quotes of the week
Arsene Wenger - "I feel that we will win the league in five years time with our young squad."
Darren Bent - "I don't want to play at Villa cause there's a ginger manager. No, I won't go to Wolves. No, I don't want to go to Stoke. Mr Lerner, I want to go Spurs, you prick, now sell me before I have a full-on strop."
Fabio Capello - "The Under-21 side have proved that I'm not a rubbish manager. Now I will go to Chelsea and make Torres great again."
And again because you have been patient...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm_7LIVwriU&feature=youtu.be
Sunday 12 June 2011
Giggs may be tearing his family apart, but the real tragedy is losing Scholes
Hello and welcome back to the blog which does to sport what Ryan Giggs does to his family. So much has happened since I took a two week break to try and focus on exams that it's hard to know where to begin. I have given my reaction the breaking news today as well as some of the stories which were massive a few days ago, but seemed to have gone slightly off the radar.
It's been an interesting few weeks for Manchester United fans - they lost the Champions League final, they have seen their star midfielder become embroiled in disgusting sex scandals and sexy ginger Paul Scholes has retired (something which I will comment on later). I am often accused of showing bias against United fans and I admit watching them win can become frustrating, so I will try and be a bit kinder. Except for Giggs, he deserves everything he gets.
As I sat here at 5:30 am, having been woken up (again) I was in need of something to do as I avoided trying to revise, although I am sitting here once more on Saturday night exhausted, having completed another year of education. Just for the record, after Friday, I have finished on 4/4 with regards to getting 'stay on your feet' in my exams, although how I managed to compare it to the Hundred Years' War, the Cold War, Alfred the Great and seventeenth century rebellions is still beyond me.
There has been so much going on the last few weeks that I have tried my best to entertain you in as wide a variety of topics as possible, with the first one being mostly centred on football and the second one which will follow soon after containing other sporting matters. As the football season has finished I should add that most of my blogs from now on will focus less on things to look out for in the week and more my weird obvservations on anything to do with sport. But for now, see if you can work out how many times I make a disparaging comment about Giggs in this entire article. Let the Giggs, see the sister-in-law (too obvious?)
Sporting articles and recap
Managerial and player merry-go round (spot the fakes)
I was a couple of hours away from posting this blog, when news of Billy Davies and Alex Mcleish filtered through, so of course I have had to make last-minute changes. It's hard to know where to begin, but I suppose I have to start with Davies. My opinion of Davies has never been massively high, although his record in the job is impressive. He saved us from relegation then mounted two play-off campaigns in the following two years.
By anyone's standard this is an impressive effort. But there was so much more to his reign than just the facts. Forest had been the biggest spenders in the Championship for their first two years since gaining promotion from League One, but this was never enough for Davies, who always demanded more and more millions spent on big-name signings, instead of looking for cheaper recruits. He bought lots of strikers, would not play Rob Earnshaw enough, then refused to buy players for other positions. He always said the squad was too small, but he was willing to let players leave and not play others (such as Mcgugan in his first season then Mcleary, Anderson and Majewski this season). Our away record was woeful as we averaged less than a goal a game. And even if we had gone up, I could only see us coming straight down. As for Schteeve Mclaren? I will give him my backing for now, but obviously would prefer O'Neill if it was somehow possible. Hughton would be my second choice.
If my opinion on Davies is mixed, then my view on Mcleish is much more clear; I have never rated him and I think getting Birmingham relegated is an indicator on his ability as a manager. Yes, he won the Carling Cup, but this was more to do with West Ham and Arsenal imploding than any great tactical nous. He waited until the second half against West Ham to bring Zigic on when everyone knows the Hammers can't defend set-pieces at all. And if he goes to Villa Park, then I hope he gets what he deserves for his loyalty.
With regards to player transfers, it has not been a good summer so far, with legend Dele (Pele) Adebola going to Hull and the likes of Rob Earnshaw and Guy Moussi looking like they will also leave. The fixtures come out on Friday, which marks the end of one season and the start of another. Of course I am looking forward to finding out when Forest are playing Derby and Leicester, but I cannot wait for my trip to St Andrews and a reunion with Marlon King (and the classic "she said no Marlon"). Here is a link showing the one game where Marlon actually did something decent for us, coming the game after the death of Brian Clough. For other clubs, it is an exciting period full of transfers, some of which I have predicted here, probably not with much success:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahEVI0VQ1oYWith
Peter Crouch - QPR
Mrs Redknapp - Tottenham
Carlos Tevez - Chelsea
Wayne Rooney - Man City
Fernando Torres - Man Utd
David Beckham - Leicester
Emile Heskey - Leicester
James Milner - Aston Villa
Gareth Barry - Aston Villa
Sergio Aguero - Real Madrid
Managers:
Sven - QPR
Alex Mcleish - Aston Villa
Billy Davies - Birmingham City
David Platt - hopefully Derby
Jose Mourinho - Barcelona
Fabio Capello - Real Madrid
Pep Guardiola - Arsenal
Arsene Wenger - England
You never know...
Giggs antics
Whenever there is any sporting scandal, the first place to go is to Facebook for all the witty groups which pop up immediately. So far we have - Ryan Giggs: Famed for putting in deep balls. Shamed for being balls deep and Giggsy, happy to take them from Big Brother or little brother. All we are waiting for now is - "That man is a family man." "Umm, Nan, that's Ryan Giggs." (Having fun keeping up with all the slurs?)
There are great parrallels between Giggs and the man most famed for getting it in the hole, Tiger Woods. Both were seen as model professionals, had incredible fitness (now we know why he is still playing football, yoga my ass) and had a medal chest as covered as, well, Giggs' actual chest. Many people will be wondering why both men did it when it was obvious they would be caught. But I have two questions: Why does every woman wait to announce their affairs at the same time? And, what will happen next season? We all saw what happened to Tiger when he was caught out and there's an obvious risk that the same will happen to Giggs. It's not like Wayne Rooney who was young and had ages to recpature his best form; Giggs will eventually start to decline, although it may not happen for a while. Maybe Sir Alex is wise to try and buy Ashley Young, just in case Giggs is no longer able to put in those deep balls which he is so famed for.
If both Giggs and Woods were so good when having more action than Arnold Schwarzenegger, it makes you wonder what is happening with the footballers who are a lot worse. I'm not talking about the ones who were never good enough for the Premier League, but the ones who clearly were but never fulfilled their potential. Maybe Mario Balotelli made a mistake dumping his incredible girlfriend (see last week's blog).
The timing of Giggs' indiscretions coming out came just before the retirement of Paul Scholes, the one man who has stood above the rest in the Premier League. Nothing I can say would do justice to Scholes' ability, but the biggest tribute I would give him is that he is the only footballer I would trust to actually be a decent person. That's not to say that others aren't, but nobody will ever be sure again. As for his tackling, well it proved he was human after all. After watching last weekend's draw against Switzerland, you just can't believe Scholes was stuck on the left to accomodate Lampard into the team. Next they will drop Bent to get Heskey in, although even he would have probably scored that sitter. Probably.
Counting down to the new season
You may think after that painful defeat to Swansea (where we would have needed £40,000 and Mohamed Bin Hammam as the referee to actually get a penalty for a change), that I would be having nightmares all summer. Instead, despite contemplating putting in a mitigation request citing play-off hangover as the reason for my poor exam results, I have been trawling the internet looking for any rumour I can get on potential signings and to find out whether our manager is actually staying or not (which he isn't).
Football is without doubt a relationship which never ends, with its ups and downs from August until May, followed by a two month holiday which for the average supporter is just as intense. Still, it is difficult to get enthused by the raft of meaningless friendlies, more so as some are played abroad. Pre-season must be like being engaged, as you prepare for the big day in August and the rest of the year with a mixture of uncertainty and excitement. Inevitably, most fans will have Liverpool syndrome, that 'this is the year', but more often than not, the season ends up like a Katie Price marriage - big hype, lots of drama, all over the media, but finished by May, only for a new one to start a few months later.
With ambitious Chairmen, who are not used to losing, more determined than ever to see their clubs rise to the top, the normally calm summer months are becoming even more exciting than the the actual season as the thought of seeing your club's new signings in action gets ever closer. But if you don't fancy waiting until August for competitive football, then the U-21 European Championships has already begun in Denmark. I suppose a two-week break without live football was too long after all. Let's just hope England don't win the thing, otherwise the hype before Euro 2012 will be as unbearable as, well, a Katie Price wedding.
Why do we go gaga for celebrities?
When it comes to the celebrity culture, I am normally the first person to dismiss it as a waste of time. Sure, I like to know what famous footballers such as Wayne Rooney get up to even though it has no relevance to me, but I don't think that makes me shallow. However, being the hypocrite that I am, I am really just as bad as the next person. As somebody who can spend a whole day watching sport, I took the opportunity to go down to the Aegon Classic at the Priory Club last week as some of the world's best and most promising up-and-coming players were in action. Yes, I wanted to see some of the British players play and it was encouraging to see the performances of Heather Watson, but let's face it, we were all there for Ana Ivanovic.
Ivanovic is a Serbian stunner who won the French Open in 2008, but since then has dropped in the rankings to 19th in the world. Still, that didn't stop us rushing over to the practice courts to see her train the second we saw her. And we weren't the only ones, as a chorus of men lined up alongside us to get a rare glimpse of Ivanovic in person. After watching her practice for a while, we managed to snag a couple of pictures which, of course, found their way on Facebook the moment we made our way back. Obviously she is still clearly a good player, but would we get so excited over watching the 19th best player in the men's game? And would we automatically like him on Facebook (as we all did for Ivanovic), follow him on Twitter and go back to see him again a couple of days later? Sepp Blatter may have been wrong to say women footballers should wear tighter shorts, but his only mistake was that he said it as President of Fifa and not as the marketing executive. Because let's face it, whether we snear at celebrity-obsessed people or not, we are most probably just as bad as them, as my latest Facebook album proves.
Fifa turns into Britain's Got Talent, except without the sob stories
We've had the corruption stories, we've seen Jack Warner threaten to set the fires of hell on Sepp Blatter before endorsing his bid to become President, we've seen photos of bribes being offered to Caribbean nations and we've seen the whole world blame England for everything. But, could we have ever imagined that Henry Kissinger would be brought into try and save the game from evils within its head organisation. For those who were unfortunate enough not to study the Vietnam War in history, Kissinger was President Nixon's foreign advisor during the conflict which saw thousands of innocent Vietnamese citizens being bombed for no reason, whilst at the same time, totalitarian governments in Russia and China were treated as equals. I suppose it will help him in his new role at Fifa, where we have the ultimate sporting dictator and his bunch of cronies.
If Kissinger has been recruited for his diplomacy skills, then why do we have an opera singer as well? If they ever re-start Big Brother then I would like to see Blatter, Kissinger, Domingo, Warner and Bin Hammam all stuck in the house and made to look even more ridiculous than George Galloway. Now, that would be enjoyable.
And while we're talking about football
I suppose it is only right to continue my catch-up on all football related matters before moving on to other sports by looking at the national team's performance against Switzerland. Yes, we drew, but as a country of pessimists we should remember that this is a team who beat Spain and managed to keep a clean sheet against them. It does annoy me when a team can score two speculative goals and suddenly be praised for their great attacking threat, when we created so many more chances than them and many more than Spain managed. Yes, Darren Bent missed a sitter which Mrs Redknapp could have buried, but it is hard to criticise someone who in the last few years has a goalscoring record matching that of Torres, Rooney and Drogba, whilst playing for inferior teams.
The rest of the match just emphasised the point that Frank Lampard should retire from internationals (alongside Gareth Barry) and that Capello was crazy not to start Young. Seriously, can anyone name one game for club or country where Milner has put in a match-winning performance? The big debate for the last couple of weeks has centred on whether Jack Wilshere should have gone to the U-21 Championships or not. But, looking at the squad we have assembled for that tournament, shouldn't be wondering whether our U-21 team is actually better than our first team? Let me give you some names from those who are likely to play in Denmark and those who have started recent England internationals:
Defenders - Kieran Gibbs, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling v. Cashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand
Midfielders - Marc Albrighton, Jack Rodwell, Jordan Henderson v. James Milner, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry
Strikers - Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck v. Darren Bent, Wayne Rooney
You know what, I would not bet against the youngsters pulling off a win, although not against their Spanish counterparts. David De Gea, Javi Martinez, Juan Mata, Jeffren, Bojan. Good luck against that.
Quotes of the week
Headline - "Paul Scholes caught in extra-marital affair"
Harry Redknapp, after his wife missus an open goal - "Darren Bent could have scored that."
Steve McClaren - "I sought of knew, Shampeeonship football, ish for mee..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZnoP4sUV90 - brilliant dutch accent
Billy Davies - "I expect us to sign Messi and Ronaldo otherwise you cannot expect me to get promotion."
Arsene Wenger - "I feel, we don't need to sign anyone, our squad is mentally strong and we have a fantastic team spirit."
Jonathan Agnew - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00hf8wq
And as a reward for your patience, here is a link you will probably find extremely hilarious. They say football is a universal language and that actions speak louder than words and nothing proves both of those right more than this. See you soon for the next blog, where I will complete my sporting catch-up/review of the week to come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V3DeqELS8A&feature=youtu.be
Giggs slurs: Going for 8, but I lost count really quickly
It's been an interesting few weeks for Manchester United fans - they lost the Champions League final, they have seen their star midfielder become embroiled in disgusting sex scandals and sexy ginger Paul Scholes has retired (something which I will comment on later). I am often accused of showing bias against United fans and I admit watching them win can become frustrating, so I will try and be a bit kinder. Except for Giggs, he deserves everything he gets.
As I sat here at 5:30 am, having been woken up (again) I was in need of something to do as I avoided trying to revise, although I am sitting here once more on Saturday night exhausted, having completed another year of education. Just for the record, after Friday, I have finished on 4/4 with regards to getting 'stay on your feet' in my exams, although how I managed to compare it to the Hundred Years' War, the Cold War, Alfred the Great and seventeenth century rebellions is still beyond me.
There has been so much going on the last few weeks that I have tried my best to entertain you in as wide a variety of topics as possible, with the first one being mostly centred on football and the second one which will follow soon after containing other sporting matters. As the football season has finished I should add that most of my blogs from now on will focus less on things to look out for in the week and more my weird obvservations on anything to do with sport. But for now, see if you can work out how many times I make a disparaging comment about Giggs in this entire article. Let the Giggs, see the sister-in-law (too obvious?)
Sporting articles and recap
Managerial and player merry-go round (spot the fakes)
I was a couple of hours away from posting this blog, when news of Billy Davies and Alex Mcleish filtered through, so of course I have had to make last-minute changes. It's hard to know where to begin, but I suppose I have to start with Davies. My opinion of Davies has never been massively high, although his record in the job is impressive. He saved us from relegation then mounted two play-off campaigns in the following two years.
By anyone's standard this is an impressive effort. But there was so much more to his reign than just the facts. Forest had been the biggest spenders in the Championship for their first two years since gaining promotion from League One, but this was never enough for Davies, who always demanded more and more millions spent on big-name signings, instead of looking for cheaper recruits. He bought lots of strikers, would not play Rob Earnshaw enough, then refused to buy players for other positions. He always said the squad was too small, but he was willing to let players leave and not play others (such as Mcgugan in his first season then Mcleary, Anderson and Majewski this season). Our away record was woeful as we averaged less than a goal a game. And even if we had gone up, I could only see us coming straight down. As for Schteeve Mclaren? I will give him my backing for now, but obviously would prefer O'Neill if it was somehow possible. Hughton would be my second choice.
If my opinion on Davies is mixed, then my view on Mcleish is much more clear; I have never rated him and I think getting Birmingham relegated is an indicator on his ability as a manager. Yes, he won the Carling Cup, but this was more to do with West Ham and Arsenal imploding than any great tactical nous. He waited until the second half against West Ham to bring Zigic on when everyone knows the Hammers can't defend set-pieces at all. And if he goes to Villa Park, then I hope he gets what he deserves for his loyalty.
With regards to player transfers, it has not been a good summer so far, with legend Dele (Pele) Adebola going to Hull and the likes of Rob Earnshaw and Guy Moussi looking like they will also leave. The fixtures come out on Friday, which marks the end of one season and the start of another. Of course I am looking forward to finding out when Forest are playing Derby and Leicester, but I cannot wait for my trip to St Andrews and a reunion with Marlon King (and the classic "she said no Marlon"). Here is a link showing the one game where Marlon actually did something decent for us, coming the game after the death of Brian Clough. For other clubs, it is an exciting period full of transfers, some of which I have predicted here, probably not with much success:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahEVI0VQ1oYWith
Peter Crouch - QPR
Mrs Redknapp - Tottenham
Carlos Tevez - Chelsea
Wayne Rooney - Man City
Fernando Torres - Man Utd
David Beckham - Leicester
Emile Heskey - Leicester
James Milner - Aston Villa
Gareth Barry - Aston Villa
Sergio Aguero - Real Madrid
Managers:
Sven - QPR
Alex Mcleish - Aston Villa
Billy Davies - Birmingham City
David Platt - hopefully Derby
Jose Mourinho - Barcelona
Fabio Capello - Real Madrid
Pep Guardiola - Arsenal
Arsene Wenger - England
You never know...
Giggs antics
Whenever there is any sporting scandal, the first place to go is to Facebook for all the witty groups which pop up immediately. So far we have - Ryan Giggs: Famed for putting in deep balls. Shamed for being balls deep and Giggsy, happy to take them from Big Brother or little brother. All we are waiting for now is - "That man is a family man." "Umm, Nan, that's Ryan Giggs." (Having fun keeping up with all the slurs?)
There are great parrallels between Giggs and the man most famed for getting it in the hole, Tiger Woods. Both were seen as model professionals, had incredible fitness (now we know why he is still playing football, yoga my ass) and had a medal chest as covered as, well, Giggs' actual chest. Many people will be wondering why both men did it when it was obvious they would be caught. But I have two questions: Why does every woman wait to announce their affairs at the same time? And, what will happen next season? We all saw what happened to Tiger when he was caught out and there's an obvious risk that the same will happen to Giggs. It's not like Wayne Rooney who was young and had ages to recpature his best form; Giggs will eventually start to decline, although it may not happen for a while. Maybe Sir Alex is wise to try and buy Ashley Young, just in case Giggs is no longer able to put in those deep balls which he is so famed for.
If both Giggs and Woods were so good when having more action than Arnold Schwarzenegger, it makes you wonder what is happening with the footballers who are a lot worse. I'm not talking about the ones who were never good enough for the Premier League, but the ones who clearly were but never fulfilled their potential. Maybe Mario Balotelli made a mistake dumping his incredible girlfriend (see last week's blog).
The timing of Giggs' indiscretions coming out came just before the retirement of Paul Scholes, the one man who has stood above the rest in the Premier League. Nothing I can say would do justice to Scholes' ability, but the biggest tribute I would give him is that he is the only footballer I would trust to actually be a decent person. That's not to say that others aren't, but nobody will ever be sure again. As for his tackling, well it proved he was human after all. After watching last weekend's draw against Switzerland, you just can't believe Scholes was stuck on the left to accomodate Lampard into the team. Next they will drop Bent to get Heskey in, although even he would have probably scored that sitter. Probably.
Counting down to the new season
You may think after that painful defeat to Swansea (where we would have needed £40,000 and Mohamed Bin Hammam as the referee to actually get a penalty for a change), that I would be having nightmares all summer. Instead, despite contemplating putting in a mitigation request citing play-off hangover as the reason for my poor exam results, I have been trawling the internet looking for any rumour I can get on potential signings and to find out whether our manager is actually staying or not (which he isn't).
Football is without doubt a relationship which never ends, with its ups and downs from August until May, followed by a two month holiday which for the average supporter is just as intense. Still, it is difficult to get enthused by the raft of meaningless friendlies, more so as some are played abroad. Pre-season must be like being engaged, as you prepare for the big day in August and the rest of the year with a mixture of uncertainty and excitement. Inevitably, most fans will have Liverpool syndrome, that 'this is the year', but more often than not, the season ends up like a Katie Price marriage - big hype, lots of drama, all over the media, but finished by May, only for a new one to start a few months later.
With ambitious Chairmen, who are not used to losing, more determined than ever to see their clubs rise to the top, the normally calm summer months are becoming even more exciting than the the actual season as the thought of seeing your club's new signings in action gets ever closer. But if you don't fancy waiting until August for competitive football, then the U-21 European Championships has already begun in Denmark. I suppose a two-week break without live football was too long after all. Let's just hope England don't win the thing, otherwise the hype before Euro 2012 will be as unbearable as, well, a Katie Price wedding.
Why do we go gaga for celebrities?
When it comes to the celebrity culture, I am normally the first person to dismiss it as a waste of time. Sure, I like to know what famous footballers such as Wayne Rooney get up to even though it has no relevance to me, but I don't think that makes me shallow. However, being the hypocrite that I am, I am really just as bad as the next person. As somebody who can spend a whole day watching sport, I took the opportunity to go down to the Aegon Classic at the Priory Club last week as some of the world's best and most promising up-and-coming players were in action. Yes, I wanted to see some of the British players play and it was encouraging to see the performances of Heather Watson, but let's face it, we were all there for Ana Ivanovic.
Ivanovic is a Serbian stunner who won the French Open in 2008, but since then has dropped in the rankings to 19th in the world. Still, that didn't stop us rushing over to the practice courts to see her train the second we saw her. And we weren't the only ones, as a chorus of men lined up alongside us to get a rare glimpse of Ivanovic in person. After watching her practice for a while, we managed to snag a couple of pictures which, of course, found their way on Facebook the moment we made our way back. Obviously she is still clearly a good player, but would we get so excited over watching the 19th best player in the men's game? And would we automatically like him on Facebook (as we all did for Ivanovic), follow him on Twitter and go back to see him again a couple of days later? Sepp Blatter may have been wrong to say women footballers should wear tighter shorts, but his only mistake was that he said it as President of Fifa and not as the marketing executive. Because let's face it, whether we snear at celebrity-obsessed people or not, we are most probably just as bad as them, as my latest Facebook album proves.
Fifa turns into Britain's Got Talent, except without the sob stories
We've had the corruption stories, we've seen Jack Warner threaten to set the fires of hell on Sepp Blatter before endorsing his bid to become President, we've seen photos of bribes being offered to Caribbean nations and we've seen the whole world blame England for everything. But, could we have ever imagined that Henry Kissinger would be brought into try and save the game from evils within its head organisation. For those who were unfortunate enough not to study the Vietnam War in history, Kissinger was President Nixon's foreign advisor during the conflict which saw thousands of innocent Vietnamese citizens being bombed for no reason, whilst at the same time, totalitarian governments in Russia and China were treated as equals. I suppose it will help him in his new role at Fifa, where we have the ultimate sporting dictator and his bunch of cronies.
If Kissinger has been recruited for his diplomacy skills, then why do we have an opera singer as well? If they ever re-start Big Brother then I would like to see Blatter, Kissinger, Domingo, Warner and Bin Hammam all stuck in the house and made to look even more ridiculous than George Galloway. Now, that would be enjoyable.
And while we're talking about football
I suppose it is only right to continue my catch-up on all football related matters before moving on to other sports by looking at the national team's performance against Switzerland. Yes, we drew, but as a country of pessimists we should remember that this is a team who beat Spain and managed to keep a clean sheet against them. It does annoy me when a team can score two speculative goals and suddenly be praised for their great attacking threat, when we created so many more chances than them and many more than Spain managed. Yes, Darren Bent missed a sitter which Mrs Redknapp could have buried, but it is hard to criticise someone who in the last few years has a goalscoring record matching that of Torres, Rooney and Drogba, whilst playing for inferior teams.
The rest of the match just emphasised the point that Frank Lampard should retire from internationals (alongside Gareth Barry) and that Capello was crazy not to start Young. Seriously, can anyone name one game for club or country where Milner has put in a match-winning performance? The big debate for the last couple of weeks has centred on whether Jack Wilshere should have gone to the U-21 Championships or not. But, looking at the squad we have assembled for that tournament, shouldn't be wondering whether our U-21 team is actually better than our first team? Let me give you some names from those who are likely to play in Denmark and those who have started recent England internationals:
Defenders - Kieran Gibbs, Phil Jones, Chris Smalling v. Cashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand
Midfielders - Marc Albrighton, Jack Rodwell, Jordan Henderson v. James Milner, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry
Strikers - Daniel Sturridge, Danny Welbeck v. Darren Bent, Wayne Rooney
You know what, I would not bet against the youngsters pulling off a win, although not against their Spanish counterparts. David De Gea, Javi Martinez, Juan Mata, Jeffren, Bojan. Good luck against that.
Quotes of the week
Headline - "Paul Scholes caught in extra-marital affair"
Harry Redknapp, after his wife missus an open goal - "Darren Bent could have scored that."
Steve McClaren - "I sought of knew, Shampeeonship football, ish for mee..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZnoP4sUV90 - brilliant dutch accent
Billy Davies - "I expect us to sign Messi and Ronaldo otherwise you cannot expect me to get promotion."
Arsene Wenger - "I feel, we don't need to sign anyone, our squad is mentally strong and we have a fantastic team spirit."
Jonathan Agnew - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00hf8wq
And as a reward for your patience, here is a link you will probably find extremely hilarious. They say football is a universal language and that actions speak louder than words and nothing proves both of those right more than this. See you soon for the next blog, where I will complete my sporting catch-up/review of the week to come.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V3DeqELS8A&feature=youtu.be
Giggs slurs: Going for 8, but I lost count really quickly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)